Just as we went into lockdown, I was diagnosed with a small grade 1 cancer, 8/8 er positive as a result of routine screening. I have been taking tamoxifen since in lieu of a lumpectomy due to COVID etc. I know that I am luckier than many but I am increasingly anxious due to the delay in my surgery. However, I am starting to feel a bit of a fraud as I know many ladies are getting a much worse diagnosis than me.
is it ok to feel scared, tearful, tired etc or am I being a total wimp? I am 64 but pretty fit and hate to be ill…
Hi yolande
It’s ok to feel however you feel - unfazed, shell-shocked, self-absorbed, whatever. A breast cancer diagnosis brings a LOT of emotional baggage and everyone reacts differently. A breast cancer diagnosis is also not a competition and I certainly have come across very few instances of people dismissing early diagnosis as less serious. In fact, the recovery rate for early detection is over 90% now so you are in an enviable position. But that doesn’t make it less scary!!
Thinking about the ‘little’ things that went through my mind during my treatment, I can imagine that not having surgery or treatment immediately might be quite worrying but one thing I learnt quickly was to trust my team - they wouldn’t put you on hormone therapy if it wasn’t going to help! It will be containing the problem for now, preventing further spread. I was interested in your comment about hating being ill. I went from being a perfectly healthy sprightly 67 yo to ‘being ill’ but it wasn’t the breast cancer per se, it was the shock of the diagnosis, the fear - and then the chemo. However, I’m still here and very grateful to be.
It won’t be long now before you have your breast surgery and, presumably, radiotherapy. Hospitals are catching up but it might be worth ringing your breast care nurse to find out what is happening and when it’s likely to happen. You should mention your mixed feelings - breast care nurses are brilliant at putting things into perspective so don’t feel you’re a fraud or wasting her time. You certainly are not! And this comes from someone with a much more advanced breast cancer than yours (no competition, jut showing there IS no competition, if that makes sense).
You might also consider doing more to protect your mental wellbeing. Running, long walks, bingeing on chocolate, mindfulness, whatever helps you relax (maybe less of the chocolate). I am just about to plug into a YouTube video to unwind (I have a treatment tomorrow). Look for Progressive Hypnosis and Michael Sealey - they have seen me through the last 18 months.
I wish you all the best and hope you don’t have to wait much longer x