I can't believe she's gone

Public Archive
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My wonderful friend Muthoni died on Saturday morning, I wanted to hurl away the phone that carried the message, even now I keep hoping the information is wrong.

How can she not be here anymore?

She was only diagnosed with breast cancer in February, she has been so brave in just getting on with accepting it and tackling it and what needs to be done, the masectomy and the 8 rounds of chemotherapy that she has struggled through and only just finished 4 weeks ago.

Life was supposed to start again for her now, her and her beautiful Son who is only 6 yrs old.

Muthoni radiated everything good that I admire in people: energy; laughter; kindness; logic; compassion; spirit; life was always good when she was around, she helped find the meaning in everything.

It seems so wrong that she is gone so young, so prematurely, and that the last 7 months of her life have been filled with all this miserable chemo and horrible side effects, one can’t but help wonder what if she hadn’t had the chemo, and had enjoyed the last 7 months living life as fully as she always did, even if she had left us still this early… I guess these are ‘normal’ (how can there be anything normal about losing such a wonderful person so young) thoughts, and part of the anger, pain and inability to understand such loss.

I hope some of you will have experience of ways you have helped young children (already old enough to ask a million questions) begin to come to terms with losing their mother, and other children with being able to help their friend who has lost his/her mother (such as mine who are asking - why did she get cancer in her breast? where did it come from? why did she die? where is she now? how can she us but we can’t see her?)). I know there are no easy answers, but if any of you have experience of somethings/words/stories that helped other young children, please share them.

It really feels like a light has been stolen, I know her wonderful aura is still here with all of us lucky enough to have known her and to have loved her and everything she was/is and will always be. That her son who shares her amazing spirit and creativity is going to have to grow without her arms there around him, hurts so much.

To those hurting inside from this unbearable and unbelieavable loss of our spirited friend Muthoni and to any reading who are so bravely battling this disease and its consequences - my love and strength to you.

May we grow to understand so much more deeply the treatment, complications, and reasons behind this disease so that we stop losing so many many beautiful, vital and important women.

Muthoni, I will turn this pain around for you and for all that you are and for your son, but my god how much I miss you.
Tanya XXXXXXXOOOOXXXXXXXX

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Tanya

The news you received is truly devastating, especially for you and all family and friends of Muthoni. How cruel to be taken so young and so quickly. My heart goes out to you all.

Can I suggest that you ring the helpline on here? The wonderful staff may be able to make some suggestions for ways to help the family and the children you speak about.

You are a wonderful friend and I am sure they will all be grateful for any support you can give.

Ann x

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Hi Tanya

It is heartbreaking to hear about your friend Muthoni, another young life lost to this disease and a little 6 year old boy having to cope with no mummy.

There is a book by Michael Rosen (the Michael Rosen from ‘We’re going on a Bear Hunt’)called Michael Rosen’s Sad Book. He wrote this book when his son Eddie died. Anyone who has lost somebody can relate to and it is suitable for children. I lost my 4 year old daughter in 2006 and this book became my bible.

There are other books out there too specifically aimed at children so it may be worth having a look on say Amazon.

You sound like you were and always will be a really good friend.

Love xxx

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So sorry to hear the new’s that another special lady has lost against this horrible disease. xx

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Its so sad to hear of another loss of life its so unfair my thoughts are with the little boy not having the most inportant person in his life. Im also sorry for her family and friends,

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bambula, , I am so sorry you have lost such a special friend and that a little boy has lost his mum so early. There is an organisation called Winstons Wish specifically to support children who have lost a close adult.
You are in my thoughts,
Nicky

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To all of you who have so kindly replied, thank you.

Thank you for your thoughts, for the references to the Sad Book, and the suggestions for where to find similar other books for children, and the Winstons wishes organisation name - I shall make contact.

Muthoni’s memorial service was a beautiful, painful but strangely uplifting service, as someone there said perhaps she really was/is an angel in disguise. One is still caught unawares hoping a text will somehow arrive from her, treasuring the visual images and words of times spent with her, finding tears suddenly rushing to ones eyes. Somehow so many of us who knew her believed she would beat this disease, and I think many of us still feel she did beat it, and something else accidentally and erroneously got in the way, the treatment perhaps… For whatever reason, (and I suspect mainly due what she called ‘her feeling weirdly positive about it all’), none of us thought about her not making it through it and that she wouldn’t be here now.

Thank you again for your kindness,
Tanya