Irony or can I just not win?!

Hi,

I smoked prior to my dx in August and quit using the patches about 10 days before my mx and LD recon on the 22 September, the hospital in fact gave me a patch each day with my meds! Had a bit of a wobble about 10 days after the op and ended up smoking again for about a week. Tried again on the patches for about another week. Failed again for about 4 days.

Went to see the dental hospital about 10 days ago after being referred as I have gum disease and was told, as I knew I would, that I should give up the fags or I would eventually loose my teeth. Quit smoking again the following day, using the patches feeling utterly cr*p about life.

Next day was 1st FEC and the day after the FEC my back wound opened up (6 weeks post surgery) and I am now having to have it dressed every 2/3 days and am back to trekking 20 miles once a week to have the surgeon look at it.

Have fallen down an emotional hole during the last week trying to manage no fags, FEC, back wound not healing etc combined with sanctimonious OH giving me that “I told you so” look or passing comment each time someone has mentioned the smoking I ripped the patch off again 2 days ago and decided I would “treat” myself to a couple of fags a day.

Having been told again yesterday by my surgeon that even one fag would delay my healing and OH doing THAT "I told you you should quit, you are only delaying your own healing"l ook again and then leaving me in the warm doorway of the hospital whilst he stepped to have a fag outside I am feeling pretty sh*t!!

The irony of it all is as I sat here today contemplating whether I should stick another patch on and try again I decided to check something out via my BCN…

… she spoke to the surgeon and in fact wearing a 24 hour patch of nicotine having it run around my system 24/7 was in fact NOT good and I should NOT be wearing the patches as it will undoubtedly slow my healing.

The bleeding patches have, and I am only guessing, slowed down up my healing and I may have done better to stick to a couple of fags a day rather than the intravenous nicotine I was on!!!

Ha! I now have the choice of a few fags to keep me sane or go completely cold turkey and chew lumps out of the carpet. I haven’t decided WHAT to do to OH yet!

HUH! Tell your other half that when he gives up then so will you!!!

Sorry to hear this is happening, I remember after WLE my wound subesquently “burst” and took forever to heal.That was the longest time of my treatment and worse than chemo.

People will blame anything on smoking…or on being fat. I am sure that if I got a wart on my little finger someone would tell me it was my own fault for being overweight.You must feel the same about the fags.

Hope you soon feel better

Louise x

Oh Ostrich, that’s so not fair. You’ve been trying so hard and the blooming patches haven’t help. Gosh, don’t chew the carpet, could be unpleasant tasting after FEC! You do what you need to do to get you through this.

hi ostrich i agree with cat do what you have to in order to get through this. it would be hard for anyone deciding to stop smoking let alone while going through chemo ( i had to delete kimo there haha). men are so considerate at times arent they? being a non smoker and not ever trying a cigarette i dont know what it must be like to have to stop but i have heard its awful and i know you are dealing with enough at the moment… love lainey xx

Go get a copy of Alan Carrs “The easy way to quit smoking” and get a second copy out the library for your other half at the same time. Me and my OH crammed this book in about 2 weeks and then had the last fag and quit for good just before my Op. No replacement therapy either and he explains why in the book (in essence you are not weak willed you ARE addicted to a drug) so actually patches don’t help you quit nicotine at all. Then there’s 3 days to a week of an annoying little voice basically saying I want a cigarette and then tht voice gets quieter until you can laugh at it’s pathetic cries for it’s evil little drug :slight_smile:

I’ve never looked back, the book sort of changes how you feel about the addiction allowing to just ditch it and understand thoe feelings for those few days and then you can actually live your life never wanting a cig again, and I honestly mean that I know that I really don’t want a cig anymore rather than feeling like I’ve given something up that I do want, OH says he feels exactly the same way, even after 6 beers :wink: And being around people who are smoking doesn’t tempt either of us at all. I really really recommend that book and it’s short easy chapters too. I expect there’s a DVD too etc but the book worked for both of us.

I just wish he’d written the easy way to give up Lucozade LOL

Thanks for all your comments.

I have to say Angie I have never given serious thought to a book being able to help me quit and have always poo poo’d the idea but as I am game for anything these days I think I’ll give it a go! Can’t say I will bother for the OH. He doesn’t read unless its a bike mag and isn’t prepared to give up - only at best to smoke outside.

I spoke to him on the phone earlier and told him what the surgeon said, his suggestion - don’t smoke all day, deal with the cravings and then when I come home and when I decide I want a fag you can ask me for a puff!!! I told him I would rather walk over hot coals than go to him cap in hand begging for a toke on his ciggie and thus give him something to lord it over me with!!!

GGrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I had given up way before my diagnosis, I was never an everyday smoker but more a social one. However, when I was on FEC chemo I used to have an odd 1 or 2 with a glass of wine as it relieved the stress of everything. I didn’t touch anything during rads and I was too ill on Taxotere. I don’t think any of us should beat ourselves up in this situation. The first thing my surgeon said when I was diagnosed was not to go down any route involving the thoughts of something you had done giving you this. He just said they couldn’t tell me how I had got BC so I should focus on the fact he had cut everything out to the best of his ability.

hi
I was dx on 19th May, the first thing I asked for when talking to ny bcn was a fag,and at a later discussion she actually said to me I.m not gonna tell you to stop smoking cos my body ws going to go through so much trauma anyway without having to deal with no fags so in my opion if you want a fag and it makes you feel better then have one

val

My husband had a heart attack and had to go cold turkey with ciggies.He had acupuncture[in ear lobes!] and sucked polo mints and hasnt had one cig in 6 years.!

I know what you mean about no way a book could do it. My mum gave it to me months earlier hoping I would read it but it wasn’t until I realised I was going to have to stay in hospital that I decided to actually give it a go. Just couldn’t face withdrawl symptoms at the same time as having both breasts removed, seemed like I’d have no idea what would be responsible for the moods so no go decided it had to be done.

One of the first things I realised not far into the book was that they didn’t make me feel better, they made me buzz, ie jittery. I’d always thought they helped me be calm but when I stepped back to think about it there was nothing calm about dashing downstairs for my first cig of the day or being with people who would give me that look for needing a cig… you know that “you poor pathetic thing” look. I really don’t miss that.

One thing I really remember from the book (it was 8 months ago now) was how the author had heard so many people refer to themseleves as being weak willed and pointing out that there’s nothing weak willed about a person who’s prepared to walk 3 miles in the middle of the night to get some fags and I know I have in the past. So I really strongly suggest you just read the book. I though it wouldn’t work and was very surprised at just how much an addiction can be broken down by logical analysis of it, but then I am a bit of a logic head.

No promises, no commitments, it’s just a book.

Angie

Forgot to say that my BCN said the same thing val. Somehow a lot of people have bought into the idea that quitting causes real physical suffering which it doesn’t really, at least not for long but the phsycological addiction is just hell to break. My OH had tried patches and just going cold turkey in the past but hadn’t really wanted to quit so it never worked. I’m quite embarrased to say I’d just assumed I’d fail so I never even tried to quit. I was a smoker for 15 years and for 10 of them I felt I shouldn’t be. But it was only a few days before my last cig that I really didn’t want to be anymore.

I have an addictive personality Angie so don’t know if logic will sway my perdicious mind from talking me into more fags - “cos they feel soooo good” :slight_smile:

Honestly though I have realised over the last few weeks of my struggles with the demons that about 5% of it is NEED and 95% is habit. I have successfully(ish) cut down to about (only since giving up the patches 2 days ago admittedly) 5 or 6 fags a day. I have found that I can easily manage on 5 or 6 and therefore the other 15 plus were a habit. I haven’t taken my fags with me when I have left the house say to travel 15 miles to see my mum for lunch and come home and bimbled around for an hour or so before DECIDING to have a cig etc. I am finding making a decision to have a fag when I choose rather than “thats when I have a fag so I will”. I reckon in honesty only about 2 are NEED fags and I certainly no longer NEED a fag the minute I wake up (used to be before I get out of bed) - now I NEED a cup of strong tea way before I NEED a fag. I can therefore smoke only 2 fags a day - result!!

I sound like I am getting there right? The only problem in this “self cure” method is that I have 20 + years of habit to break and thats what will ultimately be fatal for this method. My sneaky little nicotine receptors will convince my rational mind that 7 wont hurt if 6 wont etc so I WILL go and get that book tomorrow and see if I can get my rational mind to shut the little buggers up.

