I think I should not have told him

Hi Cozza,

Just to say I am really glad you took the bull by the horns and made that appointment! I am sure all will be OK, I don’t think what happened to me happens too often.

I’ve just had my 12th Herceptin today, only another 5 to go. I am really looking forward to the festive season this year as I’ve got loads of energy back now - great consider I spent nearly 4 months hardly able to get out of bed. The only downer for me is I have a mammogram on New Year’s Eve and follow up with my surgeon in Jan. Would have loved to get it all out of the way before my job starts, but you can’t have it all ways.

Hi AllyT and Cherub

Thanks for sharing your story AllyT. Oh my. Just turned 40 and entering the best years of your life and then having to go through all that must have been awful. I wonder if doctors should actually make any comments about what they think it is - as they really cannot be sure and maybe just give out false hope if they think it is benign in some cases. I can understand why you would have felt closed off to everyone as there was a lot going on in your life - I am learning that sometimes you have to pull back in order to absorb it yourself before you can share your feelings with anyone. Your man sounds great though - and as for getting married! Best of Congratulations!! I have a sister getting married next summer. I went wedding dress shopping with her and her daughter and my mum. It was good and expensive fun! Hope you enjoy the whole pre-weddng day experience too.

I do hope that the mammogram and checkup went well today AllyT. Being terrified is understandable. Hope that all went excellent. Post back and let us know? By the way - Bambi is cute so you can’t be all bad on the ice.

Cherb - you made me do it! I am glad that I decided to go into this forum as all you women on hear speak a lot of sense. 4 months not being able to get out of bed! Oh my. That is scary. How do you manage it if you don’t mind me asking with all the bills to pay etc… I have not been working by choice since summer as had some redundancy money from my past job to keep me going - but now I need and want to go back to working again.

Hope all goes well in Jan - but hey - hope to hear from you before then anyway…

cozza

I was jobhunting but not getting benefits when diagnosed. I had a 3 month gap in NI from 3 years back when I was my dad’s full time carer, so this meant I couldn’t get incapacity. Thankfully we had some savings in the bank, good job as we had started a business a few weeks before I was diagnosed. My OH decided to put his business on hold and he managed to get some intermittent freelance work which kept us afloat; we paid our c/tax etc and then just lived really frugally. Thankfully, we don’t have a mortgage. As my OH works from home he was able to arrange everything so he could be at all the appointments with me; he also took me for radiotherapy every day as I don’t drive and I had a 40 mile round trip.

I’ve decided that after I start my new job and get a bit more settled my next move will be to take driving lessons again as I now realise I am too dependent on OH for transport. I think I will need to go for hypnotherapy first though, because it’s the one thing I am terrified of!

Hi Cherub.

Trust me - driving is the best thing you will ever do. I know that if I can do then I am sure anyone can. I passed in '96 - theory test and all. I was a nervous wreck - took me 7 attempts over a number of years. I would not change it for anything. Having taken so long to do it - I appreciate all that driving has to offer and always follow the rules of the road. It has helped me in my career and everything. Let me know if I can offer any assistance on this forum when you start your lessons again. You will do it. It starts in the mind and than translates into actions behind the wheel. If you think that everyone driving in their cars on the road was a learner once - then it does not seem so bad.

Thanks for sharing details of your life and dinance situation. Your OH is obviously very supportive of you (as he ought to be!).If I had a chauffer I might have thought differently about wanting to drive (only joking!). Go for it!

As regards finances - I hope that my diagnosis is good so I won’t have to worry about it. I would be able to manage if worse came to worse but I really want to get and do well with this job interview in January and don’t want to have this affecting me once I start. I do have a mortgage and really do want to keep my house etc…

Thanks!

coral

Hiya Cozza

Yeah Bambi is cute but a woman my age trying too balance just wont look right lol.

Mammo went ok yesterday, a little sore though but on my right breast not the one i had surgery on MMMMM!!!
Am i reading too much into this i wonder! Oh well get results in Jan so will know then i suppose.

Hows things on the BF front?? Hope it turns out well for you.

Take Care
Allison xx

Hello AllyT. Was thinking of you yesterday. Sorry you are feeling so sore. How odd that its the other side? I hope it does not stay sore - as it may impact on your christmas - which you need to be really special.

Thanks for asking about BF. He has disappeared off the face of the planet since earlier in the week, No returns of calls or texts. Wonder what he would do if I was really ill? It just goes to show that I cannot completely rely on him in times of trouble it seems. I never took him to be a fair-weather boyfriend - but I have to be fair to him - it’s early days and I have to follow the advice of the other ladies on the forum who have informed me that they had similar concerns with their men too.

If I am diagnosed I will probably not let him know. I will leave him be, and to be honest I will have other things on my mind to deal with and consider.

If I get an all clear and only need a lumpectomy (as I really want the lump removed as I am not exactly big on top and it’s annoying me!), then I will tell him, but will have to have a serious talk about our future together. I can see that we have reached a cross-roads and I am not now sure if we want to go in the same direction together.

Hi Cozza

You have to put yourself first now, you are the important one now!!

Lol … Hey im not big on top either but since my op i have one bigger than the other and it looks not too bad, wouldnt mind the other one being this size.

Dont really know what to say about your BF could be many reasons he is like this i suppose. Please dont let his way of dealing with this affect your happiness he coould just be freaked out by this situation. Give him time is prob the best bet. Wow men are funny creatures sometime and im raising 2 boys, guess i will have to get into their heads early and brainwash them on the way to treat a woman lol.

Hope ypur well

Allison x