I am so scared

after my previous comments in benign conditions I am now back, to say that I have cancer. I am devastated it was such a shock after a mammogram, ultrasound and swab of blood from nipple all concluded it was nothing serious. How can they get it so wrong?
I have an aggressive cancer found by the doctor doing a pyramidectomy.
The “line” has been put in ready for chemo which might be starting this week. I am so scared and dreading it.
I’m sure i’m not alone in my feelings, how do you find the strength to get through it? I have so many questions to ask but it is so difficult being in France, I don’t know if my oncologist can speak English.

Hey Peacock

Sorry you have to join us here but I’m sure you will find it a great support.

I too was told that my lump was benign, this after mammogram, ultrasound and 6 biopsies. Couldn’t beleive it when 4 weeks later after another biopsy ‘just to make sure’ I was told I had BC. That was on 9th May and I have since had surgery and full node clearance. It’s very early days for you love and you will get there! I’m seeing my oncologist tomorrow to come up with a treatment plan which I’m almost certain will include chemo. Like you I’m dreading it! But lots of people on here say its all very ‘do-able’ so lets hope so.

Ask any questions on here no matter how silly you think they are! I know in the early days I did but someone will always help you out.

Take it bit by bit… you’re in shock love and you need some time to come to terms with it.

I find wine helps!!

You take care

Ali x

Hi Peacock,

I was diagnosed 5 wks ago. I just had an abnormal discomfort in my right breast and GP sent me for mam. Spotted something on it and 4 biopsies later I have bc. Surgery completed all within a week. Yes it’s very scary but hang in there and talk to family etc and us. I just had to tell everyone in the hope that it was a bad dream and that I might wake up but of course it didn’t happen. 5wks down I still feel tearful and can’t cope with well meaning people yet. To have rads, no cemo.
My cousin had bc treated in France last year very succussfully. They seem to be tip top in treatment. Must be scary not to be understood.
It’s ok to weep and wail if you want due to the shock and it does tail off a bit. Don’t be hard on yourself. Just listen to your body.
Keep writing.

Hi Peacock

I’m in France, too. Whereabouts are you? Can I help at all?

Thinking of you.


Hi Peacock, many ladies here will understand what a frightening place that you have found yourself in. The shock must be so much worse after being given a sense of security. Chemo can be horrible but you will get through, you will emerge from it ready to celebrate the "it/s over!
I have a friend living in Spain who is very ill , and although he can speak Spanish he finds it difficult to express feelings or understand medical terms. He found using an interpreter frustrating. Eventually an English speaking doctor was found for him. Perhaps it would be worthwhile you persuing this,
The BCC helpline is tremendous, a very valuable source that would answer any questions you have,
Peacock, strength will come, hang on in.
Take care

When I lived in Spain I had a severe urinary infection. All Spanish speaking people ,doctors included . insisted on asking if II “went peeeeepeeee”, WellI I ask you? I was so pleased to get back to England to poshly “urinate” or commonly "wee "!

Hi Peacock

I am sorry to read of your recent diagnosis. If you’d like to talk this through with someone please give the Breast Cancer Care helpline a call, here you are able to share your fears and concerns with a trained member of staff who can offer you a ‘listening ear’ as well as support and advice.

The number is free phone 0808 800 6000 and the line is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturdays 9am to 2pm.

I hope this is helpful.

Kind regards.


Bahons I am in SW France, will be receiving treatment in Brive. How have you found the treatment here? I want to make a list of questions to ask the onco on weds. I am doing lots of searching on this site, a lot of the comments are reassuring.

Thanks Louise for your helpful comment

Hi Peacock,

I’m in the UK (though with a holiday cottage in Normandy) and had all my treatment here. I recently came across the following English-language support group in France, which was set up for people like you.


Hope this may help

Kathy xxx

Hi Peacock

I am in Carcassonne - not so very far away (been to Toulouse for PET scans). I have to say that I’ve been very pleased with the treatment I’ve had; found it quick, friendly and efficient with very clean hospitals. There does seem to be a different culture here tho’ - they don’t seem to go in for leaflets or stuff like that very much, but I have found my French GP to be extraordinarily helpful and my oncologist has said that if I am worried about anything (anything ELSE, that is!) to ring her straightaway. Communication can be a problem sometimes, but I’ve found most people do their best to help and will slow down their French and repeat things for me. You may find your onc speaks some English as so much medical research is published using it.

Are you fully registered in the French system? Carte Vitale, etc?

Kathy’s suggestion about Cancer Support France is a brilliant one - I only thought of it after I’d posted and was cooking dinner later on - well done Kathy. I believe I’ve read somewhere that they can sometimes help patients with translation/communication difficulties.

Hope this is of use. Any more questions, anything, do ask away.


thank you I will look at the site tomorrow, I am so tired after coming out of hospital today shell shocked.

I will write more tomorrow and thanks for help

I’ve had a restless nights sleep, to be expected I suppose. The boob with the cancer is rock hard and feels like it is growing bigger every day so it is uncomfortable. On the shoulder to the opposite side is where they have put in the central line, and it is so uncomfortable. Does this get better?
I feel like the whole top of my body is aching and it is difficult to make movements like showering and getting dressed, I haven’t even started the chemo yet and I feel so sick.
Is it normal to think “why does this have to be me”?

The other problem I have is that I am a diabetic so I am really worried about the state of my diabetes during chemo. Has any other diabetics faced cancer too? I am sure I’m not the only one.

