i dont know why i feel so sad

hi everyone not sure if its normal to feel this way, when people tell me im lucky they caught it early and its all over now yes to the outside world ppl think its over but to me i just cant seem to move forward. i was dx with dcis high grade begin of oct 08 was told masectomy was the only option as widespread.i was offered reconstruction immeditly if i wanted, as no eviedence of invasion, but they couldnt say for def going on my age 26, and the symptons, any way i opted to go ahead with it all so on the 30t oct 08 i had masectomy of right breast and reconstruction inplants with ld flap and an snb test.im now 2 and a half weeks post op . on the 7th nov went for test results on the breast removed the consultant said all fine just dcis no lymph nodes involvement no invasion but are going to test for estogen to see about takin tamofin my opinion if i have to take tablets would rather have the other breast removed my consultant said it would be nice to keep the one real breast. im gald there is no invasion and dont want to sound un grateful i am totally thankful .
i just cant seem to move forward every day i think what if they have missed small amount of invasion they found 6 cm dis my breast weighed the same as a bag of sugar. will in a few years i find i have it some were else in my body ,will i live to be old, will i see my 2 boys grow up, because im young will i have more chance of it returning faster its starting to rule my life im on the internet all hrs reading on the chances of it returning im so sad and feel so angry to have to go through this at my age my firends seem to think its over now but mentally its not the fear is starting to rule me i feel like i should be grateful nd move on because ppl out there are battling far worse then me i know, but i cant shift the feelings of what if its already some were else in my body im not sure if this is normal feelings to feel or not im not seeing any consultants or plastic surgeons to next year i just feel ive been there for the past 8 weeks now its stopped and i meant to ty to get back to normality i have been very positive but just cant seem to get back to being me it really has knock me fo six
sorry for this over long post but i think it has helped me by typing this and getting it off my chest. would be lovely to hear from anybody many thanks xxxxxx

Hi Faith11,

If you were diagnosed only a few weeks ago it’s still early days, and you’ve been through a lot in a very short space of time. No wonder you’re in a bit of a dark place.

There’s a brilliant article by a Dr Peter Harvey called “After treatment finishes” which is well worth a read.

The helpline on here is also really good and don’t be worried about ringing and offloading.

There’s also the Cancer Counselling Trust which could help.

Good luck and remember there’s loads of people here who know what that dark place feels like and are cheering you on.

L. x

Hi Faith

I just wanted to echo Lanterna’s words and say please do feel free to call our helpline where you can speak to someone in confidence about how you are feeling. Our team can talk to you about other support we can offer you too such as ‘Peer support’, this telephone service aims to quickly put you in touch with one of our trained peer supporters, who has had a personal experience of breast cancer. Our peer supporters are from diverse backgrounds and ages and have experienced different types of breast cancer and treatments. They are ready to listen, offer skilled emotional support and share their experiences and understanding.

The number to call is 0808 800 6000 weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2

I hope this helps.
Best wishes

Just posted on surgery thread. I have got the all clear after DCIs high grade diagnosed. Had mastectomy two weeks ago and j ust been for results. Nothing more found, no treatment.Asked about tamoxifen but surgeon doesnt think it required for DCIS. Going out for a big drink tomorrow, cant today as taken tablets no booze allowed. !

hi horesemad fantastic news for you we have had the same but im not sure why they are testing mine for estogen to see if i need to take tamoxfin its meant to help protect the so called good breast thatsonly what i have been told but i have not heard nothing more they will write to me with my next appointment in a about 12 weeks it is such a relief to hear the good news im so pleased for you as we must be about the same post op wise i will be 3 weeks on thursday and i dont blame you for going out for a big drink im saving mine up for the xmas festive hehe x

Faith, you remind me how I felt not long ago. It is natural to feel that way. We all have been so traumatised by the experience and the thoughts of it hit us badly. I was so crushed when my consultant told me that I may have malignant cancer when I saw him the first time in June and that I need to have biopsy to determine whether it has become invasive. I was on my own that day and had a good sob alone in the car after leaving the hospital. Yes, it scares me. I had many sleepless nights. OK. I am much older than you (56), nevertheless it shook me too. I had so many awful thoughts and images of my two friends who died because of BC. I thought, I am just another number now. Luckly there is an organisation like Breast Cancer Care, lovely people and you get support and can ask questions.

