Irritated with self

Sorry posted in wrong place so putting it here!

Am sorry to post something self-pitying but was really hoping you lovely people could cheer me up a bit. I think I’ve been doing really well, even though I feel like all I get is bad news after bad news through all this.

But today, can’t stop weeping. It’s really annoying me!! I am trying so hard to stay positive and upbeat, but today is a struggle. I just want to be able to feel that at the end of this I’ll be alright (am 3 FEC down, 3 taxotere to go, then 5 weeks rads) but I do feel a bit like it’s all against me - positive nodes, HER+, large tumour, some DCIS etc etc. Need to be able to feel that there is a bit of light at the end of the tunnel and all those things I wanted to do with my life (am 28) can maybe still happen…

Basically am having one of those days, and would v much appreciate a virtual hug!

Thanks, Liz x

Vurtual hugs…LOVE them so here you are…


Feel better?

Hi Lizalou

Of course you are gonna feel down from time to time, hun - it would be strange if you didn’t. I know it’s hard, but try to remember that you are having curative treatment and that is the aim of it all, a cure. You are having all this treatment to mop up any cells that MAY have been left behind - it’s possible that everything was taken out at surgery and there is nothing left in your body to get rid of. However, if there are microscopic cells left behind then you are getting the full works to try and get rid of the little blighters!!!

I am 36 and think I am far too young for this disease, and you at 28 are even younger - and it is a bloody difficult diagnosis for anyone at any age, allow yourself time to be p*ssed off don’t worry about being stoic all the time. In the meantime we are all here to keep your spirits bouyed up and for you to have a rant and a cry to.

Lots of hugs,

You are not alone in feeling how you do, i am about to have my final 2 chemos in next 2 weeks and i keep having bad days too.Not helped by feeling so lonely sometimes with this disease

Hi Liz,

Hope you are feeling better today? One day at a time eh? It’s natural to feel down and it’s good to have a good old weep and get it all out, don’t be too hard on yourself darling.

You’re doing everything you can to get better, just keep telling yourself that, you’re getting there, look at what you’ve done already not what’s still to be done. I bet you were nervous about starting chemo and now look at you, you’re half way through it, that’s fantastic.

Keep going, you’re not alone.

Take care

Hiya Liz,

Sending you an abundance of virtual hugs my little cyber friend. ((((((o)))))) We are all right there with 'ya. I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel like everything is against you! I was diagnosed in may, age 34, +nodes, er+ and then to top if off I found out last week I’m HER2+ too!! It seems that bad news is plentiful and good news is nowhere to be seen.

Last week I was almost at rock bottom but since then I’ve managed to turn things around and turn the negatives into positives. Yes we’ve got +nodes but we’re having chemo to mop up any stray nasties. And as if that weren’t enough, they’re gonna give us rads too as an extra insurance. AND, as if ALL THAT weren’t enough we’re fortunate enough to be able to have Herceptin. Hurrah!!! They are leaving no stone unturned for us, thats v.reassuring.

I thought the world had ended when I found out I my treatment would continue for a further year as I would be having herceptin. I knew I should be grateful but was gutted as it felt that the finishing post had been moved again. Now I say ‘bring it on’!!. I have an awful lot I’ve yet to do in my life, and I am going nowhere!!! Neither are you my lovely!!!

I hope you are feeling better about things today Liz. We all have soooo many down days but lets try and have even more ‘up’ days,

Take care and let us know how you’re doing,


Thank you so so much. I was so low yesterday and reading these kind and lovely posts has really cheered me up. It’s hard to be positive, but am feeling better today! Chemo makes me feel a bit blue anyway I think. Also, there is such a rush of support after diagnosis, and I spent all my time telling people I wanted to be treated normally, carry on as if it hadn’t happened! Now they’ve taken me at my word dammit and I kind of want them all to read my mind and know I need extra looking after at the moment!! I am a v tricky customer for my poor hubby, friends and family I think.

You are so right - many many positives in all the treatement the darned blighters are being hit with. Am going to remember that and get back up again!

Thanks so much again - lots of love xx

Hey Lizalou, the chemo can make you a bit down in another way. Some people are very sensitive to the steroids that are given pre and post chemo, it can make them a bit ‘high’. After the steroids are stopped they have a bit of a crash. I have seen it a few times. So that is worth considering when you do feel a bit ‘blue’, as well.


Hi Lizalou,

I’m really glad you have cheered up since yesterday. Chemo makes me feel v.sorry for myself I don’t mind telling you. I normally start blubbing a couple of hours after I get back from the chemo day centre! My boyfriend is prepared for this now, he never wears anything too nice so he doesn’t have to worry about snot and mascara!!

I know what you mean about being a tricky customer, my poor boyfriend and family don’t know whether they’re coming or going with me half the time. I hate being a moody bu**er but can’t seem to stop myself sometimes!

