I had a lumpectomy and 13 lymph-nodes removed two weeks ago. I was told they have got all the cancer out but I would now need chemotherapy followed by radiotherapy just to be sure.
A couple of people I know have said oh that’s great you’re cancer free, we must go out and celebrate, to which I’m a little bit confused.
yes it’s great the got all the cancer out, but I still have to go through chemo and radiotherapy. I’m still in shock as this has been only a month since I was diagnosed and I feel guilty for not feeling happy that I don’t have cancer anymore.
Hello @Sue8822
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!
The physical effects of being treated for breast cancer are in my opinion at least far outweighed by the psychological effects. It sounds like are you are relatively new to this world that you never chose to be part of.
I finished radiotherapy last week (thankfully I don’t need chemotherapy) and was told by various people “to ring the hell out of that bell”, and felt like a freak for not feeling like doing so.
I was diagnosed in July and had a lumpectomy and SNB followed by radiotherapy but right from the very start the part which has caused me the most anxiety is the 5 years of hormone therapy and I haven’t even started that!
I have concluded that very well meaning family and friends will say all sorts of positive and what they consider to be helpful things: it seems everybody “knows somebody who….” however, the only people who truly understand what you are going through are people who have actually had or have breast cancer.
I have found this forum so so helpful for precisely this reason.
I was also able to talk to my friend’s mum who had breast cancer 20 years ago: I didn’t know her before but she was happy to chat and it made such a difference to be able to talk to her.
I’m also lucky enough to be close enough to a Maggie’s centre and am part of their breast cancer support group.
I’ve no doubt there are other forum users will jump on and say much the same: I think that once you walk through that door marked “cancer diagnosis” whether you become “cancer free” or not, you never really leave that room
xxx
Hi Sue8822
I soo get what you mean, and also that your friends are wanting to be supportive and encouraging to you, yet you are aware you have yet much to go through.
But how about looking at it this way - That you “celebrate” that you have successfully gotten through your “first stage”, i.e. the surgery? That that itself warrants some form of “marking”, do you think? It’s so flippin hard, isn’t it. I had two masts with full Auxillary node clearance, 2006 and 07. Was sooo relieved to be told I wouldn’t need chemo with the first, that I threw a big impromptu celebratory party. Didn’t want to know with the second - totally smashed me up, it being so soon after the first. But treatment regimes were very different in those days, and I’m fully aware that it’s very different in your case.
And I totally agree with adoptedmanc, the psychological effects take a lot longer to come to terms with, and that family and friends come out with well meaning things, but aren’t really aware how it knocks the s**t out of you. Took me up to my five years annual check and being “signed off” so to speak, before it got pushed to the “back” of my mind, and no longer at the forefront of it.
But, it may do you some good, give you a lift, to also have a good night out, and “celebrate” what you’ve gotten through so far.
Wishing you all the best, and sending you love and strength to get you through,
Delly xXx
How you are feeling/thinking and anything else in between is your business, and yours alone - you should never feel guilty.
Unless going through treatment for cancer no one can understand the effect it all has on you both mentally and physically. I just wanted to be left alone to get through it in my own way I did not want to even talk about it (still don’t) I refuse to give it house room.
I had my own little celebrations (new hat) treated myself to snuggle blanket, little things that I wanted and made me feel comfortable and happy.
I finished all of my treatment end of April this year - but there is still the long term meds that take their toll along with future checkups - we are all different in how we handle the diagnosis/treatment and how we get on with our lives afterwards (there is no right or wrong) people mean well they just have no comprehension - we were once in that category before our own diagnosis.
Lots and lots of good wishes HUGE hugs, and everything in between there are always lots of lovely ladies on here who understand where you are coming from and will gladly chat if needed.
Keep strong you can and will get there.
Poppy xx
Hi Sue
This is your experience, nobody else’s and, as others have said, no one can truly understand it unless they are part of cancerworld. Maybe you should explain to your friends that this is just the first stage of your treatment over and, although they have removed the active tumour so you are ‘cancer-free’, they now have to make sure no rogue cells are travelling around looking for new homes. This involves a gruelling schedule of chemotherapy, during which you’d really welcome practical help, like lifts to hospital and moral support/hand-holding, and radiotherapy which is daily for three weeks ,in most cases (and you get no choice of tattoo, no rose, no butterfly, no finger to cancer). It’s a huge and daunting commitment so it would be premature to celebrate. - too much lies ahead.
This isn’t a negative perception of the situation, it’s practical. I had no wish to ring that bell because I knew it wasn’t the end of the story - hormone therapy and lingering side effects still lay ahead. Most people don’t realise that radiotherapy continues working and some people experience nothing during treatment but, two weeks later, they can feel the microwave at work inside. Try to understand that your friends i) are well-intentioned and happy for you but ii) they are easing their own fears for you. You can’t be responsible for how they feel but they shouldn’t try to impose their premature celebrations on you when, to be frank, you have no idea what’s ahead. Many women cope well with chemo, many are flattened by it. Many women experience little discomfort from radiotherapy, others do. There are no certainties except having the treatment should lead to a greater degree of certainty for you, though your life will still have breast cancer in it. You will know when you’re ready to celebrate. My moment came in the garden when I lifted my face to the sun (left chest carefully covered lol) and realised I felt free - no pressure, no appointments, just freedom to choose what I wanted to do without consulting my diary. Bliss.
From diagnosis on, your life is focused on cancer. That is sh**. It is a massive attack on your body and on your mind and it takes a long time to find yourself back on an even keel. But you will find that moment of pure joy when the time is right. I wish you all the best for the treatment ahead. Keep posting what’s going well, what support you need from us if things are not great - that’s what we’re here for. But remember, every person’s experience is different.
Take care and good luck,
Jan x
Hi @Sue8822
Hope you are feeling better?
Am Delivering some lovely flowers to give us all some “cheer” today, to fellow thread chums. Please would you pass them on to any other of your own other threads.
Courtesy of, and with love from “Delly-veroo”. xx