Hi Peacock
After I had my biopsy my breast too became swollen, bumpy and hard almost as though the caner, which was dx aggresive,had been disturbed and was acting up… My daughter who couldn’t feel the original lump was able to see the swelling after this.
I also had a Hickman line and have found that at times it can be uncomfortable, normally after sleeping or doing a little gardening. When the nurse comes to flush it she can move it around for me until it is comfortable again. She thinks it may be the stitches that are pulling and hurting. Mine has been in for over 5 months and now I feel comfortablr adjusting it myself. I have found that the best thing to wear is a crop top, everything can be placed inside this and it is most comfortable because the line does not move about.I will say that having the line was the best for me. No worries having chemo sessions or bloods taken.
Diabetes! The steroids they gave me increased my blood sugar to such an extent that now I have to inject myself 4 times a day. I find this devestating. But the need for insulin did not affect my chemo. However because the steroids can affect the blood sugar levels and also your diet you may be advised to adjust the amount you are taking. You will always have a blood test before your chemo and the hospital would advise you of the need for this.
Peacock I will let you into a secret. my whole being screams ‘it is not fair’ and because this sounds so infantile and so pathetic I have never told anyone… Perhaps many others feel this or ‘why does it have to be me’. I am sure that now the ladies will tell us.
Do take care

Hi peacock - so sorry to hear you a bad night and are so uncomfortable. Have you been given any painkillers?

Exactly what sort of line do you have?

I’m sure it’s totally normal to think ‘why me’ and be angry and not being able to cope with well-intentioned people. I certainly did and was!

Others are much better at putting their feelings down than me and so I will just echo all that they’ve said. I also think that once the treatment has started you may feel more positive, as something will be happening.

Keep us all posted and look after yourself.


Hi Peacock,

Sleep doesn’t come easily when 1st diagnosed. I still find it difficult at times and I’m 5wks post diagnosis, no chemo, rads soon. I find that if I get up during the night I write a journal, (I’ve never kept a journal before) and you can write anything you want in it and not share it with anyone. I found that it has helped me to pour out all the feelings that you don’t want to load on to your partner. Afterwards I have managed to get to sleep for another couple of hrs, but not always. Discuss lack of sleep with Dr’s, and they may give you something to help.
Bc does put your life in turmoil, but slowly, slowly, you somehow learn to live with it, I’m still getting there.
Keep writing, there’s always someone here to reply.

Another thought Peacock,

I’ve 2 children with diabetes and we use Diabetes UK web site. Address www.diabetes.org.uk phone careline 0845 120 2960 open 9-5pm. Or email <script type=“text/javascript”>eval(unescape(‘%64%6f%63%75%6d%65%6e%74%2e%77%72%69%74%65%28%27%3c%61%20%68%72%65%66%3d%22%6d%61%69%6c%74%6f%3a%63%61%72%65%6c%69%6e%65%40%64%69%62%65%74%65%73%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%22%3e%63%61%72%65%6c%69%6e%65%40%64%69%62%65%74%65%73%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%3c%2f%61%3e%27%29%3b’))</script>. I’m sure that they must give advice to those who have diabetes and also have chemo.
Hope this helps.

Hi Peacock,
So sorry you’ve had to join us here…You must feel totally shocked after being given the all clear before and now such a different outcome.
I was diagnosed on 25th April and my 1st thoughts were ‘why me’ but not just why me, but why me at 25yrs old??? I’m that 1 in 100,000 to get bc at this age, i’m that 1 out of 100 women who are dx with bc…And i’m that 1 who was breastfeeding her tiny baby at the time, this shouldn’t be happening now if ever!!
I’ve now accepted that it’s happened and there’s nothing i can do about it…I’m very positive and i refuse to let this get me down for my 2 kiddies sake…They don’t deserve this either, Mummy should be well and able to look after them!! Chemo isn’t as bad as expected, maybe a little harder as i have the kids to look after so don’t like to spend too much time sleeping etc…
You will find lots of help and advice here, and the support these ladies give is amazing…Try and stay positive, i don’t stop smiling-ever and don’t plan to change :slight_smile:
Lots of hugs to you.

Hi Peacock

I’m sorry to see you hear but you are in a site that will help you with all sort’s of advice and questions…

i had a bi-op on the 28th of april and was dx on 2nd of may… the day my life has never been the same.

i have had 2 opperations ,the last one being on the 4th june and very sore at that but i will get there…as my family and friend’s have been so good and has gave me so much surport.

and i wont let this bc get the better of me mite have made me sore and i cry lots and get angery but i wont my life back
and i will…

so peacock i hope it all go’s well and you keep your chine up
take care sal x

It has been reassuring to read this thread and have your supportive comments. I am dreading the appointment on weds with onco, but this morning I woke up feeling that the quicker chemo starts the quicker this thing will be gone. I’ve had a good day doing some gardening and actually ate our first homegrown cauliflower tonight. We are starting to build our own house in the next few weeks, so I’ve got something to focus on and look forward to.

I don’t know what stage or grade the cancer is, all I can say is that in March I had a full blood test and nothing untoward showed up. My boob feels like a football but at least the “line” seems a bit more comfortable today.

6th April was the day I first discovered a lump. CSF are putting me in touch with someone locally as there is a group in my area.

Hope everyone else has had a good day today

Hi Peacock,

Great to hear from you. Glad to day has been a bit better.

The going is tough but somehow we all get though it.

Just think that the appointment with onco will try and give you some time line to work with and towards (especially to the end). I felt better once I’d seen my onco and they told me what was going to happen. Often the fear of the unknown looms larger than the known, (although not always, as we’ve all found out!), but it does give you some sort of prospective.

Just keep writing and let us know how you are fairing on this rough ride.

Today I have co-ordinated a walk for over 120 walkers for Diabetes UK, and we have potentally raised a lot of money.
Sorry BCC but I have 2 children with diabetes and my name was on all the literature before BC raised it’s head! Weather’s been great for it.

Keep your chin up Peacock, bin thinking about you.


Hi Peacock

Glad to hear that had a better day and that CSF have been able to help.

Let us know how you get on.