I wonder if this has been discussed before in a previous thread, but this is a whole new topic all on its own.
I am finding that my diagnosis is really beginning to impact my relationship with my lovely man. He is so, so patient with me, and I try really hard not to moan too much about how fed up I am, about being in pain, feeling like **bleep**, feeling sick, being constipated, feeling tired, it goes on and on. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be on the receiving end of this if you live with it 24/7. He does so much for me, never complains and is a complete rock, but I think it is bound to affect you after a while. I have gone off physical intimacy, not because I have stopped loving him, but because I just don’t have the energy, am often in pain and not in the right head space-this must make him feel sad and rejected. That makes me sad too.
Tension definitely builds up, things are left unsaid, he doesnt feel he has anyone he can really talk to about how he feels, so he ‘bottles it’ as he says. Yesterday, it culminated in a small tiff coming away from the car showroom (we had been looking at a new car for my Motability Award), to a full blown massive screaming match in the car.
He was threatening to jump out at one point as the car was moving, and we both said things to each other that we both immediately regretted. In the end, I threatened to drive the car off the road I was so angry, that I stopped the car in the middle of the road and told him to get out and walk. Horrible, horrible, horrible. He is as angry as I am about what is happening to me, he says he wants the ‘old me’ back (so do I). We just feel trapped in what feels like a bad never ending dream, albeit one we are trying to deal with as best we can…
We made up as soon as I got home and we both cried and apologised, but it left me feeling really sad and down. How are you all coping with the relationship side of things?
Hi Mowser from talking to other ladies and my own experience this awful situation we’re in affects even the strongest and long term relationships. Some other halfs step up and are our our rocks others unfortunately cannot cope. It sounds like yours is a good one but maybe things have just reached a piont where some emotions blew. I personally have had some awfull periods with my oh and I know I’m not the only one. He’s been a lot more supportive recently and hopefully his will continue, I said to him yesterday it feels sometimes like I have forgotten to smile…it can’t be easy for them but by the same token sometimes they can’t seem to put themselves in our shoes to understand the emotions we have to deal with. No easy answer I guess we just carry on the best we can xxxx
Just want to echo evrything thats been said on this thread.Mowser, i so relate to everything you said. We have also got to ‘breaking point’…a few days ago my husband said we should split up. The next day he asked if i was alright and i exploded…‘i have incurable cancer so no i’m not alright’. he looked shocked and said ‘have you had a letter’. Seems that when i was finally diagnosed in July with SBC he didnt listen to the bit about being incurable (or chose not to). Like one lady said (sorry cant see your name as i type and my chemo brain remembers nothing) the tears i cry are for him and my daughter…it breaks my heart everytime i think of her having to deal with this, which is constantly.
To everyone on this thread, ((((Massive Hugs))))). My OH is incredible as he is the most positive person on the planet and makes me feel that I’ll go on forever. I just go along with it because he makes me feel good about myself, which is great. Stephen Hawkins said " where there is life, there is hope" which is my mantra now. I don’t allow myself to think about the future, only the next 2 months til my next appointment. Yes, we are burying our heads in the sand but it works for us!! Xxxx
Morning ladies i’m also sending hugs to all of you out there who are strugglingat the moment. Stillhere you and your other half work the same way as me and mine and it works for us to. I don’t know if any of you get any support from your local hospice but my local one has been very good. I was referred by the chemo unit but initially thought whoa that all sounds a bit final but I had a lovely specialist nurse visit me at home and he answered any questions I asked. I constantly get invites to go to the hospice for support groups for me and my other half also for pamper days, craft days, all sorts. At the moment we don’t feel the need to go to a support group but by the sounds of it some of the OHs might find it a help to talk to someone outside the family. It is so difficult for the men in our lives especially if like mine they don’t like talking about such things. Thinking of you all xxx
Morning ladies, i am very lucky my oh is wonderful and has got me through some the darkest days of my life, not just the cancer related ones.
I call him my hero he is soo positive and supportive, but i do feel sad for him having to put up with this crap, this forum has been a lifeline for me because instead of venting my anger, worries and concerns on him i now do it on here to you lovely ladies who understand how i feel and it takes the pressure off him.
The tears i shed are for him and my Son and Daughter and the pain they will have when they see me “really poorly” and when i lose this battle.
take care ladies hugs J x x x
Helen you and your husband are very like me and mine. He was my first proper boyfriend and I was his second girlfriend. We have been together for 40 years (I was still in nappies when we met) and married 37 years this year so leaving him on his own is the worse thing with all this c**p going on.I am not scared of dying I’ve got my head round that it’s those that I leave behind that bother me.I do tell them I shall be back to haunt them if they don’t behave though! I’ll just be another of the spooks that inhabit the cottage we live in! No more negative thoughts now positive all the way. Vickyxx
Helen just read on another thread how poorly you have been glad to hear you are feeling better.
My 14 year old son has muscular dystrophy. He knows I have cancer, but not the prognosis. He is very dependent as you can imagine and takes a lot of looking after. I just can’t imagine my dh coping, no I know he will but it will be very difficult on his own. Oh there is no point dwelling on it, I hope I have a few more years to help them plan for the future.
he is soo positive and supportive, but i do feel sad for him having to put up with this crap, this forum has been a lifeline for me because instead of venting my anger, worries and concerns on him i now do it on here to you lovely ladies who understand how i feel and it takes the pressure off him.