Is his reaction normal?

Hi there all husbands/ partners
I’m the one with the BC, but I’m looking for some advice about my husband.
2 years ago I had a double mastectomy without reconstruction and from the moment the dressings came off he completely went off me. This isn’t my imagination or me losing confidence, I walked around naked, gave lots of hints about how I’d like to get close again and how much I missed him.
But he wouldn’t even look at me, let alone touch me.
We’ve been to counselling and he has said he loves me but the appearance of my chest “does nothing” for him. I’ve also put some weight on since starting tamoxifen and apparently my prosthetic boobs aren’t big enough.
I’ve waited 2 years. He says he’s now ok with how I look, but because he still struggles to look at me or touch me, I don’t believe him.
I can’t face reconstruction and I don’t really think it would help anyway.
Has anyone else felt like him and got through it? Or do you think that at 2 years things are unlikely to change?

Thanks for your insights.

Hi fenni11

Sorry that you havent had a response to your post yet.  You may find more response and support from other areas of the Forum, Moving Forward after breast cancer or perhaps the Sex and relationships private group. We know that many people find it difficult to talk about sex and relationships even though so many do experience issues and problems.

You may also find it helpful to speak with on of our speciliasts on the free Helpline, 0808 800 6000.

Best wishes
Digital Community Officer

Hi fenni11, I sorry you’re going through this at a time when you would expect things to be perhaps back to normal .


I really think that you need to sit down with your hubby and have an full, honest discussion. However it sounds as though he is really struggling with how you look after your ops and I don’t think that this will change after all this time. 


If that’s the case I’m sorry to say that I feel that you’ll have a hard decision to make regarding wether or not you want to stay in this relationship .


I also feel really angry at the way he has spoken to you and I think that he’s been very insensitive. As a man I would hope that I would cope a lot better than he has but I don’t know for sure that I would, I would certainly expect to have a lot more empathy than he appears to have though .


My wife almost had the same ops and my main concern was how she would recover mentally, not how I would view her physically. 


I hope you can work through all of this and that I’ve been of some help to you. 


Take care,