My wife has had 11 months of Breast Care , diagnosed late Sept 12, invasive lobular cancer, oestrogen receptor positive, 8 months letrozole successful treatment, WLE in early July with no need for secondary surgery, 12 of 15 post surgery radiotherapy sessions competed, last three to go this week. I and my daughters have supported my wife through the whole period yet just at the point in time when we all thought that we had come to a pretty successful situation, the whole emotional situation seems to have taken a massive turn for the worse. We haven’t always agreed with the way in my wife had handled the cancer but we’ve gone along with everything she’s wanted 100%, without argument, seriously. When we look at the trauma that many ladies have gone through, we realise that our situation could have been so much worse. Tis is possibly why my wife’s emotional state now has taken us all by surprise. Given that her treatment has been 100% successful and her side effects quite limited, and that’s not belittling the side effects of letrozole which I know are not easy, especially as she suffers from lupus too, we are struggling to understand this backward step. She actually seems to be at an emotional position lower that at any other time in the whole 11 months. Has anyone of you ladies experienced this phenomenon? Does anyone know if its usual for what appears to be depression to follow such a successful outcome to cancer treatment? My daughters and I would really appreciate any comments.
Hello Alipalli,
You have all been through a really tough time supporting your wife as she is treated for breast cancer and now the end of the ‘active treatment’ is near it seems she is struggling. Actually this is what quite a lot of women experience - the whole whirlwind of diagnosis and terror, then the seemingly endless round of tests and appointments take over and we find ourselves carried along. Suddenly it all stops and we are left to get on with life - which can be very frightening for many people. For quite a while every little ache or pain or niggle will ring alarm bells , and finally there is time to process all that has happened. Physical and emotional exhaustion can be enormous and some people do in fact suffer from depression. Is there maybe a Maggies Centre, Haven centre of MacMillan Drop In in your area? All of these offer different kinds of support, which many people find helpful. Otherwise maybe your GP could help? Could she speak to her Breast Care Nurse (BCN)
All I can say form my own experience (and I had the full Monty of treatment) is that as time passes and you stay well, the anxiety does reduce considerably, but there will still be moments of ‘wobble’. Knowing that you are all there for her, is the best you can do for her just now, and I hope things get easier for all of you soon.
You could ring the helpline at BCC - they are very knowledgeable and are there for families as well as people with breast cancer.
Hi Alipali.
It could be that your wife is simply exhausted. Rads fatigue can make you feel like you’ll never have any energy ever again. I got quite tearful during the last week of Rads because of this overwhelming exhaustion. The tiredness (and any skin issues) can continue to get worse for up to two weeks AFTER the last radio therapy session, when things start to improve gradually, although as RevCat said, after active treatment stops most of us feel a bit vulnerable and mentally fragile. We’ve been used to doctors and/or nurses regularly seeing us and checking we’re OK. It’s scary to lose that regular contact!
Another possibility: some ladies have commented on here that their hormone therapy made them change personality quite drastically and they had to be told by their families that something was amiss. So perhaps if things don’t settle down in a few weeks perhaps you could persuade her to talk to her doctor, consultant or BCN as they may be able to help or even change her medication.
Hang in there. You’ve all had a tough year. It WILL get better!
It is, please be patient with her a little longer. What you consider a positive outcome is in fact also called surviving cancer. When you are finished, and treatments are over, you suddenly realise that this is the truth. Some people are depressed, please read on this or the mcmillan website about the “after”, it will help you understand. Well done for standing by her, you are a good husband, and perhaps you might want to tell her about these feelings? My partner told me that he doesn’t want to think that I had cancer, apologizing for this, because he feels deeply upset by my fear of recurrence. I was grateful for his openness.