firstly i just want to thank all the positive advice from you all, you really helped me make that first step forward in healing myself. i wanted to update you all in what has happened in the past few days.
lat friday night i started to get a pain on my right side from my shoulder to underneath my rib cage, i was worried that it had to do with my liver so i went into hospital to check it out. i ended up staying in the night as they were worried about me. the doc could see that i was pretty much stressed out and not dealing and coping with the treatment well.
the next morning the consultant told me that i could have a slight bleed in my liver which is why i am experiencing pain and mentioned that this is normal and should clear up.
he could see that i was really stressd out and started to talk about how im coping with it all and i just tottaly broke down told him i couldnt and am finding it hard to do anything. he mentioned anti depressents and to see a pyscho therapist. he was really nice and had a chat with me about my family, work etc… im glad he saw that i wasnt taking it well as i dont think i could have said anything myself. i also didnt want to go home i felt that people at the hospital could help more than my nearest and dearest. but i eventually went home.
i still wasnt speaking to my husband, it had been about 3 days, when i came home we had an argument and i explained my side and he explained his. now i just tell him when he’s being un supportive so he understands and he said he should just speak to me when i need or want something but sometimes i think the minor things he should just be expected to know.
im still not 100% and im still thinking about work and whether they are okay without me. i want to check my work emails but everytime i think about it i get all stressed out with it all, so i dont.
i think its going to take me a long time to get back to being me and im hoping the therapy will help. i dont even know whether i want to get back to work and at the same job or just do something for me.
Hi hemly,
Its good to hear from you, i’ve been thinking about you & have said a few prayers for you. I’m so pleased the doctors have diagnosed your liver problem & it will get better, i’m glad they were all really supportive & wish you all the best with your therapy. Try not to worry about work too much, you have such alot on your plate at the moment, you need to take some time just for you. I’m glad you have had a chat with your hubby & things are going better there for you too, this is all such a horrible & stressful time for everyone isn’t it. try to keep talking to each other about everything. Sending you my very best wishes,
rivergirl x
you sound a lot more positive than you did a few days ago when you had just got back from Rome. You obviously need to rest and get better, then make decisions regarding work. Like you said, one step at a time. When you are well, deciding whats best will be far easier. I think the big problem with long term illness is that you forget what you were like when well and try to keep everything the same.
HI HEM No doubt you will have read before on BC site I had acute pancreatitis after first epi chemo. I really thought I was gonna die. It took a lot of courage to carry on with chemo . I had awful upset with my hubby when he came to take me home almost cracked up … just because he had’nt bought my bra in to wear to go home (I am well endowed so really need one ) the nurse had to come in and calm me down, I really thought I was gonna crack up . So know where your coming from . Prof Grieves said it would’nt happen again as they were aware of it.
I have’nt found the chemo easy and had awful panic attacks, cuz I was so scared and still am. Put work on one side for now YOU will know when you can face it again. Do’nt think unless you have been there yourself people realise the mental stress this bl/dy stinking bc puts you through.
Thinking of you lots of love Bobbiex
Hi Hemly,
I have just picked up on this thread and your other one.
Sorry to hear things have been really tough I totally understand how you feel.
I have been in that horrid place you’ve been to and all I can say is I always come out the other end and no one YET has
been beaten to a pulp while I’m getting there!!!
I think you have had an extreemly low period and I am sure things will pick up for you.
I see a counselor once a week and find that a huge help.
Men don’t listen, I nearly left my hubby last week and then he got his ears seen to at the docs!!!
but
joking aside I feel he dosn’t listen and then there are all the other outside influences.
A little bit of chemical help can work wonders, and you don’t get the hangovers on anti depressants like you do on a couple
of bottles of wine!
Women are amazing, just when you think that its…an inner strength kicks in and you just find the strength to pull through.
I don’t know what you work situation is but can you take some time off.
You need your strength and energy to get through this.
Hi Hemly,
Been thinking of you and wondering how you were doing. I’m sorry to hear of the liver problem but pleased that you were able to be honest to the doctors about how you’ve been feeling.
I really relate to what you say about your husband - I feel mine seems to need an explanation of how I’m feeling and yet he expects me to be telepathic to his needs. Communication doesn’t seem to be men’s strongest point!!
Take your time and be kind to yourself. I’m sure as time goes on things will become clearer in your mind but don’t pressurize yourself to have all the answers straight away. Just play things by ear and make sure you are being put first.
It sounds like you’re having a pretty tough time at the moment. Please remember if you would like to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment then you can always call the breast cancer care freephone helpline. The team on the helpline will be only too happy to talk to you and just be a listening ear if you feel you want to share your fears and concerns. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.
thanks guys, being on here has really helped. sometimes its takes a few days for the hospital to get things going but hearing from you all has helped loads i dont know what i would have done.
it is hard for us all, i really thought i was going to come out of it okay, when i was dx first time round i got through it really well but its juts really hit me real bad this time round. its hard to think that you would actually feel this bad as the instant is just thinking you will get through it.
now im off work, ive been trying to do normal things at home like cook and clean with the help with hubby as i cant do it on my own i just get really tired. today im going to the beech with a cousin, shes been going through a tough time too. so hopefully the sea will cheer us up!
i think i really had to stop when i did as i really dont have the energy and mind set to do anything at the moment. but i need to try and keep myself alittle busy rather than watching crap day time tele.
its hard with our partners, as much reserach you do with them and chats with the doctors you think they would undertsand a little. i hope you all get through it with your partners as it is a hard time for us.
i have an appointment with my consultant on thursday so we will see when i can re start me chemo and hopefully get the psycho therapist going. but im not sure about the anti depressents.
any advice??
I’m like you, Hemly, I have sometimes thought about anti depressants, and for a while thought I might have to take something to pull me out of my depression when I first got my secondaries diagnosis, but so far have managed to avoid them.
But I think if I found it hard to cope, and that I had reached a point where I knew that I needed them, I wouldn’t hesitate - for the sake of those around me as well as for my own sake.
It really is a matter for you to judge based on how you are feeling, and what other resources you have to help you get through the bad times.
I am so glad that you have taken the break from work and are doing therapeutic things like cooking (not sure about the cleaning). I have found having a really good clear out of my old junk has helped - as well as going out when the weather is sunny to hack away at the garden.