I was diagnosed in May and had a single mastectomy in June and now on hormone therapy for 5 years. Since then had a diagnosis of osteoporosis and started drugs for that 3 weeks ago. Yoga, massaging the scar and physiotherapy are all helping. I am walking and driving further but still not back to pre-op leaves. In October I did a piece of art work everyday for Breast Cancer Awareness month and also wrote a narrative about my lived experience since my recall letter after a routine mammogram. I was feeling strong and felt I was ready for the moving in course too, thank you Jill1998 for the link, but then I crashed yesterday.
I was out with local friends for a meal. These friends in their different ways had been very supportive over the summer and I wanted to thank them. I was feeling buoyant and explaining I am getting back to travelling further field when one friend interrupted saying if she can drive to London so can I. When I tried to explain about stamina she said take rests. I said it is fatigue due to ongoing recovery and hormone therapy. She became irritated saying I should tell people. The irony was I was trying to when she interrupted me. I had an instant emotional response and welled up with tears and have been wobbly ever since. Another friend was brilliant and took me out for a hug and chat.
I knew recovery would be up and down but I’ve been floored by the dramatic knock to my spirits when for several weeks I’ve been doing ok. As alway my partner was a rock when I got home.
I just want to give you a big virtual hug and say “we know”
I have just responded to another lady whose friend had suggested she “should” be feeling better than she does.
I’m sorry to say that even though friends think they understand the truth is you cannot completely understand unless you have experienced yourself (that is not to say there aren’t lots of lovely kind empathetic people who are wonderfully supportive without experiencing it themselves)
Part of my post recovery life has been to try as much as I can to delete the word “should” from my vocabulary and become more appreciative of me the individual and not all the other roles I have
We all have wobbles, we don’t all have to sail along like nothing has happened, because we are all human and we all need to cry. If you haven’t already you might like to try a face to face support group, I can guarantee you that just having a chance to chat with other ladies who’ve been through treatment is invaluable
I understand friends telling you that you should be doing better than you are. It’s just happened to me. It doesn’t help anything at all. You been slowly and steadily improving and just getting on with life as best you can. But some friends just don’t understand how big a knock you’ve taken, not to mention ongoing effects of drugs, the emotional impact of the whole thing and just how tiring it can be and and what limited stamina means in everyday life.
I’m sure these friends mean well, but what do they think you’re practically going to do about it! You’re already doing all the right things. Hopefully your friend does mean well (and isn’t just annoyed you can’t do the things you could before).
I think if someone else hasnt been through something similar with the resulting tiredness that takes time to get over, then they just won’t get it.
Concentrate on the fact you’re doing all the right things to get better, and some people just don’t understand.
Personally I found reading the “things people say” thread quite helpful.