I am 21/2 years in amd on Tamoxifen. Apart from occasional fatigue and joint aches i feel pretty well.
I have been a carer for my son for 35 years but he moved into some supported accomadation 2 years ago . I felt i had to get him sorted. That has been a great success.
I am able to be me for the first time which is lovely. My cancer is always there in the back of my mind but it doesnt overwhelm me. I just feel this absolute need to be quiet. Avoid crowds ( even some friends), be at home and not get involved in so much. I do swim and garden and run a memory cafe so am not isolating myself . I cant quite put my finger on how i am feeling or whether it has anything at all to do with ny cancer journey. Has anyone else experienced this strange feeling of not quite belonging?
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Hi @gillid,
While I’m glad to hear you’re feeling well, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling a bit like you don’t belong.
I don’t think you’re alone in that feeling - it sounds like you’ve been through a lot with your diagnosis, and also trying to ensure that your son is safe and well cared for. From what I’m read from other posts on the forum, it can take longer than you think you to get back to your usual self - and you have also been through a massive change of no longer being a full time carer for your son, which will also take its own getting used to.
It sounds like you’re doing the right thing in not isolating yourself - just give yourself time. If you ever need someone to speak to, about what you’ve been through, or just anything, you can reach our nurses on 0808 800 6000. You might find it helpful to talk it through.
You might also find it useful to look into our Moving Forward courses which aim to give you the tools to manage life after finishing treatment for breast cancer Moving Forward | Breast Cancer Now
I hope you’re able to feel more like yourself soon, and you’re always welcome here at the forum.
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Hello there
Yes the not quite belonging I have felt that before - having had cancer does change you and you feel a bit different in yourself . If you haven’t done it already you could ask to do the Moving Forwards course which literally did help me to do just that and also see if there’s a local support group that you could join where you could speak to people who have gone through something similar . I can remember a few months after finishing treatment my friends invited me to go to Holland for a long weekend and I refused - psychologically I was convinced that I absolutely could and should not go - and I was kicking myself later .
However it’s been a big change for you to no longer be a full time carer and that may take some getting used to - that will have affected your sense of who you are to some extent . Previously when you were doing things maybe you were doing them for him - sometimes it’s easier to be brave if you’re doing things to help someone else rather than yourself .
I imagine it will feel quiet without your son at home but maybe you’re enjoying the peace and quiet ? It’s ok to do that as well you know. Having had a bit of experience of caring as well as being a Nurse I know I come home sometimes and am quite happy not to speak to anyone ! It is ok if you want to be quiet but if you feel that you need to be without wanting to or don’t have the confidence to do things then it might be a good idea to speak to your GP or BCN or McMillan perhaps who can offer free counselling . You have been through 2 major events , it would be surprising if it didn’t leave some sort of mark on you xx
yes, I get that feeling too…..I think for me it’s part of the ‘new abnormal normal’. I too keep away from too much noise and people and ‘stuff’….I just can’t be doing with it and yet I don’t fret about that, whatever works for me is my attitude. I have secondaries in my bones so although I am having drug therapy I know it won’t ever be cured. I am having to force myself to focus on me. I am 63 and it’s in the nature of older generations to think ‘selfish’ is wrong, younger generations say ‘self care’ so I am trying to practice self care without feeling ‘selfish’!! I do wish you well and be kind to yourself, everyday, and enjoy these beautiful spring days. I am off to the garden with a cup of coffee to stare at my little veg plot….because at this moment thats what I want to do! best wises to you.
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Thankyou. Lots of good wishes to you too.
Gill
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way for you to feel but cancer certainly does change how you feel about a lot of things. For me it caused some problems at first but in other ways it’s been liberating as I now find that I care less about what other people think . Some of us have found that we can’t bothered anymore listening to run of the mill conversations / little day to day annoyances are something that we have less patience with so maybe that ties in with you wanting to be quiet and avoid crowds . Working in a memory cafe although it will be rewarding it may also be emotionally demanding . I think it’s about you deciding what you want and if you think that you’re holding yourself back in some way or if you are content as you are . Sometimes after cancer it’s hard to get I to the mindset of planning ahead again xx
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