i was diagnosed yesterday. Everything is a big blur and I am terrified. Like many of you I have small children too. Mine are 17, 6 and 4. I am 46 so had the boys quite late on. I have surgery booked for 5th Nov and am going away for my brothers wedding first. That’s going to be tough 2 weeks with all the family and I have decided not to say anything until I get back. Anyway just wanted to tell someone. K
Hi Kaz,
Sorry you find yourself here, i am recently diagnosed too so know how you feel. Everyone here understands the turmoil, if you need to talk there is always a listening ear.
This site is wonderful for easing nerves and fears.
Keep in touch
Love
Val x
Hi K
Sorry that you have had to join us, hopefully you will find that we are a supportive bunch. I am 41 with 2 children 10 and 7 and i have to say they have kept me going. I think waiting for treatment to begin is one of the hardest things. At least once your treatment is underway you are fighting back. When i was diagnosed mid August i thought i would never get through it and cried a lot. It has got easier now halfway through chemo followed by surgey and RADS, but i still have my moments. I think we all do
Don’t know how you are managing to handle all this by yourself without telling the family. I can understand your reasons with your brothers wedding, but what a burden to bear.
Remeber we are here to provide support or listen to moans. We have all done it.
Thinking of you
Lesley
X
Hi Kaz
Welcome to the site - sorry you’ve had to join us, but this forum has been a lifeline to me and many others, since I was diagnosed on 4th April this year. There’s always someone here if you ever need advice, or even a good old rant - you’re allowed to !
I know that this time is very scary for you, but I can promise it will get better. The first two weeks are the worst, from diagnosis, telling people, getting results from various scans, and generally coming to terms with it all. Once I knew what was what, and got my treatment plan, I started to feel better. I had eight sessions of chemo, followed by a mastectomy and node clearance last week, just got radiotherapy and herceptin to go (and a reconstruction next year). I was 41 when diagnosed, married with two daughters age 14 and 10, and obviously this came as a huge devastating shock for all of us. My husband and I agreed at the begining that we would be totally honest and open with the girls, told them this year was going to be hard for all of us, but that I would get better and we’d all come through the other side as it were !
Six months on, we are feeling so much more positive - somehow I’ve managed to maintain my sense of humour, which has been a huge help.
Kaz, I really feel for you sweetheart, this is such a difficult time, but you will get through it, you’ll find your good days outnumber your bad, and remember we’re always here for you.
Please let us know how you are getting on.
Lots of love and a big hug
Julie xxx
Hi Kaz,
Sorry you’ve had to join us. I was 44 at dx in February, my children are 17, 15 and 12. In the early days it is such an emotional roller coaster (a cliche I know but so true). It’s hard to believe it is happening. I have had surgery & chemo, waiting for rads to start next week. It all seems so daunting at the start, especially the chemo, but here I am having got through it. I’ve had a lot of ups & downs during the past eight months, but on the whole life has been OK - the good days have always outnumbered the bad, even in the middle of chemo.
Please take heart from all of us here. We’re here to support you, and show that you can get through this difficult time. I know several people where I live who were diagnosed in their forties, and they are all still here today, fit and well with no recurrence. That gives me great hope.
Best wishes
xx
Hi Kaz,
Sorry you have had to join us, but welcome to a site where you will get lots of support.
Waiting for the treatment to start is awful as is coping with the diagnosis, i really don’t know how your managing without telling your family but can understand your reasons not to.
We are always here to lend an ear and help when we can.
I was dx in jan 04, WLE, 12mm grade 3 tumour, chemo, radiotherapy and now tamoxifen…it is going to be hard…but you will get through it.
take care
karen x
Hi
For any forum users that are newly diagnosed Breast Cancer Care have recently published a Resources Pack which can be ordered on line, it is filled with information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available: breastcancercare.org.uk//content.php?page_id=7514 You are also welcome to contact our freephone confidential helpline on 0808 800 600, the helpline team can offer you further support and a ‘listening ear’ so that you can talk about the things that are worrying you at the moment. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm. I hope this helps.
Kind Regards
Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Hi Kaz,
I am so sorry you’ve had to join our elusive little club that none of us really wants to be in, but ‘welcome’ to this most awesome site. I’m glad you’ve found us!
