I'm scared for my mum

Hi everyone.
I just joined the site because I found out yesterday that my mum has grade 2 breast cancer and we haven’t found out yet whether it’s spread to the lymph nodes. She told me a few weeks back that she was getting a lump checked out but I didn’t worry too much because it’s my mum, she’s never ill. I don’t know how to cope or who I can talk to. I’m 19 years old and my nan died 8 months ago, now I’m terrified I’m gonna lose my mum as well. The problem is my family is down in Cornwall and although I’m staying with my sister at the minute, the day my mum’s op is due is the day I’m moving up to Portsmouth for my second year in uni. I can’t talk to my boyfriend because he’s busy with work and I have no friends near my sister’s that I can talk to. My sister’s here but we’re having to keep it hidden from my nieces and I’m too terrified to voice what I feel. I know there’s nothing I can do to make mum better but I wish I could help her or talk to someone or something. I’ve never felt as scared as this in my life. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this?

Kiwii xx

Hi Kiwiibean,

Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, this is the right place for some good support as the many informed users have a wealth of information between them.

While you are waiting for replies could I suggest that you give the helpline here a call and have a chat with one of the staff, they’re here to support you through this. Lines are open this morning at 9am until 2pm and then again on Monday - Friday 9-5. Calls are free, 0808 800 6000.

You’re not alone in this. Take care,
Jo, Facilitator

Hi Kiwii, sorry to hear about your Mum. I too have grade 2 breast cancer and am currently having treatment after two operations (just got one more course of chemo to go then radiotherapy). My Son is 21 and my daughter 18, and as a Mum I was far more worried about how they would handle the news than how I would deal with the treatment. I’ve been very open and honest with them from the start and now they’re quite used to Mum being bald, having days when I don’t get out of bed, and having to take care of themselves a bit more. They call me slaphead.It’s all very relaxed and that’s how it’ll be with your Mum once the shock has passed. My advice would be to talk to your Mum about your worries, she’s still your Mum and that doesn’t switch off because she’s ill. I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for my Son & Daughter and for this illness not to affect their lives too much. I told them both to keep going out and having fun which is what they should be doing, and it gives me pleasure to see them coming and going like they always did. Hang in there,it is very scary to start with but you do soon come to terms with it. Your Mum is in good hands and like me will see this as something to get through so she can get on with her life. Good luck.

Hi Kiwibean,

You are completely not alone and I know exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through. I am 25 and my mum has stage 4 cancer. I am an only child and like you find it sooo difficult to know who to talk to. I try to be strong for mum and in front of her, and like you, don’t want to lose my mum.

The first time mum got it she didn’t tell me because of the age that I was and she didn’t want to worry me. As I have got older she tells me more which is great but also flipping scary. Sometimes I just don’t want to know what’s going on because I don’t want to worry about what may happen. But do you know what…you need to think positively…I know it is really difficult but you need to think positively. My boyfriends sister gave me an amazing gift and I think this would benefit you as it has me…she gave me a big journal/notebook and pen which she told me could be to put pictures in to remind me of all the happy times, it could be a diary or whatever you want it to be. Writing things down is the best thing to do and it helps you a lot. I ended up writing 3 pages the other night when I didn’t even realise what i was writing…it just came out but it made me feel soo much better. I’ve put down words which are my emotions and how i feel. It is a good way to help youself and also if your boyfriend wants to help (like mine does but doesn’t know how to) they can read if you want them to and then understand more.
Let me know if you want to chat more. Hope this helps (sorry it’s soo long!) xx

Thank you so much all of you. It’s scary because I’m going away in a week and Mum’s still gonna be in hospital. I’ve postponed it to make sure she’s okay after the op but I still hate that I’m gonna be leaving her. I think my boyfriend kind of understands what I’m going through at the minute because his nephew is really poorly as well and he’s scared for him. It’s a really good idea to write in a diary though because my nan gave me one before she passed away. She was the only one in my family that knew I was depressed so she kept the diary a secret from everyone else. I’ve only written in it a few times but maybe it’ll help me for now. I can’t call the helpline as I won’t have a landline but thank you so much x

Happy to help. In my diary I think i’ve only written in it a couple of times but you do it when you feel you need to off load. I know what you mean though and completely understand. It’s perfect when you have just had enough and feel like no one is listening to just write in it. When people say ‘i’m here if you need me’ or when they keep asking how you are and you have had enough of them asking. I had that a lot when mum was having her chemo and although it was nice of them to ask, it actually did my head in because I was completely fed up of it and it made it apparent and there all the time. Sometimes you just want to forget that it’s happening to you. Don’t lose hope though and as I said before, one thing that mum always says is ‘think positively’. It has helped mum a lot. Your mum needs to do the same. As weird as this may sound as well, mum has gone into the spiritual side of things as well and angels are very good to have hope on. They help.
But anyway if you need anything then we are here and if you want to chat then just let me know. Be strong. It’s tough but us girls are fighters and are mums are too. x

Hi, it’s nice to hear from you. I felt alone when my mum was diagnosed but it’s places like these (and Macmillan too) that really help. I hope you get some comfort here and also know that the things they can do these days…it’s incredible :slight_smile:
Jen x