Finished treatment in April. On letrozole & zoladex for next 10 years (at least) & zolatronic acid every 6 months for 3 years.
Im struggling emotionally & mentally.
Went for my zolatronic acid today, back on chemo ward. Filled with beta blockers as i was so nervous (needle phobia & hadnt been back since ending treatment). Was taken 50 minutes late, fuether mix up with treatment & i had an almighty and embarrassing panic attack in front if the whole ward. It was awful. Cant stop crying when i think about it.
I feel lonely. Im so grateful that im cured & i had the support of family & friends but now its over im left at home, on my own. I know it sounds selfish but i miss the company of others. Friends went out of their way to text or pop in when i was unwell but now they’re back to their own busy lives & miss the adult conversation.
I have an almighty & overwhelming feeling of anxiety. Worried about world events, catastrophising everything & feeling down.
Ive worked through treatment but, now that I’m better, i feel absolutely rushed off my feet at work & doing really long hours again.
Im rapidly gaining weight through xomfort eating. I joined an online coach but am unable to hit any of the calorie or step targets. Asked the coach how to change my mindset & be more positve, was told to remember why i started. It has made me more stressed thinking or reoccurrence if i dont sort it.
I have a constant headache that i know is due to stress. Im on blood pressure tablets too which arent working & get upped each time im at gp.
I promised myself at diagnosis that after id rung the bell id be eating healthier, be more active and get out and enjoy life but the opposite has happened.
I rejoined the gym but am too tired to go.
Im stressed & exhausted. All i do is eat, sleep & work. Where do i begin to turn all this around?
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I don’t have an easy answer but just wanted to reach out and give you a virtual hug . It’s hard to put yourself back together when you’ve been through and are still going through so much and unfortunately perceptions of recovery both our own and other people’s tend to be unrealistic - your friends and your work may think you’re ok now but you shouldn’t feel bad if you aren’t and of course you will miss the extra contact that you had with people . Your life has been turned upside down - it will take you some time to put everything back together also sometimes cancer gives you a new perspective and makes you question things about your life that you would have previously accepted.
I’m just wondering if you’ve had any counselling at all as it sounds as though it might help . Are you on the beta blockers all the time ? From my own experience and that of my ex who was out on them for an irregular heart rate I know that they can make you feel tired and that’s on top of the Letrozole the Zoladex and Zoladronic acid . Also have you done the Moving Forwards course which many of us including myself have found helpful .
I don’t know what your job is but cancer and cancer treatment which you are still having comes under the Disabilities Act which means that you are entitled to reasonable adjustments at work which might be helpful ?
I would kick the online coach into touch for the moment - just my opinion but I doubt your in the right place to benefit from that . You could ask your GP for a referral to the NHS weight loss course which is free and maybe you get might prescribe something for anxiety that you could take before your appointments to help with the panic attacks ?
Hang in there @Luskentyre1 things will get better.
With love xx
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Thanks so much for your reply.
Havent done any counselling but maybe think i should now consider it.
Contacted Maggies tofay about their handling stress & healthy eating workshops but theyre a 6 week block, during the week in the morning. I work in a school so really cant get away for anything like that.
Also contacted Macmillan via email as id seen a fitness class they run near my work but the email bounced back. Im maybe going to have to phone them.
I just thought that my life would have gotten back to ‘normal’ after ringing that bell but it really hasnt.
Thanks for your kind words. I needed to vent!
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Yeah it’s always good to vent and sometimes just that can help you to make some decisions which it sounds as though you have done already. If I was able to help you in any way then I’m glad . I had less treatment than you and also struggled afterwards for a while - it seems that many of us do.
Wishing you all the best xx
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I think a lot of us have felt the same as you have . We look better, regular treatment finishes and people see you looking better and returning to normal work and life .
I highly recommend reading ‘After the treatment finishes - Peter Harvey’ - which I still occasionally read now 5 years on ! It sums up the roller coaster of emotions.
Also there is the Someone Like Me service with Breast Cancer Now who support ladies through treatment including emotional issues. Also the Moving Forward course.
I was surprised to learn that a lot of hospital oncology departments actually have a psychology department and I followed one of their courses online . I was quite sceptical of mindfulness at first . Being out in nature and a short walk increasing weekly is such a great easy effortless way to keep fit , motivate and improve energy levels.
As for BP - mine became uncontrolled recently so I am now on 3 different types of tablet - not ideal but it ended up more effective than just increasing the one tablet. Sometimes when I feel weary, Idrink about a pint of water and find that livens me up !!!
