Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, and the way you are feeling is perfectly understandable. The wait for results/surgery etc is by far the hardest time for all of us - those of us with breast cancer, and all our friends and family members.
Even aggressive cancers are relatively slow growing - many take years before they are detectable - that doesn’t mean that they will necessarily have spread anywhere else in this time. Also, the wait between diagnosis and surgery is very normal - my mastectomy was five weeks after diagnosis, and although my tumour was Grade 3, and therefore aggressive, it hadn’t grown during those weeks.
Biopsies are not always accurate - which is why they will not have given your mother a firm stage as yet. The grade can often be ascertained from biopsy sample - but many women on here have had their grades upped after surgery - what started out as apparently a grade 1 or 2 cancer has turned out to be grade 3 when the full tumour has been biopsied - and this may well be why they have not given a definite answer as yet. Better in some ways to wait, and be certain, than to say that the news is not as good as at first hoped - if, indeed, it is worse.
From my own experience, I had a 3.2cm tumour in my left breast, and the u/s showed suspicious node - but the node biopsy was negative for cancer cells. However, post mastectomy and axillary clearance, I did have a cancerous node, and there were cancerous cells in the capsule surround it - the ultrasound was right. Biopsies only take a tiny sample - and although can confirm the presence of cancer cells, will not completely rule out cancer if the biopsy appears ok - and this is where an experienced radiographer and surgeon come in.
As for professionalism - I would much rather have a consultant who cared, deeply, for their patients than one for whom we were all just ‘case studies’ - the tears in her eyes may have been empathy, may have been a cold or allergy - but in any case, if it was through sorrow at the news, then I’d be more reassured that this consultant would move heaven and earth to help my mother.
You will have the full diagnosis post surgery - your mother may have to wait a week for results, or may know sooner - a week is perfectly normal. Be aware, too, that your mother is the one who has the right to know - you and your father are, of course, involved - but it is up to your mum what she wishes to know, and perhaps there are things that she would rather not have to deal with yet - including grade and staging. After all, ‘knowing’ will not make any difference to initial treatment, and perhaps she would rather take it one step at a time at the moment - we are all very different in how we react.
As for being there for your mum - when you don’t have the words, a hug and kiss say far more anyhow. Distracting her and being upbeat is possibly more helpful for your father, than it is for your mother - but remember that he has to deal with his own emotions too. Just tell your mum that you love her, and you’re there for her, and sneak her a hug every now and again. I can’t imagine that she can really think of anything else at the moment, so even if she is not talking about her feelings, acknowledging that she will be in turmoil is important.
Good luck - to all of you. This is so tough - but the waiting is the absolute hardest part. Once your mother has a plan of action, as it were, things will become easier - no matter what the diagnosis entails.
Sophie xxx