Anyway, you get yourself back up again right now young lady!!! Take care and keep smiling,


Hi Liz,

I spoke to you a few weeks ago on here, I dont know if you remember, you and me are practically the same, +nodes, HER2 +, large tumour etc etc I to am only 27, I just wanted to say I was feeling just like you this morning and after reading your threads I have picked myself up and feeling a bit better about things this afternoon. so thanks for that It really helps me knowing there is someone just like me and that i am not alone.

I have just had my 2nd Taxotere last tuesday (previous to that like you I had 3 FEC) and apart from feeling a bit low this morning am ok, I was dreading the Tax as I had heard so many bad things about it but actually I find it easier than the FEC, I have had no nausea or sickness just tiredness which is easing a bit now, and a very sore mouth due to having oral thrush but a course of fluconazole is sorting that out now. When is your next Taxotere? I really hope we can keep in touch.

take care and good luck with your tax.

luv corrina. xx


Hi Corrina and Liz,

Sounds like I’m in a pretty simliar situation to you girls,a young’n’ with +nodes, HER2 + and a large tumour. I wish we weren’t like peas in a pod though eh!!



so glad to hear you are feeling a little better today.

You wrote that at the beginning you told everyone to carry on as normal - sometimes this works and other times it doesn’t. when you are feeling low tell others how you feel and you’ll find that the hugs, kisses and love you recieve back will give you such a lift

been there bought the t-shirt.
i am now a year post treatment and back at work, i can tell you it does get better, although when i am not well i can still get a bit emotional.
i just kept telling myself that crying was good for me, it lets out all the stress and upset, so it is healthy.
i told my hubby i wanted to be treated as normal… can’t remember what he did but when i questioned it he said… well you did want to be treated normal

Although you may feel you are wallowing in self pity you are NOT! You need to cry, it is a normal human response to stress and trauma and it helps. You have had a bad time but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I found that after my 3rd chemo was my lowest point with the treatment and illness so maybe you will feel happier after no.4 (over the hump so to speak!)

Chin up kid

Love Irene

Thanks again so much everyone - really appreciate it.

Irene - you’re right, half way there has been my low point but by the end of next one will be nearly there! Sometimes you do just have to cry

Wonder1 - that is exactly what I’m like! Keeps everyone on their toes I think!

Corinna and Kelly - we are peas in pod! It sucks!! I do remember talking to you Corinna. Not been on here for a bit. Thanks for the advice about the tax - my first one is 19th July. I will definitely keep in touch. We’re all v similar in terms of diag and situation so hopefully now I’m not such a misery guts and you have so kindly picked me up I shall be able to return the favour! If only the bloody weather would pick up that would help!!

Babyboo - thanks for the hug and Fuschia thanks for the kind words and tip about the steriods…am rattling with pills at the moment so that’s bound to send me loopy!

Veggiebean - thanks so much for the pep talk - exactly what I needed to hear

Mounties - hope you’re feeling ok today too. It is lonely sometimes which is why these boards can be a godsend for people that understand and just let you scream if you need to!!

Kelyn - you are right. Am a bit rubbish at letting on to people when I feel pants in case they get upset, but actually when you let them help they’re great and that’s all they wanted to do in the first place.

Hope you’re all having good days! Thanks so much for the support

We wouldn’t be human without a few bad days - think about what we are all going through and I think you will all agree, we are amazing and we are coping brilliantly. A friend gave me a calendar produced by ‘Women of Hope’ - a breastcancer group from Ireland. It’s a Calendar Girls type publication and shows beautiful women post-op and all in our special club…Each month has a quote with the picture and some quotes are very spot-on…

Live your dream instead of putting it off to some distant tomorrow (for our good days, leave the housework)
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.
There can be no rainbows unless it has rained…

It is an inspiring calendar…I recommend it.


Hello there Izalou,
I’m not surprised you were feeling down. 28, diagnosed with bc, and with a hubby to worry about worrying about you! I
was diagnosed in 2002,. at 40, which is so much older than you, with invasive bc, 2.5 cm tumour, and HER2 positive. I had Taxotere/carboplatin chemo, rads, and alongside, was part of the Herceptin trial.
I found throwing things around the kitchen helped!. My other half didn’t like it, but now I’m forgiven!
I wouldn’t let anyone help me, I thought I should be able to do it all myself, now looking back, I should have done it differntly.Like you say, people want to help, to make them feel like they’re doing something to help you, so let them. If you need a nap-have one! If you are having any side effects from the Taxotere let me know, I may be able to help.
And there are times when what you need is to sob your socks down. Do that too. And laugh when you want, that’s allowed too.
I know, quite rightly all this will be blowing your mind, trying to be chipper for all those around you, when you want to scream, but take your time, and do it your way.
I wish you all the very, very best. One step at a time young lady!.

Thanks so much Janet and Heatherlou - pep talks v helpful. Am feeling a lot better- think this is to do with the sun finally shining! And also giving myself a break instead of trying to be on top of it all all the time.
Hope you are also having good days