sorry chickpea everyone seems to begiving me dearest comments,
guys this is not about me this is abouts chickpeas beautiful sister,
in my thoughts chickpea…
love P xxxxxx
My thoughts are with Chickpeas sister and also Paula too and every other woman going through this horrendous ordeal I am so sad to read this thread, it breaks my heart. Wish I had some words of wisdom to say… but i dont just feel angry/sad… god a shit load of emotions really, as a younger woman diagnosed three yrs ago age thirty one when my baby was one, with grade three, lymph involvement i feel it could be me tomorrow in the same situation, so i send my love and thoughts xxxxxxxxxx
max
Chickpea and Paula we are all thinking about you both and your families ,it breaks my heart to hear of such things in young peoples lives …I am not old but a bit more than you …please you both take care xxxxxxxxxx
Dear Chickpea and your sister, I am sending you lots of hugs and best wishes. Also Paula, feel you need a lot of hugs too. You are all so brave. I am just at the start of all this and have yet to find out what will happen to me. Love and best wishes to you all, Jilly
[@JillyH: my sister is older than me (I’m 30, she’s 35,5), and we both have another sister of 37]
Dear Paula, I’m so so very sorry to hear this is happening to you. This is an awful disease for everyone, but the cruelty of it is most obvious in the case of young women (because it’s most aggressive towards those who should still have an entire life in front of them). I’m thinking of you and hope you get the opportunity to live your life at the fullest right now.
My sister gets more medication now for pain relief, and she seems calmer (I think that’s one of the side effects?). She too is prepared to fight and to hold on to her life as long as possible, and that makes her mentally stronger. I do think it can make a huge difference when one really clings on to life.
My mother talked to the head nurse, who informed her that they indeed won’t give my sister any more chemo (because she is too weak), but that my sister isn’t ready to talk about “it” yet, because her will to live is still very strong. Yesterday on the phone she was complaining about the fact that she gets so many visits “as if she won’t be there anymore next week”. Of course everyone wants to show that they care, but I can understand what it feels like for my sister as well.
One - very important - issue that concerns me A LOT, is how my brother-in-law is going to cope… He has never done anything in the household (and then I really mean nothing!), he can’t wash, clean, iron nor cook (he’s an extremely picky eater, let alone that even if he could, that he would cook something healthy…), etc… but rather prefers those chores being done by others (the cleaning lady and up to now my sister, even though she was ill, and also partly my parents, because they wanted to help my sister out). I feel he hasn’t been supportive enough for my sister, that’s one thing, but another thing is that he also has two small children to take care of and to bring up. My parents are 64 and 67, they can’t go and help him forever, he has to make an effort himself (last week my mother went cleaning, washing and cooking, whilst he took a nap… After lunch, when my mother started doing the dishes, he again disappeared for a nap…). He’s my brother-in-law, so I would like it if I could only praise everything he has done to help my sister, but the reality looks somewhat different, and I find that extremely difficult (it’s not pleasant to criticize a relative).
Sadly men who use their wives as unpaid skivvies have to take the consequences - I am sorry to say. If I remember it’s one thing life insurance companies crack on about - the value of a wife. If he isn’t prepared to do housework he will have to look for a housekeeper or failing this do it himself. I am sure if he has to do it he will develop new skills. There’s always the possibility longer term that he will meet someone and remarry, assuming anyone is willing to take him on, he doesn’t sound that much of a catch but there you are.
Mole
Hi Chickpea,
maybe you could make a manual up for your brother in law. In a sort of handy hint type way letting him know about white wash not to be mixed with dark wash. It will be something positive you can do for your sister and it will help you not want to strangle him!
Thinking of you and your family at this cruel time.
Love Debsxxx
Well, he is kind of pig-headed and I’m honestly not quite sure he would appreciate “good advice” in the form of a washing manual. And a cooking manual would be a very very bad idea as well: as a vegan and an advocate of healthy food, I’m his culinary antipode. Me and my husband would be willing to look after the children during the weekends, once in a while (for the childrens’ sake), but I keep my hands off the rest.
Well when everything is a wishy washy colour and shrunk he will only have himself to blame!
Love Debsxxx
I just heard from my mum that my brother-in-law has already informed about how the bread baking machine and the washing machine works. So that’s a hopeful sign!
Today my nephew and niece would have their first meeting with the children’s psychologist at hospital.
A new scan just revealed that the spinal tumor my sister was operated for three weeks ago has returned (or hadn’t been completely removed). It’s unlikely they will operate on her again.
My thoughts are with you all - I have been lighting candles in all the churches I go praying for the chance to grow old and see my babies grow up. I want all of us to grow old.
strength and goodluck to your sister chickpea and to you too paula - fight each day for survival.
love and hope,
karen