I am struggling big time today!

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Apologies before I begin.

I hate feeling like this as I am usually such an upbeat positive person, but today everything seems to have come crashing down around my ears.

I have been off work for a while since diagnosis so am on half pay, my husbands business staggers from week to week not to go bust and I am recieving 20 to 30 phone calls a day to ask me for money we haven’t got.

I had my second Tax last Thursday and have been feeling pretty rubbish ever since. My 18 year old daughter stays in bed all day and doesn’t lift a finger, my husband goes to work as early and comes
home as late as he can so that he doesn’t have to face things, and my eldest daughter has two children of her own to look after so can’t come and help as often as maybe would be helpful.

I have always sorted out the finances in our household for the last 25 years and hoped my husband would take over whilst I was ill. No such luck, things got forgotten, cancelled as overdue, (My life insurance being one of them!!!)letters were consigned to the bin and I ended up having to try and rectify everything.

I have now had an absolute fit at my 18 year old and thrown her out of the house, told her not to come back until she has a full time job, unplugged the phone so no one can ask me for money and just want to lay in bed and stew.

How can memebers of your own family be so thoughtless and cruel when they know you are feeling like rubbish. I appreciate it’s hard for them too, but it’s like I am just a burden to them all and they would be better off without me.

I am also returning to work soon as I really can’t afford not to and I still have more treatment. How much more are we expected to be able to handle when it’s a hard enough struggle trying to get through the cancer?

Sorry again, rant over. I just wish I could feel in control and be happy.

Take care all, hope everyone is in a better place than me right now.

Debbie. xx

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Oh Debbie,big hugs
((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))
You have enough to deal with having BC without daughter troubles and finance trouble.And Men ,they are so good at burying their heads.
Keep the phone unplugged and try and chill.Easier said than done.But we are here for you,moan away!
When you feel up to it ,it might be better to get help looking at finances and at least stop the calls.I am no expert but can Macmillan advise if you can claim any benefits.They can sometimes do grants.Or the CAB.At least you might feel a bit more in control.
Martin Lewis’s website,moneysavingexpert.com has great forums and you will get advice there.
It will be hard working while still having treatment.I do hope you can avoid that.
Take care of yourself,you deserve it,
Love n hugs
Dot
xxx

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Dear Debbie I couldnt leave your post unanswered though I havent really any answers for you.It sounds as if your family are in denial about your dx and treatment-show them some of the comments on the tax threads.Tax chemo has some of the worst side effects and you will be feeling absolutely wiped out without any more hassle.Your husband needs to shoulder the financial responsibility for now and your younger daughter has to face the fact that you have a life threatening illness and need love,help and support not teenage stroppiness.As far as work goes it is unlikely you will be able to return soon so just try to relax,tell your creditors about your dx and treatment and ask if they will defer payments for a few months until you feel able to cope.
My heartfelt sympathy to you
Love Valxx

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Debbie, no apologies needed, sometimes we have days like this and need to come on here and offload.

Cancer is hard enough to deal with without all the pressures of family and bills and general day to day life!!!

sending you a very large hug

I wish I could make it all better for you

Love

Carol xoxoxoxo

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Oh Debbie I’m so sorry you’re having such a time of it, big hug to you.
Worrying about finances doesn’t help at all does it? I was made redundant a week before diagnosis and my partner was made redunant 2 months later! Talk about panic, I felt worse about that than about the cancer :frowning:
Anyway I contacted Macmillan and a lovely lady came to the house and advised us on everything, who to write to and what to write etc. She also helped with form filling in. I would urge you to conact them if you haven’t as in mycase they definitely saved my sanity.
Like Val says, sounds like a case of denial from the family, there is always the help line here you can chat to someone too.
Hope things soon look brighter, Di x

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Debbie (((((Hugs)))) this is the place to rant and let off steam !

Don’t know what to say or advise, but the CAB as suggested above sounds like a good starting place.

My OH is useless with the paperwork, won’t even open the post so can sympathise with HAVING to get on with it however you feel :frowning:

Teenagers - sorry, no experience but sounds an absolute nightmare.

Hopefully you’ll feel a little better tomorrow and the balck cloud will move away?!

S

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Just to say thanks to everyone who replied.

It does help to know others are thinking of you.

Thanks again. Debbie. xx

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Dear Debbie,
I have just read your post and my heart goes out to you. I am on second treatment too different medication and things are peaceful in my life, just wish I could send some of it your way. Cant do anything practical to help you, just wanted to say big hug and thinking of you and your circumstances. take care, big hugs and hope your family can get their heads round your diagnosis and start to put YOU first, as it sounds like you are the family prop and now it is your turn for some support and tlc from them.

much love. Carol. xxx

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debbie ive pm’d you
sue

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God just read your posting… i want to send you the energy to deal with this awful journey(god that sounds american C***)

I honestly dont know how you deal with the lows, but think you are fantastic, and very positive alot of the time. You are allowed to feel low.

Just wish sometimes it was legal to punch someone when you need to get rid of these feelings. (the guy who does the sport news on BBC is the one i would really like to hit).

I am not a voilent person, and could never do it, but in my dreams

Punch away,

Sending you lots of stray hairs, and cuddles,

Lilythepink

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Hi Debbie,

I don’t know you as I have only been on the forums a couple of months, but I just wanted to add to what the other ladies have said - I hope you are feeling better soon.

Have you looked into employment support allowance? I know that when your sick pay stops you can put a claim in though not sure how it works if you are getting half wage.

x

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Hi Debbie
We haven’t chatted before, but felt that i had to respond to your thread.
Your family are being thoughtless in my opinion, you have enough to deal with in getting through your treatment, without the addded pressure a partner who has his head in the sand…grrrhhhh…

Definitely get in touch with CAB and see if you are entitled to any benefits, or ring the benefits helpline, you may qualify for ESA, I don’t know.
There is a Macmillan grant available also…maybe ask your BCN or look on the website. They awarded me £390 for childcare purposes, it was better than a kick in the teeth…

Concentrate on you…you do not need all of this stress at the moment, let your famuly members sort themselves out, but tell your OH that you need his support right now!

All the best.

Naz x

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Hello Debbie
everything useful I could say has already been said by the lovely people on here.
I think the suggestion that you let your family see this is a really good one. When OH is doing the ostrich (mine keeps doing it from time to time) its worth sitting them down and stating very clearly how bad you are feeling. my OH is a sweetie, but he’s not subtle and needs things spelling out - I think a lot are like that, but he CAN support you re both finances and family issues, and he needs to.
I hope things start to feel better - remember you have friends on here and also, be kind to yourself
lots of love
monica xx

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Oh Debbie, yes lots of practical advice and as for teenagers, and OH well they never cease to amaze, but you make sure you put you first and take on board what the other have said. rhian x