As time passes, I slowly began to accept it. OK, so I have cancer now, what can I and the health professional do to help me. My biopsies were not straight forward. I had two core biopsies (bloody painful) which were not conclusive, then I had a wire guided biopsy. The result took a long time, which was frustrating but at the same time it gave me time to trawl the internet to obtain all info. Finally the consultant told me I have a high grade DCIS Comedo necrosis and I must have mastectomy. I went to see a second opinion the following week and was told that I have no choice but must have mastectomy.

Anyway, finally they operated on me 1st week October and I have an immediate reconstruction. The operation was long, it was 16 hours actually. I felt extremely dreadful after the op, but miraculously I recovered faster than expected. My histopathology result shows that I also have invasive cancer grade 1. Yes, I do wonder if my breast surgeon removed all the cancer tissue. feel that I am unlucky to have cancer but I am lucky that I do not need chemo or radio therapy, only tamoxifen for 5 years to prevent the recurrence and protect the other breast. It is all behind me now, the trauma, the shock, the awful thoughts, etc. The word cancer does not scare me anymore, in fact it thoughens me a bit, he… he… I saw some women much younger than me who are also affected.

My daughters bought me a couple of books about coping with it and the diet for cancer (but I am always on the healthy eating side). It provides a lot of help and information. Like they say, we need to be positive. Hopefully our mind can influence our body or health.

I have been out celebrating with a couple of drinks. I hope you are feeling stronger and more positive each day. God Bless.

hi misspiggy thank you so much for sharing your story and kind thoughts with me, i do feel better knowing it is normal to feel this way even thoe i hate feeling like this and wish i could shift the horrible thoughts as you say im sure as eachday comes i will feel better i think it could well be the shock of it happening so fast.
i do hope that some day the word cancer wont scare me but at the minute to me its a frightning word. i to feel well from my op and love the reconstruction that is no problem for me the thought is what if they missed some when they were examining the breast and the lymph node they took. even thoe i do have every faith im my consultant surgeons etc ite always in the back of my mind.

the books sound a good idea and may be i should eat more healthy i am slim but eat lots of rubbish food so may be slim but un healthy hehe i take it eating healthy will help keep the cancer away im not really sure on the point of the healthy eating other then it is good for you hehe dont get me wrong i eqat a varied diet along with some nice treats hehe
any way thank you again you have brightned myday with your kind words glad you are doing well also

and thanks to every one else who has left m kind reasurrances on here laterna i may take the oppurtunity and give some one a call although im not very good onthe old telephone calls hehe thanksxxxxx

Hi there

I have just finished chemo 2 weeks ago as along with the DCIS I has a cancerous lump and cyst, has mast and recon in June just before my 40th birthday. I know that life will never be the same again as myself and all of the other ladies on here will always have the fear of it returning hanging over us. I am sure that in time it won’t be the first thing on my mind when I wake in the morning and the last thing I think of before sleep at night. What we have been through has been very traumatic and we are probably still in a state of shock, it all happens so so fast.

I am determined not to let this take over my life and try to put it behind me. What’s worse upsetting myself everyday and leading a half life worrying what if?, or jumping back in with both feet and enjoying time with my hubby, boys, friends and family knowing how lucky I am to be here.

Worst case scenario one day it comes back, I deal with that when and if it happens but hopefully in the meantime I’ll have a great life, I’m trying to look at it as being given a second chance at enjoying the life I took for granted for so long.

Not sure if the witterings of someone with chemo brain are any good to you lol

You enjoy those boys they will help to get you through your dark times, mine have been a godsend ( 9 & 11 ).

Take care.

Lots of love



hi anndi thank you so much for your message, you are right in saying we have been given a second chance in life that people take for granted i know i did i look at life in a differen way now thats for sure and thats while i am aiming to do move on and enjoy life
thank you fo your kind words and sharing your story with me just hearing other people seems to make me see te right way to go to leading a normal life
thank you and take care yourself
love kim xx