hi. I had to have a LNC after my sentinal node came back positive. I had all my nodes removed under right arm and have had no problems since- at all.
I used to run all the time- ran 15k a few days before I was diagnosed. Haven’t done a jot of exercise since ans I haven’t felt well either emotionally or physically. I am going to go back to it though as I believe my physical fitness helped me get over ops and with chemo too. Going to gym tomoz to walk on treadmill. I used to be able to run 5k in 24mins !!! Changed days, but they will come back.x
Yes I read that even if you are exhausted with the awful cancer fatigue exercise has been found to be nothing but positive and surprisingly to help reduce fatigue!. I am a Zumba addict and still do it now…two planned at least pre op, if not 3…plus I have dogs to walk!
I also plan to take mega painkillers so I can be sure to do the exercises to avoid lymphoedema as that scares the hell out of me
I am trying not to blame myself for not noticing, but mine came on really fast, from being normal (for me) kind of heavy feeling and a little lumpy to this huge mass in literally weeks…
Thank you for your support…xx
hiya
don’t be hard on yourself. I was the same. I was paranoid about my boobs as I lost dear friend to BC when she was 29, so i knew it really could happen. In fact I think her loss made me go to docs. I dodn’t have any lumps- just pain that came and went. I actually never seriously thought for one minute it could be cancer. My boobs were always lumpy. In fact, this time was the third time at the clinic in 10 years- i didn’t mess about and I am only 37. third time unlucky for me!
Thanks Flower, had a really bad day today, tried to have a normal day but instead just feel overwhelmed with this sense of dread…this cancer must have been lurking for quite some time, I could have it everywhere by now, and I just don´t know how to feel safe in myself again. Does this sound mad? How do we ever feel normal again? I feel so out of the normal world now, it just does not feel the same, and I do not want to be in the cancer world…
Hiya. all those feelings are totally normal. i still get them. I am envious of people going about their normal lives without having to think about cancer ( but in reality you don;t really know what is going on in people’s lives). you are going through a grieving process. Loss of your old (carefree?) life, loss of security of health ( the toughie for me), loss of hopes and dreams ( they will come back though), loss of life too. It is horrible and acute and you feel as if your world has been shattered to pieces. BUT you will get yourself together again. You are at the worse point. Knowing you have cancer but not sure exactly what is involved until you get your scans etc. My advice would be to remember, you have caught it. ILC tends to take a bit longer to spread outwith the breast / nodes too. You will be getting treatment. Don’t get hung up on stats. Thats is all they are - figures. There is LOADS of treatment out there. Remember, stages1,2, and 3 are still classed as early stage breast cancer. Things will get easier when you know what you are dealing with. Believe me. You will start to regain some semblance of your old life x
Hi Flower/Sascha
What a lovely post. I am taking on all you say to Sascha, it is all so true.
Sascha, I think you have to prepare for a bumpy ride (I too have ILC) diagnosed Feb 12. which I know has been there some time, My worse fear was spread but after numerous tests was amazed it hasn’t. My lump/mass is 5cm and I am having chemo to reduce it first.
I think Flower is correct in that we need a time to grieve, to accept where we are now. I try not to fight things with ‘whys’ as it takes up too much energy, I have just got out of hospital with an infection following chemo and I will need all my mental/physical strength to overcome that little episode.
try to break things down into manageable pieces if you can. this is what I did. Today, MRI, tomorrow CT etc. You will get unexpected happenings as I did with the infection, but mostly you can deal with things 1 thing at a time.
I still have not read all my path report, as I don’t feel able to do so yet and as one lady on here told me ‘don’t’ - do it when you are ready. As soon as I had ‘permission’ to do that, I was able to concentrate on what I needed to do today. It has kept things calmer for me and my children.
You will have at times strong and intense feelings that may threaten to overwhelm you. I did. I just expressed them on here and people usually respond and we get wise words and help. Go with the feelings, allow them to be, and cry or whatever you need to do. If you are really not managing then seek some professional care to help you cope. I have anti- depressants and a good GP.
I am not sure where you are up to with your dx. but I am sure we will all help if you have any questions, and you in turn (when you feel ready) will help others
Best Wishes.
