When I was diagnosed in 2003 I’d decided I’d like to have a child as I had found the lump and been told it was benign so the scare made me think i should have a child. Then when I was diagnosed they said I had to wait five years and would I still be alive? Well I am alive and don’t see why I shouldn’t have one. I could only have a child by egg donation due to my age (now 54). Has anyone else managed to get treatment under the NHS or if not how much does it cost? My new boyfriend is keen to have children, if we had a child together it would be his even if biologically not mine.
I was at Barts and they told me that my request was most unusual and that Newham my NHS area had never paid for anyone to have fertility treatment so I don’t hold out much hope of getting anything via Barts or Newham
Hi Mole
I haven’t a clue who the medical team is, but all I will say is good luck getting assistance to have a child.
I may be misinterpreting, but your post reads as though you feel you have a right to a child? If you had only decided when you got diagnosed at the age of 47 that you wanted one then, you had already left things quite late, and at 54 many women have started their menopause regardless of whether it was caused by treatment, so I am not surprised your request is considered unusual.
I am quite aware I had left things late when I started trying for a first child at age 36 (due to various relationship break ups, not through putting it off for any other reason), and have been told I’ll have to wait another couple of years now and really didn’t want to be a mum at the age of 40, but I will just be glad to get the chance to try.
I really do wish you luck in finding an egg donor and a hospital to help you.
xxxx
Why on earth should the NHS fund such an insane plan? It’s hard pressed to look after the sick, it’s not there to provide babies as if they were a cute accessory.
You want to be the 60 year old parent of a small child in reception class, the 70 year old parent of a stroppy 15 year old? What are your motives? Do you want someone to look after you in your old age, and think your offspring will thank you for the job? Sorry, but I find this absolutely horrifying and am stunned that you really imagine it’s ok to expect our NHS to pay.
And in any case, why would a cancer scare make you think you ‘should’ have a child??
Hi,
I very much doubt you would get funding as at 29 with a 27yr old husband we were told we would need to pay for IVF ourselves as I’d have to be 30+ to have funding. This leaves us hoping after my treatment we will be lucky enough to have kids. Therefore I imagine someone past natural menopause would be unsuccessful getting funding. Maybe you could look into fostering?
Em x
Sorry speechless, which is unusual for me !
So BUMP.
xxx
Hi Mole, I had my child very young but now at 51 despite 2 years of chemo and 5 years of injections to halt my periods whilst on hormonal treatments I’m still pre-meno, had oestrodiol tests to confirm this although my periods are now getting further apart…saying all this as I wondered if you were definitely menopausal now or on the cusp as it were. Just wanted to wish you all the best whatever path you now decide to take.
Have you seen this story? It mentions a clinic in London too.
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/5389426.stm
x
Whatever people may think about my so called insane plan, people have had children at over my age e.g. Cary Grant and Charlie Chaplin. How come it’s all right for men to do it? Anyway I could afford to pay for treatment as I have paid off my mortgage and have a good job. Once I’m retired which I am planning for the next couple of years as I already have a pension fund worth £16,000 a year I could spend more time with my child than most younger parents who have to go to work.
I’m in very good health and if I’m anything like my mother will continue to be so until my eighties. My dad is pretty good aged 90.
Anyway I will do as I see fit as most people do
Mole
Hi,
If it’s what you want to do then go for it, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Personally I see that menopause ( I only assume you are post as you say you would need donor eggs) happens for a reason, to say our body is past the point where it would happily cope with pregnancy. Plus think about the possible effects of the hormones on your body. Men may physically be able to reproduce in their 60’s but it doesn’t mean they can cope with bringing up a child or that it’s right, plus I expect they would have a younger partner.
You say you are accepting of the fact it would not biologically be yours so why not consider adoption/fostering an older child. I imagine it’d be incredibly hard raising a teenager in your 70’s. My grandparents had to take responsibility of my brother and I following the death of our mother when I was 11. My bro was 13 and my grandparents were 71. My grandfather was quite ill already and died soon after. My nan was in fantastic health but it was too much for her to cope with (I wasn’t a nightmare teenager!) and I feel she aged rapidly and her health deteriated. I moved to live with other family at 13 to ease the load on her but it was still too much as you just don’t have the energy in your 70’s. By the time she was in her late 70’s her health had deterioated so much she needed us to take care of her.
I’ve not had any children myself but am very keen to do so. Knowing the chemo screws with fertility and worrying about the effects of extra oestrogen on my body during pregnancy, I’ve already started looking into adoption for when I am a few years post treatment.
If you still query whether the NHS would fund it, I believe if you already have children then they won’t and you need to be between something like 30 and 45 and have had no success naturally for 2 years. I think it’s roughly £5000 for each attempt at egg donation fertility treatment.
I wish you luck in what you do decide to do.
Em x
My partner and I were trying to get pregnant when I was diagnosed (I’m 42) I do consider that late to try and get pregnant and have now been told in no uncertain terms that pregnancy a bad idea as cancer hormone sensitive. I have resigned myself to being childless. I would consider fostering to be an option. There is of course surrogacy, but thats not for me. I really dont know what to say about you wanting to ahve a child by egg donation except good luck!
