I am so lost ?

So I don’t really know what I am doing, it’s all happening so fast and I am utterly overwhelmed. I’m so lost and confused.

Long story short, I found a lump in my breast and nipple discharge and went to my doctor on Tuesday and had an urgent referral to the breast clinic which was yesterday. They’ve found 2 lumps an enlarged lymph node, and calcification in the lumpy breast. I had countless mammograms and ultrasound and then 4 biopsies (2 lumps, lymphnode and calcification) so I’m now apty named frankenboob

Anyway the radiologists and doctor said they were “very concerned” and that when I go back he’ll have a care plan. Noone said the words “yes you have cancer” But when I asked I outright they would just tip their head and say “we are worried, we do suspect that’s what it is but we’ll know more when we have results”

To me, that sounds as “yes you have cancer but we can’t tell you stage until we’ve got the results”. Friends in oncology have suggested the same. 

My original return appointment was 11th April but my partner and I fly to Lisbon that day so it has been pushed to the 18th with my key worker and doctor suggesting I “make sure I enjoy my holiday before the next steps”.

I’m utterly terrified and although noone has formally diagnosed me, I’m convinced it’s cancer. I’m 34 and healthy, I eat so well, exercise daily, run marathons. How is this fair?

Anyway…  the actual points here amongst my brain farting are… 

  1. I’m right to assume here I have it, yes? I’m the kind of person who needs fact, cold hard truth. I need to plan and need control so I am just broken right now in limbo.

  2. My parents are here at the weekend for Easter and I feel I should tell them? Or is it too early if I don’t know any fact? They’ve recently lost my brother and I hate to burden them but I need my mum:(

  3. Should I request a phone appointment before I fly on holiday on the 11th just to confirm the biopsy results? On one hand I don’t think I can wait and enjoy the holiday not knowing for sure but equally I don’t want to step on the plane knowing its bad news. I am so torn.

Does anyone have any advice on any of this? Either experience of whether I am right in my assumption of diagnosis, whether to start sharing the news or whether it’s better to know before holiday?

Hi @Crawfy  

I have just replied to you on a different thread but then came across this.

If you like hard cold facts (like me) then yes the chances are it is bc - I am so sorry you have to go through this but I promise, you will get it through it.

The doctors usually know by the scans on mammograms / ultrasounds etc and the exact same thing happened to me. I remember my consultant saying he was very concerned and I remember asking him “if it’s not cancer then what can it be” to which he replied “I am 99% certain it’s cancer”. I was just numb with shock.

In a way I am glad he didn’t sugar coat it as it gave me a chance to expect it when the results were confirmed. It wasn’t a massive shock at that point - just a reaffirmation of what was happening.

I would tell your parents as you will be surprised how strong they will be for you and you will need their support going through this. That is another very difficult part of the process but you will feel better once you have done that.

As for finding out before or after holiday, I personally would want to know beforehand as then there is no waiting anymore and you will know the type which will give an indication to how treatment will start but that’s a personal choice.

If you don’t find out, will you still enjoy your holiday? If so, definitely go on holiday first and do your best to enjoy it. You can then deal with everything when you return.

You’re right, at 34 it really isn’t fair at all. We all feel angry when this happens and start questioning everything. No one knows exactly why it happens and often it’s just bad luck. 

Whatever treatment you need, you will get through it I promise. So many women on here will vouch that it’s very do-able.

Ofcourse it’s an absolute pain in the rear but it honestly gets better once you know what you’re dealing with. The waiting is the worst part of it all.

Sending you much love - please let us know what you decide to do and we will all support you here.

All the best