I was diagnosed in March, age 34. I had a right mastectomy and total axillary clearance a week after diagnosis. It was scary stuff as I knew v.little about bc prior to diagnosis!! It all seemed very surreal as I had little time to get my head round things before the surgery. It still does seem very surreal at times, like its a really bad dream that I’m gonna wake up from! It is quite understandable that you feel terrified right now, I know I did! Personally though I felt much much better once I’d started treatment, and the first step for me, as for you was surgery. After the op I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I was obviously devastated to have lost one of my lovely boobs but felt this was a small price to pay! I started chemo in May and had my last one yesterday. Next its rads for me, then Tamoxifen and a years worth of Herceptin. Phew!!!
The next few weeks for you are gonna be pretty tough and I really hope you have a good support system around you. I live with my boyfriend, we dont yet have any children. He has been awesome throughout, bless him, and I couldn’t have got through this so far without his love and support. You certainly realise who your friends are too!! I hope you are able to have a lovely time at your brothers wedding and really enjoy yourself.
I wish you well as you start out on this journey. All the best for your forthcoming op. I ordered the ‘exercises after breast surgery’ booklet from this site before I had mine and took it into hosp with me. I found it to be a godsend and the exercises really aided my recovery.
Take care of yourself and you know where we are if you need us,
Kelly
-x-
Thank you all so much. I have told my friends at work today, I have worked with them for over 10years so that was really traumatic for us all. Feel better that I have sorted out who will do my job while I’m off. My partner is a star and will support me 100%. We are so happy together and he proposed to me in the summer. All the kids were delighted. I feel sad and angry all at once, things were going so well. Thanks for being supportive, I really don’t think it would be fair sharing the ‘news!!’ with the family before the wedding as it would just spoil it for everyone, especially my brother and at least I’ll be distracted, besides it is an opportunity for people to treat me the same as ever, as I am sure that people change once they know. Is that right?
I am glad that I have found you all, thank you and I hope that you know that once I am over this initial shock and stop planning my bl***dy funeral in my head that I hope to support you back.
I’m so sorry to hear this Kaz but glad you found this site.
I was diagnosed on a Monday and had a break in Berlin booked for that weekend. I went ahead with the trip and was surprised that, for the most part, I managed to enjoy myself.
I had my dark moments, of course. I remember thinking I wasn’t going to be around to see my daughter grow up so I went and bought her a ridiculously expensive Steiff teddy bear so she would have something to remember me by.
Well here we are a year down the road; Teddy all straggly from numerous washings, me looking better than ever with a head full of shiny, thick hair. My aim now is to outlive Teddy so my daughter has ME to remember me by. It’s a tough road but you’ll get there. It’s important to keep life as normal as possible.
I hope the wedding goes well (congratluations on the engagement btw) and I’m sure it will. It’s ok to feel sad but it sounds like it will be a great opportunity to get away from the intensity of your feelings for a day.
Love
Lola x
Hi Kazz
I haven’t been planning my funeral because I’m generally quite easy going and fatalistic - but I have been worrying about my annual summer holidays and how I’m going to cope with topless sunbathing now I’ve got mismatched breasts - how shallow can you get?!*? As the scar is around the nipple you’d think I would be satisfied wouldn’t you? But the change in shape is something I’ve got to get used to - I think I’m going to have to study camera angles!!!
Yes people’s attitudes do change but we can change them back! - I’ve recently had lots of phone calls from old friends who have just heard about my recent two ops and who definitely didn’t expect me to be in the mood for anything two days afterwards:-
the phone rings - I answer - stunned silence from other end - oh…Maddy…how are you?..We’ve just heard…
Nobody ever seems to know what to say so, if you don’t want to run the risk of upsetting people, get your partner or family to answer the phone for you - that way you don’t have to speak to anyone and no-one ever knows how you really are - or do what I’ve done - keep the phone at your side and chat to them - they soon get over their embarassment and you can give them the true picture of what’s going on - if you feel tired and don’t feel like talking TELL THEM - they will understand and ring back another time.
