Can anyone help me.
i dont think i can do this anymore. i think im having a little breakdown. im half way through my treatment, have been working also but lately work has been getting alittle too much but is demanding and something which i think i cant handle anymore.
me and hubbie went to Rome last weekend had a fab time but now i seem to be just digging myself into a hole of depression. when we got back i passed out while giving blood before my next treatment so had to stay in hospital for 48 hours for check ups. so havent really been working, but being in hospital made me realise that i cant keep doing this work as it is so demanding and stressfull and with the treatment its all too much.
i havent stopped crying since i came back home i just feel i cant do this anymore, i dont feel normal, i cant do normal things, im always tired which doesnt let me do the normal things i want, my hair is thin and i have bald patches, i cant work efficently. but if i cant work i cant pay my bills. i dont know what else i can do about my job. i havent switched my phone back or my emails on as i know i’ll be bombarded with messages.
although im getting help from family the person i really want help from is my husband. i need some sort of comfort that its all going to be okay. he’ll comfort me and then expect me to pick myself up the next day and doesnt understand that im actually breaking down at the moment and i feel that i dont have a rock in my life to hold on to and im drowning.
i dont know what to do in my life or how to get on with my life. im not happy and need some advice can anyone help?
Hema
I really wish I could help and come and give you a big hug. I think this stuff gets to us all. It sounds like you should speak to your GP and see if there’s any assistance they can provide you - counselling etc. Your hospital should also be able to help. I have had some really low days - but people on here and others have helped me try and get a better more positive attitude.
Take Care - Geraldine
thanks, this is the first time ive broken down. everyone says how ‘brave i am’ and ‘how stong i am’ but i just dont feel like that at the moment. been reading some threads on couselling, i did think about it at the earlier stage maybe its time i made the step.
Oh Hema
We all have times when we feel like this, when I was diagnosed with secondaries in december I had times when I felt so alone…I worried (and still do) about how my husband and young son will cope, I also worry about my twin sissy who is also finding it so hard at the moment. I spend my days at home mostly on my own as I have lung secondaries which make me so breathless I cannot work (Oh but i want to!!!).
You are scared. Your husband will be scared too. Sounds like you both need to sit down and have a heart to heart about your situation. Maybe work is too much at the moment, perhaps you could go part time. Have you applied for Disability Living Allowance as I believe we can get this ( I am in the process of applying), this may help financially. I have never had counselling and have no idea who my breast care nurse is but perhaps you have access to these…
I have found as treatment is going along (I am having 5 of 6 taxotare on Tuesday) I have felt mentally a bit better…
You will get lots of support here…please take care.
Jan xx
Hi
Do you have a cancer care support centre, if so ring them, they will get you in touch with a counsellor, get intouch with your gp, they can give you help with medication if you want it,(I found that so helpfull, felt odd for a couple of days, then could actually start to function again. Get in touch with the mcmillan nurses, they can give advice and call round to have a chat with you. I had to do this 7 years ago, part way through chemo as I just fell apart. As for work can it not wait, do you really need it?? can you not go off sick for a few weeks(or months). Chemo is bad enough without trying to work as well.
Remember we all at sometime need help
Ann
Hi Hema
You sound like you are at meltdown. You must go see your GP and get signed off, even for the short term to give yourself time to recover and think. I know you say if you can’t work, you can’t pay the bills, but if you push yourself too hard, you may make yourself really ill and be off a lot longer. I know it sounds impossible, but it can be done. I have worked full time for many years. We are mortgaged to the hilt and have the usual debts. I decided to stop work whilst on treatment, mainly because my blood pressure was so high with stress, I would have probably had a stroke on top of everything else! I spend next to nothing now compared to what I did but surprisingly have managed. I contacted the bank about the mortgage, they were fine and are reducing our payments until I work again. Your health comes first.
Cathy
xx
Hi,
I don’t know if this will help, but I have just spent 2 hours with a macmillan nurse. I have had secondaries for 6 years now and never has anyone suggested i should have this contact before. My oncologist said on Tuesday she would arrange this - and I am so impressed. When I read your post i felt that if you had such contact it could really be a help to you as well. May I suggest you contact your GP and your oncology team and ask them to arrange this for you as you feel you need their help. They will be great to listen, to make suggestions and liaise with your onc & GP if necessary, and I think will have advice on what financial help is available. Do you claim Disability Living Allowance - because you would be entitled to that under Special Rules - a macmillan nurse would help you with that too. It really is so rotten when this whole things suddenly hits you - I think you sound to me as if you have been very strong to keep working under such pressure. Sounds like time you put you first!
love
Dawn xxx
this is really hard for me as i never breakdown, im a trooper and never fail to be brave and strong but am in such a sad space at the moment im scared. i love my job and its really hard to give it up i dont know how it will be taken and whether i will have to quit or just take time off. i cant even call into work, cant get the courage to do it plus i dont know what i would say.
i agree i need the help and a macmillan nurse could be helpful, i will call and let you know how i get on.
thanks for your advice, its a tough time for all of us and nice to know im not the only one feeling what i feel.