WS
Sascha
I can totally agree with all that Flower and Wintersocks have said. I was diagnosed with ILC last October and had an mx in January, My tumour was 57mm and I beat myself up that I hadnt noticed something earlier. My surgeon said that it could have quite possibly been growing for up to 5 years! BUT I have no spread to my nodes or anywhere else! I am having chemo at present, then rads and tamoxifen, but for me they are a preventative measure.
So, there are lots of treatment options. Once you know the results of your tests, they will make a treatment plan with you. It is all a big shock and you need to come to terms with what is happening, but you will have time to do that, somehow, things will have a perspective for you. I try to deal with things in bite size chunks, like wintersocks has said. Its best to cope with the here and now rather than worry about what might happen in the future.
Big hug
Joan xxx
Thanks everyone for the replies, I am self employed and not able to work as there were complications from the biopsies. With any medical treatment you can guarantee if there is a complication to be had or an allergy to anything essential then I will have it or get it. I feel exactly like Flower describes so eloquently, and my neck and shoulder have hurt for months and now I think the cancer has already spread to my brain or throat as there is no other reason for that.
Although you are all great and really supportive, underneath I feel intensely lonely, and I don´t want to spend the rest of my life living with this dread. I have enormous fear of hospitals and realised I actually fear cancer treatments and cancer more than death - that will give you some idea of how unbearable I find all this. Sounds selfish when so many of you are fighting for your lives, but I have to be honest. I even find myself obsessively looking at other women´s breasts…and envying them…they take it for granted
I am not in the UK so things are done a bit differently here and there are so many budget cuts that also scare me. I am a VERY independent person normally, my life was in a better stage than it had been for a few years, and now I am in a place where I feel gut wrenchingly miserable and don´t even like myself for feeling the way I feel so doubt that others can. Although I do have some good friends, I think I will drive them away as I am so different now.
I do have my diagnosis and treatment plan - Stage 3 grade 3 ILC in lymph nodes too (from biopsies), then they want to throw everything at me, but I have NEVER agreed with chemotherapy in principle and I just do not want my life or emotions to be dominated by ugly treatments for an ugly disease. I have many negative reactions to drugs, (medically diagnosed by bad experiences) so I just dread any of the systemic treatments as the drugs most people take to deal with side effects I am not able to take as I react too badly to them (breathing issues, locking up syndrome etc).
I am sure I am going to irritate or annoy some of you stronger people than me, but that is how I really feel. Sorry I don´t mean to upset anyone.
Surgery is in 5 days.
Sascha, none of us is any stronger than you and we have all had the feelings you describe. I was so phobic about bc that I couldn’t bear to wear a pink ribbon! I never wanted to be one of the sick people - how’s that for arrogance and stupidity? The thought of chemotherapy would have been unbearable to me this time last year.
I was diagnosed in October 2011 after ignoring pain in my breast for several months . My lump was 4.9cm. I had mx in November and flew to London for my son’s wedding 11 days later. I’ve just finished chemotherapy and have started 15 rads. I started on tamoxifen this week. None of it has been anywhere near as bad as I feared and nothing could be as bad as facing the knowledge that you were fighting this thing without any of the weapons modern medicine can provide.
Wait for your post-op biopsy results, listen to what the oncologist advises and make your own decisions then. Only you can know what is best for you. I wish you the very best in whatever lies ahead. People here will always understand and support you. You are never alone.
Love,
Kathleen
Thank you Kathleen…I hate myself for feeling like this.
Sasha iv not got ILC but I am a friend of flowers and she was exactly like you at the start and now she is able to offer great advice and support.
Don’t hate yourself… Hate the cancer! You need to love yourself… Don’t put pressure on yourself to think or do certain things just allow yourself to be scared, upset and angry… But not for ever… If you find you are really struggling to cope you may find it useful to talk your worries over with a counsellor or maybe see if you gp can prescribe something to relax you or antidepressants… Its pretty common to get ADs during treatment or a dosage adjustment for people already taking them…
In a couple of months you will be like flower being able support others.
I look at chemo as writing off six months of my life but it’s worth six months to me if it gives me another 10 or 20 or 30 even 40 years without cancer… I’m also stage 3 with positive lymph nodes and just finished treatment and looking ahead to holidays and returning to work within a year of diagnosis.
Take care x
Sascha
Just responded to your other thread and seen this one. You know what, I take absolutely no notice of stats and have never asked. You don’t know what side of the line you’ll fall with stats so what’s the point. I think worrying about those is a sure route to feeling very depressed.