And if you don’t feel you can talk to your friends you can always come on here and rant - we’ve been there and mainly got the t-shirts, wristbands and brooches to prove it.
Hope you get promising results from your consultant
Best wishes
Maddy xxx
Hi Kazz
I echo all the comments from the girls here. I know it feels that every waking moment is clouded by the this bl***y curse and it’s not just a physical but a mental thing. You will be surprised how things will progress and days turn into weeks and weeks into months and then you’ll be looking back on this worse time. We have all felt the same and we were where you are now but are now where you will be in a few weeks, probably giving your support to others. Keep positive Kazz XX
Maddy- Blimey topless ,camera angles you little beach babe. Tell you what you will see more scars on those beaches through boob lifts than anything, so wear yours with pride!!
Norma xx
Thank you thank you, today I am smiling and joking (mostly!!) I have a wicked and some would say warped sense of humour and this is what is going help me through and you my already friends. Did think about going topless while I still can, but not sure my Dad would approve. i don’t know 46 years old and worried about what Dad’ll say, still I have some lovely Bikinis, just hope the bruise has gone by Sunday. I can’t really say that I walked into a door!!
All the hard work is for when I get back, telling family, telling my beautiful 17year old daughter (really scared about that)pre op appointment then surgery.
Maddy, maybe we should adopt the slogan…‘wear your boobs with pride’
Kaz xxxx
Kaz
I hope everything goes well with your daughter and family. Our daughters (29 and 27) have obviously been affected by the news but at least now they have a ‘family history’ - my mother never went to the doctor for anything so when she finally died of ‘liver cancer’ there was no background knowledge to the condition in her notes.
I’m sure we all worry about what our parents would say - my mother was so strong willed that I had to wait for nearly a year after she died before I could get my ears pierced!!! I was 49 !
I’m quietly relieved that my dad isn’t around to learn of my medical problems - but he did know about my topless antics and didn’t bat an eye.
I’ve never been one for flirting with the camera, topless or otherwise, as I hate having my photograph taken, but I took photos of myself topless before my first op and have put them in a special file on the computer for my husband - he doesn’t know about it yet - I think it was my way of dealing with the thought that I might not be around in the future - despite the fact that I hadn’t been planning funerals!!!
I’m definitely going to make the most of my assets in the future - life is too short to worry about body image
Best wishes
Maddy xxxx
Hi All and sorry that all of you that are new have come to this site. Although saying this it has really helped me. I was diagnosed on 10th Oct and go for my surgery on 5th Nov. i am still in shock and still extremely scared. i did manage to enjoy the holiday and my brothers wedding. I also managed now to tell the family (all of them) until last Friday. I have to say that telling them and my friends this week has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have a great tan so look really well! I too haven’t slept well for weeks although last night did sleep a little better. I think that the advice received here is so useful and I really feel that sharing these experiences has helped. My 17year old daughter came to my pre-op appointment and counselling session and has been really strong. My boys who are 6 and 4, well, I don’t really know how to pitch the information. so far just siad that I need an operation, which I don’t feel is good enough but need to find some more strength. Anyway must get back to work now. Hope to talk soon. love Kaz xxxx
Hi Kaz,
Sorry you have joined but Welcome to the most supportive club I have ever experienced.I had my diagnosis 2 weeks ago and was to say the least stunned. I had surgery yesterday (a wide local exicion and some of the lymph nodes sampled. Get the results of that in 2 weeks.I have to say that I feel relieved now that I have had the surgery and have begun my journey to recovery. Telling my children, although a little older than yours (I am 45) was hard so I can imagine how you feel. I think the funniest thing is the differing reactions I get from people. One lady came up to me that I kjknow and put her hand on my shoulder and tilted her head to one side and said "I dont want to make you cry my dear but … and before she could say another word I said “dont tell me I have tucked my skirt into my knickers again havent I !!!” I just couldnt face another sombre comment. I wanted to lighten the mood for a change and it worked as she then realised that peoiple with cancer still have a sense of humour hahaha. Bless her she did laugh.
Anyway I wish you loads of happiness
Sharon x
Sharon -
keep up the good work - there will be times for crying but it’s great if you can still have a laugh.
Love Maddy xxxx