Dear Hema
I am sorry to read that you are feeling so low, you may find Breast Cancer Care’s peer support service of help, our Peer Support telephone service aims to quickly put you in touch with one of our trained peer supporters, who has had a personal experience of breast cancer. Our peer supporters are from diverse backgrounds and ages and have experienced different types of breast cancer and treatments. They are ready to listen, offer skilled emotional support and share their experiences and understanding
For more information about this and our other support services available to you, please telephone our helpline on 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm) or email: <script type=“text/javascript”>eval(unescape(‘%64%6f%63%75%6d%65%6e%74%2e%77%72%69%74%65%28%27%3c%61%20%68%72%65%66%3d%22%6d%61%69%6c%74%6f%3a%69%6e%66%6f%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%22%3e%69%6e%66%6f%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%3c%2f%61%3e%27%29%3b’))</script>
Best wishes
Katie
Hi
Ican only offer same advice as Dawn, we tend to carry on as if we are normal and try to protect family and friends when we actually need help.
When we are having treatment we need tobe kind to ourself get plenty of rest how can we stay positve if we are stressed.
Good luck
DebsinCornwallxxx
Hi Hema
Why on earth would you have to quit? If you are an employee you have a right to sick leave and no-one could blame you if you took some. Unless your boss is a monster and if you love your job, he/she can’t be, they will understand and if they don’t, they are not worth working for… First thing to do is arrange to see your doctor today or tomorrow. Get a sick note and get your husband to ring in and send in the sick note and then take it from there. It really sounds as though you are depressed and your GP will help you.
Cathy
x
Oh Hema
Think it is harder for those of us who normally hold things together etc etc - the “troopers” as you describe us. Everyone expects us to be ok and looks to us for support - and sometimes that just isn’t possible. You really need some support yourself at the moment and lots of people have suggested different things. I had counselling about 3 months after my secondary dx and found it really helpful - I could say to the counsellor things that I couldn’t say to friends and family because it would upset them (and then I end up comforting them!). Sounds like your GP might be the best person to contact initially, unless you have got good contact with a BCN.
And the GP could also sign you off work for longer which will give you chance to take stock. You should be able to be signed off and still be paid (assume you are not self-employed) - I can take upto 6 months sick leave on full pay. You say you love your job and it would be sad to resign at this stage, when you may feel much more able to deal with everything once you are through your treatment. I have just had a really helpful meeting with my boss and HR about how to stage my return and ensure I don’t overdo things. You are covered by the Disability Discrimination Act.
Take care - and, as Dawn says, put yourself first for a while at least!
Sending you lots of cyber hugs
Kay
i changed jobs last year to something i enjoyed doing and started to work for a friend of mine and i just dont know how to tell him that i need the time off. he really needs to support in his business and i dont want to let him down. hence why i dont know how to tell him, plus i feel bad him still paying me while im off sick as its a new business and not making much money yet.
Friends rally round - I’m sure he would rather you have a couple of weeks to sort out your feelings and get some help - than lose you for ever.
