Hello everyone,
I was wondering whether anyone else’s partner had struggled with their appearance after mastectomy?
It’s not my confidence, I had a double mastectomy over 2 years ago without reconstruction, and I thought I looked fine. But he doesn’t. He’s admitted that my chest “does nothing for him”, and that if I lost weight it might help (on tamoxifen I’ve put on a stone), and also that he’d prefer it if I got bigger prostheses.
We’ve been to counselling individually and together. But he just can’t bring himself to accept me as I am. He says he loves me but how can he? I am still here! But he treats me as if I’m a freak.
I really don’t want reconstruction for lots of reasons. I’ve considered a chest tattoo but I’m not sure it would help. I’ve tried lots of different underwear, taking him away for romantic weekends, the lot.
Has anyone else’s partner reacted like this? And if so, has it ever got better?
Or are there any husbands on here who can shed some light on his reaction?
Thanks all of you x
Hi fenni11,
Thank you for posting in our Forum, I;m sorry you haven’t yet received a reply. Hopefully you will receive a response soon from one of our members. In the meantime you may like to join the sex and relationship private group and post there as well. We also have an Ask Our Nurses board where you can receive expert advice from our team or you can call our free Helpline number 0808 800 6000.
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Helena at Breast Cancer Care
Oh Fenni11. I don’t know what to say… after everything you’ve been through. A double mastectomy is such a huge and traumatic decision, we would only take it to stay alive. I wonder what he would have chosen if it was him? You have to do what’s best for you and if you don’t want reconstruction or a tattoo then please don’t do it. You’re not a freak - you have survived one of the toughest challenges the human body can face. And you’re still here to share. I’m sending you lots of love and positive thoughts. You’re beautiful and that’s it xxxxx
Hi Bek123, thanks for your kind words xxx
Hello Fenni,
I know it can be difficult for partners but reading the bit about “bigger prostheses” and my empathy with your partner went down the drain somewhat.
If you are happy with how you look, and feel as good as you sound, then don’t do anything, including tattoos, if you do not want them for you. You sound like you have made quite an effort to resolve matters. Perhaps your partner needs to make more of an effort and see beyond your chest.
Going tgrough a double mastectomy is not an easy feat. There is certainly more to you than your chest and I hope you never lose the confidence in yourself that you seem to have.
Chick ?
Hi Chick,
I am trying to keep self confidence, and mostly I do manage, but it is difficult in the face of his reaction.
Thanks for your supportive comments
Xxx
Please don’t take this the wrong way but I could knock his block off!!! You have been through the hell of bc and this is how he awards you? My goodness he is lucky to have you. I’m afraid I wouldn’t he able to pamper to him. He needs to speak to some men who have lost their beloved’s to this insidious disease!!! I’m sorry I don’t mean to upset you ar all but I’m raging!!?