Oh dear Gretchen , you really seemed to upset yourself over our replies .
Rude and aggressive and rude ? I think not .
This lady asked for people´s opinions .
Other people´s opinions are not always in line with our thinking , but when you ask , you get . She should not have posted on here if she did´nt want to hear bad news as well as good . Thats a chance you take .
She got everyone´s honest and truthful opinion and assessment of what they thought , from the point of view of women with cancer and going through treatment . Some of us are mothers of grown up sons with families , so we are very aware of being mothers-in-law , others , like Tors are speaking from the heart and from the perspective of a young woman , like her daughter-in-law , with young children and cancer , that alone should make Tors comments immensly valuable to chief wren in trying to get to the bottom of things .
If she cannot take the comments , absolutely fine , her perogative . Why you had to come in all guns blazing , telling her to tell her son to get a lawyer to try and get custody of the children , well that will do a lot of good won´t it .How aggressive was that ?
No , we don´t know all the circumstances , only the one side from chief wren .Telling her to ignore our comments , was that not rather rude ? I think so .
Thankfully , as Sandra said , it´s a free country we can all say what we like , so long as it´s not hurtful , and on these forums we do .
No having cancer is not an excuse for bad behaviour , but it is an excuse for sometimes not behaving or acting quite as rationally as we did before ,and who among us can say that it´s not changed us ?Normal ? Whats normal ? You think you will be in another month or so ,good for you , I hope it happens .
Kris
Well said Kris. My normal is completely different to pre dx.
Well said Kris. The trouble is that some people just don’t want to try to understand and some people would insist that black is white!!!
My normal is completely different to pre dx. Not worse just very different.
Jan x
Hi Guys
My wife has been diagnosed with bc yesterday, what is a type 3?
She has swelling on her lymph nodes, does this mean anything?
We have a onco appointment on Tuesday, but I am scared.
She is only 32 and we hav a 1 year baby. I have no idea what to do or what I am doing. Everything looks like a dream and like it is not happening to me.
Is there anyone in a similar situation that I can chat with.
Hi Jai
You are obviously very concerned at the moment and have lots of questions. Can I suggest you give the helpline a ring to talk through what you know about your wife’s bc. They are open from 9.00 and are wonderful. They will give you all the time you need. Grade 3 cancer is aggressive but it is not uncommon in women your wife’s age and it tends to respond well to chemotherapy. Please post again if you have more questions. It might be useful to start your own thread as these posts can get a bit lost. Take care dx
Hi Jai,
Can l suggest you re submit this post, and put it under a ‘new’ thread. Not many people will see your post, would be better under ‘newly diagnosed’ rather than Family, and partners and friends.
If you go to the home page, then in the column on the left hand side choose ‘newly diagnosed’ Once you have pressed that, you will see on the right hand side in the purple box, something about starting your own thread.
You will have a lot of response from the ladies
Good Luck
Sandra
Hi jai, I am so sorry to hear about your wifes diagnosis. It is such a terrible shock as you never think it will happen to you and especially not at this age. There are a lot of 30 something women on this forum in your wifes position and there are a fair number of partners who post too. You are at such s difficult stage now waiting for results and a treatment plan, and being so raw and. In shock. But it gradually gets easier to cope.
It sounds like your wifes tumour is grade three . This seems to be quite usual for younger women. I am 36 and my tumour was grade three too. Everybody has a different combination of factors which determine treatment such as size and location of lump, if it is hormone driven and if it has travelled to the lymph nodes. This is why they will be looking under your wifes arm. The lymph nodes are the first l
place the cancer usually travels to. Their job is to catch these cancer cells to stop them going any further. The doctors will want to know if they are involved as it means they take them out when they do your wifes operation. There are a lot of women who have that op at the same time as their mastectomy or lumpectomy and go on to lead long and happy lives.
I hope that helps a bit. As the others have said, stArting your own thread will help people see you exist! I would mention it’s your wife who had been dx as then other husbands are mire likely to spit you and post to support you. Please pass our love to your wife, we know exactly where she Is at , as a young mum. And all the best to you too, be kind to yourselves.
Vickie xxx
Hi Jai
So sorry you have had to join us - though it’s always good when a partner gets involved here - a good sign that your wife will have lots of support from you when she needs it. There are quite a few husbands and partners here - I’m sure they’ll be along shortly.
I echo what the others have said - start a new thread and you will find many people here in the same position that can help you. Also, you may want to look at the Glossary - listed on the right hand side on the Forums page. There are so many new terms to learn when first diagnosed(dx)- this is the place to look them all up.
Try not to panic too much - I know easier said than done - there are so many effective treatments available. You will both feel a little better when all the results are back and a treatment plan is agreed, and you can start fighting back. Good luck - let us know how you both get on.
finty xx
Hi Jai,
So sorry you had to join this (not so) exclusive club. I think I know something of how you are feeling as my wonderful wife was diagnosed just over a year ago with grade 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, with 2 lymph nodes involved. They were some very dark days, weeks and months, but we have come through it together and it may give you hope to know that things are looking very good for us now.
I have been keeping a blog, which may be helpful; I know I found it helpful to read other people’s accounts of their experiences. You can find it on my profile; just click on my username to the left (when you are logged in).
If you want to send me a private message, please do. (Again, from my profile page.) I am happy to help if I can.
Hi Jai - we are a few weeks ahead of you. My wife was diagnosed early June.
The stage you are at now is a very scary place. you know you have cancer, but beyond that you don’t know much. You see all sorts of scary tales and see them happening to you.
Information, and real information from your medical team is now key.
You may find a number of tests coming up - they will all be about finding out what the exact position is to get the best plan for your wife.
My wife was given a choice - mastectomy then chemo, or chemo then surgery which hopefully would be just a lumpectomy. She opted for chemo first and had had her first two cycles of EC. Two more then onto TAX.
The good news for us is that the tumour is shrinking.
The lumps under the arm could be lymph node involvement, or they could be something unrelated. I know you want answers, but some have to be waited for.
Good luck,
Paul.