Hi Hema
Sorry to hear you feeling down…and i understand how you feel about your husband not really realisin and expectin everythin to be done as usual…my partner although the most caring and wonderful loving man who (to me has walked this planet!!) is similar as the times i get low and upset he still expects me to carry on as if nothing is happening and says oh dont cry, why are you crying? - well what use is that!!! like you say some understanding and a shoulder/hug would be nice - but i have to say i put this down to him just being a man and got used to it…what i am trying to say is even the most caring men out there and im sure your husband is one of them just behave this way but i agree it would be nice for a bit more support at these times. I have to say my partner is generally a good man and does do stuff for me when im tired and always gets my breakfast and does my ironing every morning so i am very fortunate but when i need a hug as im upset he doesnt seem to relate to that!!! men eh!!! …do you have any close friends you could chat too??? or other friends locally that have been through a similar experience? and if not perhaps you need to seek some counsellin like others have suggested? …
Have you tried reiki? or meditation or visualisation cds? - I know sounds like gobbledegook and i only do one of these once or twice a week but its supposed to help your body and make you feel happier and more at ease with yourself - kinda works for me…although i think you n me are very similar in nature - i come across a tough cookie but underneath am not always that tough and get really upset and cant cope sometimes, but somehow i manage to pick myself up again…
just a thought regarding the dreaded bills - have you asked your mortgage lender if can change your mortgage payments to interest only? i did - it cost me i think £75 to do, but it then meant i could cut my working week down from 4 to 3 days a week to help me deal with everything…the only trouble is i like you i absolutly love my job so after 2 months went back to a 4 day week! but i still havent changed my mortgag back - bit naughty really but i think so what if it adds another year on it at the end? who cares! 
Hoping you are feeling a bit better - have you got any chocolate??? CHOCOLATE always helps!!! lol!!!
take care xxx
Hi hemly
just wanted to echo what everyone has said, you do not have to quit your job but you have to take out some time and get a bit of rest, otherwise you just wont be able to carry on. This is a really really hard situation and you are not a skiver with flu or bad back etc (no disrespect to people with that!!) you are undergoing major treatment which will really exhaust you and its cumulative.
You are totally covered by DDA and your employer has to make adjustments for you - its the law, its not up to you to shoulder the whole risk of hiring people at the cost of your sanity. I hope that makes sense,
Please take care of yourself, the men in our lives whilst loving and supportive have no idea what 4 or 5 chemos add up to in fatigue, because they cant see it- thats my theory.
Cathy
zippy, i can totally relate to that! yep i love my husband dearly and yes he does do things for me but its exactly as you say when it comes to me being upset he just cant comprehend. this morning he told me to ‘pull myself together’ that made me mad and i havent spoken to him since. how dare he!!!
I just started yoga and back to the gym which makes me feel good but i think i need to re-think my work situations and like Hopege said he maybe be a bit more sympathetic. I was already working from home most days which wasnt too bad kept me sane and active but i just cant take the stress of it all anymore as it is a demanding job. im going to try and gear myself up to speaking to him tomorrow as longer i leave it the harder it will get.
i have freinds and family nearby but not sure who to talk to and whether i should, i think i would rather talk to someone independent from them as i prefer to sheild them than tell them. i suppose thats another battle i need to over come… but thats for another day.
i dont have any decent chocolate at home but i was thinking of popping to M&S and get some yum biscuits!
thanks guys im starting to see things a little clearer now - although still unable to fight back the tears - and a path i need to take, aswell as the bl**dy treatments and coping with mets cancer i have to deal with this also. its crap, im just tired of it all dont think im going to be happy for a while but thats just me letting it out. its good to let it out.
thank you
hi hemly,
Please get in touch with your local mcmillan support and citizens advice bureaux, they are so helpful. Your hospital should have their Tel. nos.
My husband has been out of work since my diagnosis,( what timing eh, but it’s great to have him at home with me! ) and I couldn’t continue in my work as it is a heavy manual job,( I’ve had a mastectomy ), so I’m on statutary sick pay only, until all my treatment is finished. The advice we got was brilliant and a big weight off our minds. We’re in a dire situation but have found we are entitled to several benefits and should cope.Hope you get all the help you need,hemly, it’s enough coping with the cancer without worrying about money too, isn’t it!
it’s nice to be at home, relax, get some fresh air and take stock. YOU are the most important thing just now.
God bless you, take care,
Ann (((HUG))) xx
Hi Hemly
I just wanted to echo what others have said about the mcmillan nurses, one of the chemo nurses phoned my GP for me while I was having chemo and asked for me to be referred to the community mcmillan nurse. She came out to visit me and I found it really helped she suggested I go to a hospice 1 day a week for day therapy where I’d get emotional support, I didn’t want this at the time so she referred me to the hospice for complimentry therapy. It’s been really helpful and calming.
Liz x
Hi
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time coping at the moment. It’s so difficult trying to cope with everything that happens on this journey and then to have to add money worries into the equation is just the pits! I I can’t comment on the MacMillan nurses from personal experience but have heard nothing but good about them.
I had a little mini meltdown last week - my son crashed his car - and I just lost the plot, did the whole fitof the screaming abdabs and the using of very naughty word. Have to say I felt so much better for it and was able to go back to work and carry on as normal on Monday.