I feel relieved and blessed - wanting to stay positive

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Hi All,

Single mother of two wonderful boys 12 & 17.

Was Diagnosed in Sept last year with the proverbial bomb shell!!!

At first was having lumpectomy then due to the spread of the cancer to the lymph nodes (packed out) and being HER2+ was advised I needed chemo firstly.

Had x4 A & C and then x 4 Taxotere (nightmare!!!)

Have just had mastectomy and level 3 lymph node clearance 10 days ago. Maybe I am living in a bubble but it is the first time I feel since being diagnosed I have a real fighting chance.

Yes my breast has gone, yes who will ever want to come near me (relationship wise) in the future, yes I swell up with my treatment and yes I can’t walk or do anything for the tiredness and weakness in my joints etc etc but my boys have accepted me all along as I am.

As for me, losing my breast is the best thing that could have happened and is since I was told about this horrible disease.

As of yet not had my results (from pathology) go next Thursday but I feel for the first time

I HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE - I have not cried and can’t cry (well not yet any way) as my youngest said to me “why would you want to cry about getting your cancer taken out of you”

I feel relieved. Its not over, I find out next stage, which should be a month of radiotherapy and continued Herceptin (had x3 so far) for the next year followed by 8yrs of Hormone treatment.

Maybe just maybe it hasn’t hit me yet - but I truely feel relieved and I have a chance.

I LOVE MY NEW HAPPINESS BUBBLE (and yes I go out wigless too!! my boys and me are okay with it so tough, everyone else will have to be!!)

we need some positive times and this is mine

JO
xxxx

Ps Even wanted the op recording but ended up in Hosp before my op due to stomache cramps and vomiting so forgot to write to ask the trust. Recorded most of everything else I have experienced, was hoping it may be of use to others in the future!

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Hi Jo
It’s good to hear someone feeling so positive especially as I’ve had the worst day emotionally and physically since being diagnosed in feb
I am recovering from having a mastectomy on wed and think the after effects of anaesetic have made me feel very down, that and this is my 3rd operation in 5 weeks.
I never really felt any pain after the other 2 ops but feel like I’ve been kicked in the chest by a horse…that could be down to developing an infection after WLE op.
I hope that I to can feel as positive as you in a few days…just reading your post has put a new perspective on things for me.
Thank you and good luck for the future xx

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Hi Jo

I remember feeling pretty chuffed and quite pleased after my surgery. You’re right! You do have a chance, you’ve come through so much. You can have on going treatment with the Herceptin and Hormone plan - that’s good good.

And I love your boy’s logic. Brilliant, you can’t argue with it. Lovely to read your story and feel your enthusiasm to fight this through.

All the best
Love L x

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A great post-of course you have a chance! I can relate to some of your comments (despite having secondaries).

I can very much relate to your feelings of not being overly concerned about the loss of a breast-I’m not terribly image conscious, and this aspect of the loss was for me quite easy to handle. Likewise going without a wig-perish the thought of wearing one! I have actually had more questions/stares over the years, due to having to wear compression garments for lymphoedema!

I also feel that trying to stay as upbeat as possible will serve you well. It may not change what can physically happen, but it sure makes life much more pleasant-not just for you, but for those who love you. There will be times when black thoughts will take over-that is inevitable, and why treatment/life with cancer is often referred to as being as rollercoaster. But a good strategy for me is to remind myself on a bad day, that tomorrow may dawn a little brighter. Taking a day at a time seems to be such a ridiculously simple option-but it works for me, so I’m not knocking it! I hope it works for you too.

Good luck with the rest of your treatment.

To Chris-it will get better. 3 ops in 5 days is a lot, so it’s not surprising that your body and mind are rebelling. Hope you feel much better, very soon.

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Hi Jo

Well done for being so positive and brightenening up my day. I am in s aimilar position to you. Have had 3 FECs and one tax so far. Tax was on Tuesday and i’m in quite a bit of joint pain. My mx will follow treatment too and my plan is similar to yours re hormone treatment. Could I ask what particular se’s did you experience with tax.

Keep focusing on on the bright side. We can do this

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Hi all,

Mrs Mc, I found Taxotere by far for me the worst out of the lot, op included!!! Side Effects: swelling, joint and muscle pain both to the extent I could not walk, two steps at a shuffle and was exhausted. My swelling has not just been in ankles but the whole leg, stomache, tops of arms and face. (I should say I do generally suffer hyper sensitivity to things prior to treatment - never ever experienced swelling like this,been worse in the treatment though) Horrid taste in mouth which I can only describe as old fashioned Lard!! It would appear I put up with too much though with my treatment. Had chronic indigestion (still do) thrush mouth ulcers etc etc Nose bleeds, blurred vision in eyes, ear aches and sore throats generally. Discolouration of finger and toe nails which also meant a weird squellching noise as the nail is trying to fall off!!Numbness of feet and finger tips (couldnt write properly and sometimes couldnt hold cups etc. Spots (or could this be the herceptin???) Off food and felt quite sickly although not suppose to feel it as much as on the A & C but for me this was far worse. Every two weeks after rec’d chemo had terrible stomache cramps and vomiting. I think for me personally the swelling and pain associated with my legs and feet thus not been able to walk properly.
Sorry seems to long winded but thats how it is!!! Have my next Herceptin on Wed. Hopefull I am able to hold off from swelling and am able to walk. Dont want my bubble bursting just yet!!

Good luck to you too,
JO
xx

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Hi jo

Thanks for all the info. I am slowly coming around to myself. Just old niggling aches but feeling much better. Have had problems going to loo and have passed blood so it looks like ples is the next thing to visit! Lovely! Good luck for Wednesday. As you say things will only get better and its great to have all the support here.