Lastly try your best to not let yourself put on weight . I know it is so hard but I always tell myself when everything feels tight that I will really feel down if I continue to put on weight and then it becomes an insurmountable problem plus won’t help BP, etc etc
I hope this does not sound patronising - I am just saying what helped/ helps me . It is only people who have been through it who really know how it feels - so again some hospitals have local coffee morning groups etc
Hoping you start to feel a bit better over the next few weeks/ months and find time for yourself and things you enjoy 
.
Best wishes
Beth xx
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Not patronising at all. Appreciate your honesty, thank you.
Will definitely look for the book youve recommended & get in touch with the hospital about any courses if the ones ive contacted cant accommodate.
Hope you get your BP under control soon.
Thanks again for your words of advice
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Evening. I moved away from family and had to start afresh although l have my son nearby. I think you have to find you again. Who you were before and what you enjoyed. I have volunteered locally with gardening projects, and signed up to a free charity that supports women, so l now sing, walk with a group, and enjoy a poetry group on zoom.
Your friends and family have carried on their lives and you need to look after you and find what you like and enjoy, and not feel judged.
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Thanks for your reply ! It’s just an article written on line - if you type in title and author it comes up - it really sums up a lot of how you feel currently and reminds you to be kind to yourself and not to underestimate what you have been through ! Xxx
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Hi @Luskentyre1
Well done for reaching out. I think that is the best thing about this forum, being anonymous you can share things you may not say to someone close or that knows you.
I think we all know how you feel. I read that you worked all the way through your treatment in a school. I was diagnosed in May 2023 and my headteacher said I need time to get my head around my diagnosis so didn’t want me in. Once I was off I didn’t go back. I did need the time as well as all the appointments and scans. I ended up being bi lateral invasive cancer. I had surgery, then chemo and Herceptin which continued after chemo finished, radiotherapy, then on Letrozole and Zoledronic acid/Zometa every 6 months. I finished the Herceptin mid September, even being on that I was flu like for 4/5 days every 3 weeks, I’ve been fatigued and have ongoing pain after chemo and radiotherapy. I had the option to take redundancy which I’d did. I was signed of until then, August 2024. I’m now having a year to do what I want to do. I ‘lost’ 17 months to BC active treatment and still have years of tablets and infusions to go.
I know I’ve rattled on a bit but what I am wondering is ‘Have you had time to process your diagnosis?’ I know not everyone is in the same situation as me and can afford to be signed off. I was on full pay for. 6 months and half pay for a further 6 months. I applied for ESA once my statutory sick pay finished and PIP during chemo.
I know others have mentioned counselling, you may be able to access via your school or local authority, I did. MacMillan also offer counselling free with Bupa. BCN Moving Forward course was helpful, I went in July 2024.
- Moving Forward: Finishing treatment can be hard, and it can be difficult to move forward with your life. You can access our support online or face-to-face. Our online information hub and Moving Forward journal provide extra ideas and information. Courses run over 2 weeks, with 2 3.5hr sessions. Or trained facilitators and volunteers are there to help. Find a course near you.
You could talk to your Head about reduced hours or adaptions as you are disabled under the Equality Act 2010. You may also want to talk to your GP about signing you off work for a bit to try to come to terms with it all.
I totally get the going back for the Zoledronic acid in the chemo ward. I was in a different ward in my cancer centre so I thought I’d be fine and went alone. Unbeknown to me I walked into the ward to be offered a blue chemo chair, I sat down and burst into tears. The nurse asked what was wrong and I couldn’t speak. It all came flooding back, this was 4 months after chemo as I had some dental work done. So you’re not alone. It happens to us all.
I hope you can speak to someone whether it be a counsellor, GP or your headteacher and can work out something to help you get through this.
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Hi @Luskentyre1, I am sorry you are going through a difficult time. You seem like you have a lot going on.
I hope the forum will provide a space where you can share what you’re going through, and make contacts with people going through a similar experience. In addition to this peer-to-peer support, are you familiar with our freephone helpline, on 0808 800 6000 (Mon-Fri 9am-4pm; Sat 9am-1pm)? On this number you can reach our team of breast care nurses and talk through anything that’s on your mind, at your own pace.
You can even send our team a message without leaving the forum, on this board.
We also have information on our website about coping with anxiety, and stress after a diagnosis.
Please remember you are not alone - we’re here to help.
Sending our warmest thoughts
Bernard
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