I need my friends out there

Hi

I have just finished my radiotherapy last week and have done really well keeping positive up until now. However, today I heard about an old friend, who I have not seen for some time. He had breast cancer 16 years ago and his cancer came back in the form of lymphoma and he died this week. I rang is wife today and had quite a long chat.

The thing is that it has really thrown me. I think it has hit me how easy it is for the dreaded thing to come back. I don’t think it is just that though, as I was starting to feel a bit down before today and after my treatment finished. I think it has only just started to sink in.

I have gone back to work on reduced hours and I look well, so everyone thinks I am fine. I am most of the time, but it just comes over me in waves and I start to feel down. My Husband does not know how I feel, as I know it will upset him. Me being so positive has helped him through it.

Thanks everyone. I have got it off my chest now (No pun intended!)

I feel better already.

Lots of love.

Julie.

Hi Julie,

Sorry to hear the news of your friend has impacted on you so much.
It is bad enough to lose a friend but when it comes so close to home it is very hard not to let it play on your mind.

I agree that when we look fine everyone thinks things are fine, but I feel that’s the way we want to appear even though be can be crumbling inside.

On another thread Roadrunner pointed us to the following link. Its quite a long article but well worth the read, its just up our street so to speak because it gives insight on how to carry on after treatment.

cctrust.org.uk/article3.htm

Take care
Carol

Hi Julie

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down at the moment.

Talking about how you are feeling is an important step in getting the help and support you need right now. You are not alone in the way you are feeling and many people contact us at Breast Cancer Care, many of whom have said they have felt very down and depressed at some point and with help and support, do begin to start feeling better in time.

You may find it helpful to contact us via our helpline on 0808 800 6000 Monday - Friday, 9am - 5pm Saturday, 9am - 2pm

Everyone on our helpline either has experience of breast cancer or is a breast care nurse. The team comes from a variety of backgrounds, so you can talk to someone who has an understanding of the issues you are facing.

The team is able to talk about emotional issues surrounding breast cancer and breast health.

I do hope you find this useful.

Kind regards.

Louise
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

Hi Julie

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Are you sure it is the breast cancer that came back though as I have never heard it come back as lymphoma?? It might just be a totally different cancer and lightning struck twice.

Either way its terrible. I am like you things like this really affect me just when I think I am getting a bit better.

Take Care

Alise x

Hi Julie

I met a colleague of my husband’s whilst waiting to see the oncologist and he broke down in front of me and it was really awful. I think when this happens our positivity gets a knock but that can only be natural under the circumstances as noone can be upbeat all the time. Take care

Starkie

Hi julie,
know exactly how your feeling, I lost my friend to secondary breast cancer in febuary of this year, she was dx just after me, then was dx with liver sec’s then brain.
it was awful seeing what this disease was doing to her, she was always so brave never complained once, took all the treatments that were offered.
her secondary dx knocked me for six, and her death really made me sit back and think this disease can come back and get you anytime.
but I tried to pull myself together and be as brave as she had been…which wasn’t easy…things like this do make you think/worry.
I’m very sorry to hear about your friend and send my condolences to his family and friends.

karen x

Hi Julie,

I remember the waves of tiredness - I finished my rads in September - the waves are much less now - in fact, I had forgotten about the ‘WAVE’ which I recall as an actual ‘feeling’ in my head and body, it was very depressing and made me feel so very tired! - SO this is good news for you and I that I had forgotten and this is the beginning of November!

I have been told it is normal for us to worry about lumps and constantly check our breasts and that we will feel safer as time goes by; we now know what cancer feels like so we are steps ahead!

I have been feeling very low and cry often, great big sobs at times, sometimes at very silly things! I have come to the conclusion I must be in mourning, as it feels so much like that - I remember how I felt when my father died and around the time of my divorce - its the same, and I guess it would all make sense, and I need to give myself the time to grieve - which I believe is generally around 18 months to get back on track from start to finish - at which point I hope to be stronger and more appreciative of the things in my life that are important to me - the rest can … sit on the back burner :o)

Hugs to you, Caroline x

PS this is a great place full of lovely people who know how we feel and can and want to help us :o)

hi i can understand how you feel, as my work collegues all comment on how well i look, one even said that chemo suited me!!! but inside i was breaking up with worry of reacurrance, so i think everyone at some time feels down its a natural part of the disease especially after all the treatments etc come to an end and we wonder if that it and then we hear of a friend or someone we know getting ill again. just try to stay possitive, we are all here to listen and give advice after all were the ones who have been through it and are still fighting. i wish you well . sorry to hear that you so down, sending you a hugggggg hope that helps even though ts through cyber space. love lynn xx

Thanks everyone for you kind words.

Alise - Yes I think I have jumped to conclusions re the cancer returning in my friend’s case. So you are probably right. Nevertheless, anyone dieing of cancer brings things home sometimes!

I will be going to his funeral next week. Probably not the best idea, but I promised I would. I feel a lot better now though and will try and return to my positive self!

Lots of love. Julie.