Is that rambling? Had good friend round, fellow BC sufferer (though friend before either had BC), tried on my wigs, fell apart laughing, drunk too much vodka and yes, smoked a couple of fags so maybe it is! Haven’t laughed so much in ages and certainly not that much in the last week though!

xx

I stopped smoking 12 years ago using Allen Carr’s book having tried literally hundreds of times to give up. Started having the odd roll-up after dx but the Allen Carr reverse brainwashing made me realise I didn’t like it and wasn’t getting any benefit so I stopped. Really would give it a go xx

OH is going to Spain in a fortnight to see some friends of ours. I’m not going for a variety of reasons, but one of the reasons I decided not to go was our friends are incredibly heavy smokers (the husband is 40 a day easy, puts one out and lights another) and I didn’t want to be in that environment for 4 days solid. When they come here they have real problems with the smoking ban and if we go for a meal they are outside between courses, they also smoke in the street all the time which I hate (never did this when I smoked myself). Last time I had to remind them you get fined 50 quid for stubbing ciggies out on the pavement in Edinburgh city centre. They don’t go to the cinema either because they can’t sit through a movie without being able to smoke. When we go to their house it’s like being in fog and they love really high tar fags! Sorry if that sounds so sanctimonious.

Lost two freinds last year to cancer of the throat, husband and wife, heavy heavy smokers, who knows if it was the fags but a terrible loss just the same both under 55.

I gave up 15 years ago having smoked from 11 years old.Did it literally overnight, but after getting a hypnosis tape that I would just play when I went to bed for a couple of weeks before hand, it worked!!! Couldn’t even stand the taste or smell afterwards. But in saying that, although I still enjoyed the cigs beforehand I had got to the point where I was uncomfortable smoking around people and felt it was time, so maybe a combination helped.

If someone wants to give up cigs, good on em and I hope they can do it for themselves (I do not regret it one little bit and felt better off them than ever did on) if they don’t then it wont happen and so what eh. Who knows what ‘gave’ us breast cancer, and if you believe what you read everyday even breathing is dangerous for our health. Do what truly makes you happy is what I think now.

Nikki

Hi Ostrich

i think the way you are looking to quit will work - my husband went to about 5 a day - then 2 - then after about two months he just quit. You are modifying your behaviour and making changes - it really will work. My husband hasn’t smoked for years since then - must be about 7 years. But it would be alot easier for you if your OH will do the same- it shouldnt just be you!

Cathy

Hi Ostrich
I gave up years ago Just decided one night that I hated the taste and never smoked again.
Smug …moi?.. Nah.
Just lucky that my decision and state of mind coincided i think.
My Sister did the Alan Carr course.Paid for by her loving family she went to the 1 day course unwillingly and very sceptical, She came out a non smoker and has never smoked since.
On the other hand I gave my other half a Alan Carr book and its never been opened. He just loves smoking and nothing will change that until he has a change of mind set himself.
Good luck with your quest .Only you can make the final decision
Kind regards
Wynn

Thanks for all your comments ladies.

I do like smoking which is half the problem, no probably all of it. The fact that I should give up for my health (gums and healing) means that everyone is telling me to give up and me being me it has the opposite effect - like being told you can’t have a sweetie you want - you want it more. My barriers go up and instead of me hearing the care and concern I feel picked on and childish in my response.

I am trying to keep to the 5 a day and went to the library yesterday and got Alan Carr’s book out. Cold turkey wont work with my mindset so have to try something if I can’t have nicotine substitutes. The skeptic in me thinks - “how will a book make me give up” but then again I have heard good things and heck, I am willing to give it a try if the decision to give up is mine and not something I feel pressured into.

Its probably ridiculous of me to throw my toys out of the pram this last week when everyone has told me to give up and refuse to and then to go away quietly by myself and give up because I chose to but thats probably how it will work.

So much of my life has been taken away by BC, my breast, my self esteem, my sense of health and welbeing, comfort in sexuality, ability to do my job - the list goes on. So much of my ability to make my own decisions has been taken away too that I want to make this choice myself because I want to. Not because some aspect of my health (BC and teeth) and other people are telling me to.

Sad and silly maybe but thats how I feel.

Before my diagnosis in early September I was smoking about 10 “roll ups” a day. I was in rerrible state with anxiety for a couple of weeks and gave my tobacco to a friend. I haven’t stopped smoking but I only have a ciggy when I go to my friend’s house, which is about 3 times a week and when I see her I only usually have one or two. I still miss smoking but I’m coping with the solution I have at the moment. My OH doesn’t smoke which of course is a bonus.

Helen x

hi all,

don’t know if this will do any good considering you want to stop. I decided I was going to stop but my onc actually told me not to. She said I have to cope with too much right now to add more. Told me not to torture my body if I didn’t have to as it has enough to deal with (chemo etc.) My sister was really upset because she has been urging me to quit. But instead of stopping I have cut right down. Only smoke outside for a start, which will cut down smoking anyway as it’s getting really cold. It also stops you smoking while you watch tv as you don’t want to go outside while you watch something. And what I found most strange…because I “can” smoke if I want to it’s not as hard as it would be if I “had” to stop.

love Maroke