Hi all, after several weeks of coping since diagnosis 25th April I have gone to pieces. I knew I was going down hill for a couple of weeks but after a cancelled appointment for results of Mir on Thursday, today I got an appointment for sentinal nodes nodes injection the day before op when I hadn’t even been given a date for my op. I rang bc nurse you was great confirmed op date and apologised for how I had found out. Well that was it the tears began to flow, I sat in my classroom sobbing. My deputy head came to see me and sent me home. So hard I am a strong person but reality has hit and I am scared.
Oh sweetie, you poor thing. Waiting is bad enough without having things changed or not having the right information. This is a deeply scary time and I’m not surprised that you feel overwhelmed. Just know, you are not alone, we may only know each other through this site, but we are here for each other. I send you a big hug, XXXXX
Thank you Suffolk lady. Have very sore eyes currently! xx
Bless you, I had very sore eyes two days ago, I to am absolutely terrified and am generally a strong person. I want to shut myself away and for it all to go away but unfortunately it is not going to and we have to face it head on. Everyone keeps telling me that it gets easier as you learn exactly what you are dealing with. My mind is racing and I am imagining all sorts of things but I think the advice is right. You have to take one day at a time and deal with today as tomorrow is to much to cope with.
It is going to be a rollercoaster of emotion, up one day and way way down the next.
These forums have already helped me and I only found them today.
I hope you feel slightly better today and keep posting as we can all support one another as best we can.
Debbie x
Hi Samjs. You don’t say when your op is but I want to reassure you that all the emotions you are experiencing are normal. It’s ok to feel scared. It’s fear of the unknown and hits even the strongest. Big hugs to you and good luck with the op xx
Hi everyone above…I am 1 year post chemo and 20 months post dx…Right Mx…6*FecT and am now on Tamoxifen…I just want to say that everything you are describing is perfectly normal in the situation that we find ourselves in in the beginning…my best advice to you is to take one day at a time…baby steps…as you progress through the journey you are embarking on it becomes…not easier exactly…but…becoming clearer as to where you have to go to be NED…no evidence of disease…that is where I am at the moment…and hope to stay there…at the start of my journey I found it hard to give way…the loss of control of my own life…was too much…I remember having sore eyes as well…I cried a river…the size of the Nile…ask questions of everything you do not understand…the op was not as bad as I thought it would be and now my hair has grown back I don’t look any different…I had no pain and was basically well looked after all through…take all help offered…even if it only someone talking to you…acceptance is the best thing…this gremlin had entered my life and there was no way it was staying and inconveniencing me…the treatment is to fight it back and keep it away in the future…I didn’t mind any of my treatment as I kept telling myself it was not forever only for a short while…keep posting…this site is brilliant for support and info…best of luck to you all and massive cyber hugs for comfort…apple
Thanks for the comments ladies,
I was feeling okay today, was seeing BCC today for results of MRI scan. Grade 2 11 by 21 mm but still having a lumpectomy on 5th June.
Totally fed up and have cried as I have to cancel my holidays! OH who is so supportive told me to stop being silly they are only holidays and it could be worse but right now I don’t care.
Got myself in a state again. Oh well part of the ride i guess.
xx
Samjs
I am sorry this is so hard for you , I was where you are now. But I have accepted it and I have the rest of my life to go on holiday! So do you! I had half term holiday in .februaru in hospital! I called it My NHS holiday! I should have been going away, but now I realise that I want rid of this disease more.
i am only positive the last week, and that is thanks to this site, my Macmillan nurse, my .gp, my parents and my friends.
also I have started seeing a clinicpsychologist in in cancer care. She has also helped.
you are not being silly! You have had your legs swept from underneath you, but it is only a chapter in the book of you life
xx
Hey Samjs, please try to be positive - I was diagnosed on 15th April 2013, had lumpectomy (to remove a Grade 2, 2cm ER+ve) on 7th and today it was confirmed I had clear margins so looking good. As shocking as it was the only time I shed a tear was telling my son ( who is 21) that I had to go in for surgery. I have other’s comments on these forums so uplifting and vowed not to worry about the what ifs but just live life positively and thank the lucky stars I found the lump and BC team treated so quickly. Its no good worrying about what you can’t change or what you don’t know yet. Good Luck for the op x
hi samjs
im having chemo, half way through the treatment, had the op got another to come at the end. i have bad days too, just let it out and then carry on, you can do it, we can all do it, but no one said it would be easy.
big hugs, it gets better,
angie xx
Thank you ladies,
I know there are a lot of you going through worse than me and it does seem so pathetic crying as I can’t go on holiday but still the tears are falling.
xxx
Hi honey
sometimes it’s the ‘little’ things that seem to set us off - and enable us to cry about everything. Not going on holiday is probably your tipping point. I’m very down too at the moment, suddenly everything seems so hard, so much effort. Just keep talking and coming on here. At least everyone here knows exactly what you’re going through. Sending you a big hug and a virtual box of really soft tissues. Take care. Cress xxx
Thanks Cress,
Told my class today I wouldn’t be there after half term and got a chorus of oh no, why. I just told them I was having an op and one little girl burst out crying and later on she said she was worried about me. How I didn’t cry then I really don’t know.