Julia xx
Just got some stuff from the clinic run by a professor who specialises in fertility treatment for older women. Apparently the waiting list for donor eggs is 3 to 4 years unless you can find someone yourself who is willing to have lots of blood tests to prove they don’t have various diseases and then hormone treatment to create the eggs required. They also have to be below 36 years old. As I understand it the younger the woman the more likely the process is going to work, but I do feel rather loath to ask any women family members or friends who are under 36 to help me. And I think the chances are pretty low. The alternative which other people seem to do is to travel to an eastern European country where people are willing to sell eggs but that strikes me as pretty dubious as well.
The price list for treatments at the fertility clinics in London seem very high. I do have my doubts about looking after a teenager in my seventies but not all of them are trouble so you can’t be sure you won’t be able to cope. I expect I shall accept that I won’t have children now but I don’t see why I shouldn’t explore the possibility. There was a doctor in Kent recently who had a child in her sixties, she had the money to pay for treatment and for nannies no doubt when she gets to seventy. She went to East Europe for the egg and to Italy for the implantation because she was in the know, being a GP
I wish you luck in your endeavours Mole, in whatever course of action you may decide upon. I have read your interesting posts on these forums for years now, and I am sure you will have researched your subject carefully before opening up to the cyber bcc world at large.
I myself did not become pregnant until I was 39 (more luck than judgement). I had my second child at 41 and was diagnosed with bc and secondaries at 45. The nights I have stood and watched them sleep as I feared for my own, and their futures, are countless. But they have made my life worth something, whereas before there was little real meaning for me. I wouldn’t change things for the world.
But being one of the oldest mums at the school gate is exhausting, to say the least…
Jenny x
in years gone by women were old when they were in their 50s and 60s but nowadays most are fit and healthy and have another 30 years ahead of them.
as for fertility some women continue to have periods well into their 50s, i had a patient of 54 still continuing to have regular periods… 20% of women currently go through the menopause after age 54.
as we continue to live longer and live healthier (or with better healthcare) the average age of the menopause is rising… from 46 in the middle of the 1800s to 50 in the 1950s and is now between 51 and 52.
also as a midwife and family planning nurse i have seen a dramatic increase in the number of pregnancies in the over 40s and in the number of women wanting a pregnancy at this age and its the age range increasing most rapidly.
i think that we will continue to see rises in the number of births in older mothers in the years to come.
molennium there is a good website called mothers over 40, which has support and info for mums in their 40s, 50s and 60s.
Lulu x
MsMolly, would you be able to quote some article references that back up your statements? I ask mainly as I have only come across ones that say pregnancy does not make any difference to a recurrence, and I am interested in having children once I am a couple of years down the line. I had only just stated trying when I found my BC.
My oncologist, in his own words, is doing everything he can to preserve my fertility, reduce risk if recurrence and give me a chance of becoming a mum.
id be interested too in the research that supports your claim as all the evidence i have found says the opposite…
flora you may be interested in this (hope its ok to post the link)
cme.medscape.com/viewarticle/707303 and this…
sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090209075643.htm
Just wanted to add that my bcn told me that my pregnancy almost certainly caused my bc, as my son was 20 months old when i was dx with 100% hormone positive cancer.
When i was dx all i could think about was my kids without a mum and for their sakes often wished i hadnt had them, as i couldnt bear to put them through losing their mum.
Hi
The decision about whether to have a child or not after BC is certainly a dilemma that many of us have faced! There is no right answer, but you do have to do what’s best for you…However that’s a dilemma in itself! Medically not having a child has surely got to be the best option (nobody knows for sure if pregnancy causes a reoccurance, but many of us don’t want to take the risk!) this has to balanced against your pyschological needs and nobody with children can make judgement on those experiencing childlessness.
I was in the middle of IVF treatment when I was diagnosed (just a couple of days away from the egg implantation…huge balance already paid!) , IVF was abandoned immediately. My consultant gave me Zoladex in an attempt to shut down and preserve my ovaries! I always believed that it would continue after treatment. When I brought it up with my consultant 2 years later, she was dead against it as my cancer had been 100% oestrogen + and I still wonder whether IVF brought on my BC, the high incidence of people having recently had IVF or a pregnancy on here surely can’t be just a co-incidence. (to add to experiences a friend died because of risking a pregnancy less than a year after BC treatment)
I personally wouldn’t put myself in that position, but would never condemn anyone who does! So good Luck to you Molennium in whatever course of action you take!
Regards Nicky
I very much doubt you would get any financial help, we had to pay and I was 39 at the time! Also I believe if you go for egg donation, you have to pay all of the costs of treatment for the egg donor!
My cancer was found in pregnancy and i have been advised STRONGLY to be sterilised. There is little research about pregnancy and breast cancer mainly because pregnant women rarely want to be experimented on! When i trained as a midwife we looked at IVF and there did seem to be a link to breast cancer. Cant quote anything, just thought id mention it.
X