I'm losing my mind :-(

Hello everyone.I’m a 38 yr old mommy (very worried!)
I feel that this is the only place I can come to where everyone understands.All i’m getting from friends and family are ‘it will be ok’ how do they know ?? they dont feel how i do ??
In January 08 I had a baby,shortly after i stopped breast feeding at 4 months I noticed a lump near my armpit,was only the size of a pea and i didnt take any worry from this as i assumed it was just from feeding.However it got a bit bigger so in september i decided to get it checked,doctor sent me to fasttrack clinic within a fortnite,i had a mammogram,ultrasound and biopsy.Had a two day wait for the results and all they said was its nothing to worry about,its negative,not realy an explaination they just said its a lymph node which is abnormal,it cud be ur body is fighting an infection.Anyway its never gone away,just left me with discomfort after being stabbed in it.Then last month i went to the docs to say its started hurting a lot and its getting bigger,he done blood tests to see if its hormones(overproduction of prolactin)the day after the blood test i found another lump,quite large underneath my breast,my bra is rubbing on it and it hurts now.I showed the doctor straight away and hes sending me back to the clinic this tuesday.Yesterday the pain was so intense all up my arms and reaching up to my neck i rang an ambulance,it was like a cold feeling just spreading.The lady on the fone asked if id ever had a stroke before which i havent but as soon as she said that i went into panic,ambulance done my observations which proved normal.And made me an appointment same day for docs,ive been taking anti inflammatories for a week to see if pain subsides,they have done nothing.The doctor has given me some valium as im in such a state over tuesday.I am getting married in july and im meant to be ordering the bridesmaids dresses tomorrow,i feel like i shud put it on hold.Til after tuesday.How can these fibrous tissues give off so much pain ?? it seems to have calmed today,doc said that the valium will not only de stress me,but destress my muscles which are obviously so tense they make the whole situation seem worse.Bet you all think im some kind of crack pot !! ~i am not honestly,i never go to the docs if i can help it,i havent had a smear test in 9 yrs as im terrified,ive also got that on monday,doc said to take the valium twice a day till nxt week wen all the worry is hopefully minimal.Has anyone else had similar symptoms to me ?? I forgot to say also the last month ive lost my appetite, i have been soooo washed out totaly drained now for a good six months,put it down to running after a 1 and 2 yr old,pre wedding stress,a disobedient teenager,new job - the list is endless! I would like to also add at this point after reading a couple of tales on here how remarkable you women with b/c are,i am amazed at your strength and positivity truely outstanding !!!

I’m 39 and was diagnosed last April when my children were 4 and 2. Not knowing is stressful and the waiting seems very long. I don’t know what yours is, but my lump never hurt at all and it was over 3cm long. My lymph nodes were also involved, but I never felt them either.

It still might not be bad news for you, but if it is you have come to the right place for support and advice.

Good luck

Hi Smallstar
First of all you’re not losing your mind. You are understandably gripped by terror. All the right things are in place now at last to make sure you get investigated quickly.
For now, I’m afraid there is nothing you can do other than to live hour by hour and day by day while you wait. Waiting while being scared is something that we all understand and find really hard.
At the moment though you have no choice but to keep going. One thing I would definitely say is keep breathing. It may sound strange but make sure that you make yourself breathe well. Chances are you that your only having shallow short breaths if you are panicking. Practice focussing on a point and taking nice deep breaths before Monday, make yourself do it - it helps massively for me! If it helps you, it’s a very useful technique just to bring a bit of calm at any time.
Meanwhile I hope you carry on planning for your wedding for a while. If it becomes too much, then postpone. Try not to pressurise yourself. You are going through a difficult time.
Very best wishes and good luck
Anne xx

Just to say also that there of plenty of reasons other than BC why you may have lumps and bumps, infection still being one of them so don’t cancel anything til you get your results. Hopefully, your life will come back to normal very soon- although with two very small kids and a stroppy teenager…! If you can manage the kids, then you are a strong lady and you can manage with everything you are going through now.
Take care and hope you manage to relax if only for 5 mins
Anne x