I do like coming on here as everyone does know how you feel. Hope you have a good weekend and are in better spirits, I am hoping I will be.
Xxx
Well ladies,
I just thought I would let you know that my mood has improved after 3 days of almost almost constant crying. I went to a bbq yesterday with with the other half and when I arrived I really didn’t want to be there and still felt very tearful. But the company was fabulous and I spent the whole evening laughing(it felt so good). Woke today and feel more like me(OH is thrilled). Long may this good mood last. Any way must get going as I am visiting my sister in law and her family and having lunch with them.
Hope you are all having a good mood weekend.
Sam xxx
So glad to hear you’re feeling like ‘you’ again. I went back to work and got so many hugs from the children and staff - my post-op boob is really sore!!!
Got my onc appointment but am going to have to rearrange as I’ll be away. Path results Tuesday - things moving along now. Take care - Cress x
Hi lovely!
Sorry you have found yourself on this site. i only found it 3 weeks ago as couldnt except what was happening to me and put everything I was given in a draw! wish I had found it earlier as you will be comforted by ladies who truly understand what your going through! SO pleased you are feeling little better!
I was dx oct 12 and completed my treatment Friday, had grade 3 aggressive cancer picked up by my first mammogram , which I nearly didn’t go to, as throw letter in the bin! Thank god I had this little voice nagging at me to go! I had WLE didn’t clear margins so needed 2nd op but that was ok. Just wanted the “thing” out of me"
Had chemo but only completed half of them, rads and on the lovely tamoxifen! like you I cried so much that we didn’t need to worry about a water ban! It’s been the hardest.journey i have been on but it did get easier. I have cried even more over past week and half emotions all over the place,
Dont ever think your being silly about crying, you will have blip days and your allowed to, things may have to be put on hold for a little while but as I have just found out, there is light at the end of the tunnel and booked up to go on holiday in July! Although I have been given a lecture by my rads consultant about sitting in the sun or should I say 'no sun" I’m what they called the naughty patient as love the sun and sat out in it when we had our summer a few weeks ago! Fed up looking grey and ill! But I will do as I’m told! Just need to be in a different environment away from where it started!
You will get there, just take one day at a time! hope you have a lovely day!
big hugs Norms xx
Thanks Cress, Are you back at work fulltime or part time? What did you have and how long was it before you went back? Sorry lots of questions. I don’t have much time off so knowing I won’t be in for many weeks/ possibly months depending on ops, and outcomes is rather alien to me.
Norms, Your post made me laugh. I think I may just be another naughty patient. I have tried to gain a little control as they wanted to do my pre op on Friday and I said no I was busy! (I was at the time but actually my plans have changed) But it felt so good to say no!
Glad all your treatment apartfrom Tamoxifen is over. Not sure what I will have until I get the histology of the cancer. Op is 9 days and between now and then I am doing rather a lot of coffee meetings and lunches with friends! Note to oneself- do not eat too many cakes!!!
Anyway ladies I have had a lovely day today. Just chilling now- waiting for the giant chocolate buttons to go really hard in the freezer and then I will have a perfect end to a near perfect day.
xxx
I had a WLE and ANC two weeks ago tomorrow. I’m going back pretty much full time but not taking on any of the extra duties for a while so my days will be slightly shorter. To be honest, I’m still in quite a bit of discomfort/pain but I need to go back to take my mind off things, and to stop me from wallowing in self-pity! The reaction I got was so lovely - isn’t teaching just a brilliant job! I get the path results on Tuesday and have an onc appointment for June. The tough thing (for me anyway) is not only knowing that my precious summer holiday is going to be taken up with hospital trips/chemo but that it will still be going on when we come back in September. Sensible voice in head says take it one step at a time!!
I’m so glad you’ve had a lovely day - get as much rest as you can before your op - and definitely keep eating the chocolate. Hugs honey, Cress xxxx
Teaching is the best job Cress. It has certainly got me through the past month although I did feel I was treading water the last few two weeks as I struggled to focus on much. I hope you results are good, please let me know. I have accepted that Turkey in July is not going to happen but hope POrtugal (for a friends wedding) in August could still be a possibility (fingers crossed all rads will be finished by then if that is what they decide I need). Been for cofee with a friend today and just chilling now. It does seem strange that I do not have to worry about doing any planning for school intend to enjoy this feeling for now.
Hope you have had a good weekend.
xx