One of my two sisters, who’s only 35 and has two small children (7 and 5,5), was diagnosed with primary BC 4 y ago, with 2ndary BC 3y ago (spine, liver and lung mets). The past three years went by with ups and downs; she has had really good periods, but since the beginning of this year, her tumor marker just rose and rose… And then since the first communion of her daughter on the 1st of May (something she had been living towards for the past year) her situation has changed drastically. She started on new chemo for her liver mets in the beginning of May, but since it didn’t produce any effects (only negative side effects), she was put off the treatment early July. They were going to give her a new chemo-treatment after she would return from her holiday in Italy.
Then a new tumor was discovered (5x5cm) on her spine, between her shoulders. From the first day she started radiotherapy (which she had for 5 days) for that tumor, she had to stay in hospital because she could not walk anymore… They gave her cortisone, to reduce the swelling, and it appeared to be better towards the end of that week. She could walk on crutches. So she, her husband, and the two children went on holiday after all (one week later than planned), together with my other sister and her family (she only went because my other sister was also there to support her). We all didn’t think it a marvellous idea, but since her diagnosis isn’t good, we felt that maybe she should get the opportunity to enjoy one last holiday. Well, she didn’t get that opportunity: every day her legs were getting worse over there, and after a couple of days she had to be operated on her tumor in Italy… That was 9 days ago. Apparently, as I heard from my eldest sister, who just got back yesterday, the surgeons had discussed whether they would venture an operation or not, since it was so risky, as my sister was weakened and also has water in her lungs. She was operated on in the end, after all, and last Wednesday she was flewn back to Belgium (for that’s where we are from). That flight was hell for her (but an ambulance for 2 days would have been even worse). So since then she’s been in hospital, I’ve visited her on Thursday and Saturday (we live 2 hours away), and I have the impression she’s getting weaker every day. The past four years, my sister has been tremendously strong, but I think now she realizes that her life is coming closer to an end, she has lost all hope and strength. Since she is so weak, and the wound from the operation has not healed yet, they cannot give her new chemo yet. And meanwhile her liver is just getting worse. She has difficulty breathing when sitting upright to eat (she does not eat much…), for her stomach is so swollen (it looks like she’s pregnant).
She is just lying there, is tired, and has no energy even to listen to the audiobook I brought her. I first thought it would be a matter of months, but I’m afraid it might be closer to a couple of weeks, but really I have no idea. I still hope it might be some months. I don’t know what a realistic diagnosis is in her case.
This is so terrible, for we have been living with the thought of her dying for the last couple of years, but now it’s getting so concrete. I feel so so so sorry for her, and it’s terribly to see her cry and to know that we cannot do anything at all to help her. Just be there,hold her. I feel so guilty that our lives are just going on in the meantime, while she has a husband and two children two say goodbye to, and is all alone with her fears and thoughts…
Her oldest, my 7-year old niece, is very well aware of what is going on. She has become very silent, does not laugh anymore, because she probably realizes that she is about to lose her mother. My brother-in-law is very introvert as well, and I don’t really know how we can support him, as he has never talked to us about my sister’s illness.
Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to write this down. I can talk to friends about what is happening, but no one really can possibly understand what this kind of situation is like.