As Lulu says, it’s okay to have all these different feelings. It’s what makes us human. Please don’t beat yourself up. It takes time to adjust to getting the diagnosis but I promise you it does get easier.
I remember going into Costa Coffee shortly after I was diagnosed and thinking that life would never be normal and I’d always have that gut wrenching feeling. I’m now 3 years since diagnosis and in the last year I’ve been into Costa a few times and I can tell you I’ve not had a thought about cancer even after going to see the Oncologist for a check up. The mind has an incredible way of adjusting. I remember someone on the helpline telling me that when I was at a terrible low point and I found it hard to believe but it’s true.
I’m not saying I never have low points 'cos I do. But that’s okay too as long as most of the time I’m not thinking about it all.
take care and a big hug to you
Elinda x
I can only support what has been said before, my dx and treatment was in 2010 and I wondered if my first thoughts in the morning and last thing at night would be from then on ‘OMG I have been diagnosed with cancer’ but gradually through the process of treatment and after, life just goes on quite normal, maybe not the same as before, but for me personally, I feel happy (of course, there is worry when aches and pains or check ups come around, that’s to be expected) and look forward to all that life has to give, seeing my boys grow up, holidays etc. None of us is to blame for our diagnosis or could have prevented the situation we find ourselves in. I was determined to get through treatment, my last op was in Dec 2011, and like Elinda says, statistics are just that, who knows what will happen! Be kind to yourself. x
Sascha, it’s amazing how we learn to cope and bounce back. I had ILC , tumour a scary 11cm, 9out of 24 nodes positive. I’ve survived chemo, total mx and full clearance, rads , and now on tamoxifen. I feel well and treatment only finished in jan. you will get there, just think 1day at a time.
Love Lorna.xxx
Thank you everyone, I am amazed how all over the place emotional I am and in so many ways the biggest thing is the fact that I have cancer, that is such a systemic shock for me…it feels like an inner earthquake. I feel so insecure about everything now, my future, friends, my partner, how I feel about me, it really is earth shattering…
I am doing positive things - I have the Rainbow Diet and I will look into oestrogen blocking alternatives and pother things I can do but right now it jsut feels so overwhelming…
I went shopping yesterday and found nothing I could wear afterwards but today after some ideas I saw on another thread I found some adjustable strappy tops and a couple of nice shirts to wear afterwards, things I can get on easily so I feel slightly better. Still churning inside but at least I can see I might look a bit human afterwards.
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Hello first time I have written on here as just been diagnosed with lobular cancer. Stage 2 with 2cm tumour. After MRI scan they found another 2 tumours. Not sure if cancer as well but nurse says they appear to be from appearance.
Could have more biopsies etc however decided have a mastectomy. Get it over with and start treatment.
Feeling positive but very scared.
Hi BooRadley, i just wanted to say hello and sorry that you are in the position to be on here too, but as Sue has so brilliantly written, this is a fantastic site, full of warm, inspirational women who support each other, so you are definitely in the right place.
I also had a grade 2 lobular type, it was a biggie at 7.5 cm and I decided to have a mastectomy from the outset. I’m so glad I did. I knew that I wanted the least amount of surgery possible as i didn’t want to risk the situation of having a wle and the margins not being quite good enough so having to go back in for mastectomy and a second surgery.
It all went really well and I have a lovely flat scar, god bless the surgeon. I’m coping well with the mastectomy, had it done early December. I didn’t have to have chemo, they did the oncotype test for me as i had no node involvement and it was deemed low risk for recurrence and chemo would be of no benefit, so I start radiotherapy today. 3 more weeks then I can get on with the rest of my life. It is a raw, emotional time, all the tests, the waiting for results, surgery, treatment etc etc but you will get through this, I promise and if I can help with anything please let me know. Big hugs, love H xxx
I am recently diagnosed with ILC…it is very small…due mri next week, then surgery…I have had a lumpectomy before with LCIS but this time removing nodes for testing…I am wondering how much worse this will be as read alot re pain etc with it?..lots of people saying long term??.I also have 2 large cysts to be removed too…the plan at the moment is radiotherapy after unless mri or node test shows differently…Still strange to be here but im very grateful so far looks like early…thankyou ladies xxx