Irrational fear?

A year after finishing all my treatment I find that I am losing the battle with the fear-goblin on my shoulder. I hear stories of women who’ve had their cancer come back and women who have died, and it scares the bejesus out of me to the point where I convince myself it’s coming back. 

I feel healthy and have maintained a super healthy lifestyle, but that still doesn’t make me feel better. I recently heard of a local woman who had her annual check up, was given the all-clear, and now six months later is in a hospice with weeks to live. What if a seed of cancer starts growing the week after your check-up and it then has a year to grow before your next one?

I just don’t know how to live with a semblance of confidence that it’s not there somewhere in my body quietly festering away…

There just in no way we can have a 100% assurance that this will never come back but we have to believe it won’t to be able to move on. We can’t spend our lives in fear of what may be as that just robs us of enjoying the here and now.

I’m 4 years post diagnosis in March and every year that passes brings confidence, we don’t read about those who have gone on to have no further problems, they are off living, it’s the sadder stories that get published but that doesn’t happen to the majority. My mindset is if I need to deal with it again then I will but for now all is well and that’s what I focus on.


It does get easier, Cancer won’t always be in the forefront of your mind I can assure you Xx Jo 

High2k - I totally get where you are coming from and I could have written an identical post especially as I come up on the 2 year anniversary of diagnosis. I too feel like I have a “fear goblin” on my shoulder (perfect description), so I’m glad you shared your worries as it shows that there are many of us out there who are also scared.


BUT Jobey68 has written a brilliant piece of advice and it is one that I am going to save and read when the fear goblin starts talking. Thank you Jo.


Hugs to you both.

Evie xx

Thank you both for your wise and reassuring words. I’ve decided to take the goblin by the scruff of the neck and have arranged some counselling with Macmillan.
I keep my lips zipped when well-meaning folk congratulate me on being ‘cured’. If only they knew what we have going on in our heads!


Like you I have irrational fears, the what if it hasn’t all gone, what if it comes back, I am due my first annual mammogram  in January following surgery last February.  I am trying to hold myself together and hoping that nothing else shows up and if this is the case I will move forward through the next year in a state of contained anxiety - knowing i will have to go through another one in another 12 months.  

If I get a good result I hopefully will relax a little. If I get another recall for more investigations and possible surgery I will have to face it and hope for the best, The breast care teams are very supportive and can offer support if you need it.  You have to be able to move forward, the alternative is surely not an option - do not let this illness beat you, do not let it make you feel insecure be proud that you have come through this so far and having done so be proud of your achievement this far and know that you can deal with this thing - do not let it beat you, you are a survivor.  xx

Exactly, i say with bravado now, in january at my first annual mammo i might not be so confident, my mind plays games with me but that goblin will not win if i can help it. Good luck everyone xx