ITS NOT OVER
ITS NOT OVER Hi there Ladies
Just wanted to know if any of you have experienced your partners thinking that once treatment has finished that its all over and you can get back to normal!
I imagine some of you have.
Well I was asked the other day why I continued to suffer when i’ve been told i’m in remission. Its hard to explain to someone who has selective hearing. Yet again I got my folder out that has all the info and correspondence I have received to date and got my beloved to read it.
Amazing what you can achieve when you give them the facts. He’s had the facts before but every now and then he needs reminding.
I must admit that most of the time he’s been great but when he has a down day its the first thing he remembers. Life changes forever once you’ve been touched by cancer but it doesn’t have to be all bad. We do our very best to cope but we have to be strong for our families to. Thank god for this website.
If he has anymore problems I’m going to sit him infront of the computer and show him this site. He’ll never question it again will he!!!
Love you loads
BINNER xxxxxx
Agree Hi there,
I agree completely. In fact my hubby is shocked cos since chemo has finished I seem to be coping worse than when I was on it.
Did you watch that program where they dressed women to make them feel pretty and confident after cancer the other night? One had it 12 years ago and was still very emotional. She said it has changed her life for ever.
Sonya
didnt see it hello sonya,
no i didnt see that programme but the lady is right, it does change your life forever. We do our best to carry on as NORMAL but its not always possible, thats the time we need support, encouragement and lots of hugs from our other halves.
Take care of you
lots of hugs
Binner
hello Hi there,
I finished treatment last week (chemo/surgery/rads…now on tamoxifen)…and folk think i am better!!! All better now!!! I wish it were that simple…hubby and best mate are the exception.They both very preceptive and supportive.
But I swing from being elated, and free from hospital appts…to feeling low and touch tearful…and now having bad dreams as well…
Don’t get me wrong, …physically I feel great considering what has been thrown at me over past ten months…just a bit vunerable still perhaps??
X x x x
Hi Hi Girls
I finished treatment in April and I still get days when I feel that I can’t cope with it all. I think that today perhaps is the first time when I have gone through the day and not thought about the dreaded! I think that perhaps its only normal to experience different mood swings after what wev’e all been through, its just on those bad days we forget that and everthing just seems so black, yet on the good days when the sun is shining the world looks pretty good!
I too still have dreams and can get up 3/4 times during the night which doesnt help. I love it when people put their heads to one side and ask
‘so …how are you??’ You are looking really welll…how the hell should I look???
Anyway, try to enjoy the good days, and on the bad days know that there is a bunch of women who know EXACTLY how you are feeling and will
do their best to offer all the love and support that you need.
Love Debbie x
Hi all you brave women
This is my first post. Just waiting to start on my hormone therapy (tomorrow), having had my surgery & 30 rads. BTW i live in France, so no Macmillan nurses here! But the medical staff I have met here have been very good - all the doctors have spoken english, which helps a great deal. I have requested some counselling via email, but it’s 12 days now, and I’m still waiting…
My husband was a rock until I started on the rads - he just couldn’t get his head around how tired I was. We run a B&B, so July/August was NOT a good time to be so tired. Then my Brother-in-law died of lung cancer 4 months after diagnosis. I had known him since I was 8, so it was a HUGE blow (and he didn’t smoke). His frist grandchild (my great niece) was born a month after he died, on what would have been his 38th wedding anniversary. luckily I managed to be in th UK with my sister.
For a while my husband thought that more pills or a spell in hospital was the answer for my tears. I think we are on a more even keel now, but recently I discovered he had been confiding in his ex-girlfriend (one who still professes her love for him). That was a blow (we have been together for 7 years, not all plain sailing).
well, it feels better just to get all that off my chest to ‘anonymous’ people. Sometimes, I feel a very long way from home.
Thanks for listening to my moans & grumbles!
Here’s for a good day all round ladies.
agree Hi everyone
I came out of treatment chemo /rads no follow on drugs er pr her 2 neg grade3 . I feel totally the same What a year it has been and now i feel its oh that’s it you look well so get on with it if only it was so easy .I have been thinking maybe i should be moving on .
Even the consultant said we expect you to do well what is well 2 to 5 to 10 years do they really know and are they not telling us if only eh?
Sorry to go on a bit but most people just get on with their lifes and we are left with these emotions .
I know they say talk to someone and maybe I will but right now it’s still dealing with what has changed so much in my life appearance emotions and and thoughts of reacurrance though I should think positive we all have these thoughts I know.
maybe we should let some family members and friends read some of this and let them know what we really think from time to time .
I was even thinking as they think Im doing so well should I even be on this site who knows.
take care all
Will I ever forget Hi Girls,
I put on this brave face to the world that I’m ok and everything is fine and the majority of the time I am. I am quite a positive person anyway but there are times that I sit back and contemplate exactly what I’ve just gone through! and It’s like looking at another person in a different life. My only simily would be sitting on the back seat of a bus and watching the world go by!
I finished rads in June after chemo. To everyone around me I’m fine, my hair is growing (not fast enough tho!) I look healthy enough but do not yet have the all clear. That will come hopefully in a month. But because I finished treatment everything just assumes I’m ok, its just not the case!
I seem to be going hell for leather with my life, doing as much as I can and cramming it all in, but still feeling the after effects of treatment, the tiredness, soreness, trouble with my arm and sometimes depresssion/crying. I am worried I won’t get the all clear and have to go back through treatment again, worried about the financial implications as I now don’t get paid for being off sick or hospital appointments (my employer changed the contract when I got cancer, nice eh!)
My boyfriend of three years dumped me when I finished treatment and I have just begun dating again, will the new man stay by me or do a runner like the old one!
This website has been my saving grace. Just when you feel you are alone, you log on and you find out you are not!
I’m I always going to worry if it will come back? Will I ever get over this? Will I eventually feel better. I feel so many lumps and bumps in my breast and hope it hasn’t come back.
Having Breast Cancer has changed my life so much. The way I am, act and feel. I’m doing things I shouldn’t really do and experiencing things I would never have dared to do before but have this extremely cavaler attitude! You only have one life! and I’m living it like there is no tomorrow!
I’m so pleased I have all of you to share it with!
Love
Karen xx
for MollyG Hi MollyG
Just wanted to let you know that I am here in France also feeling a long way from home. Not sure if halfway through Herceptin counts as ‘After Treatment Has Finished’ or not.
I was interested in what you said about the counselling service you have found - I am getting a bit desperate to talk to somebody. Doctor has prescribed me Deroxat/Seroxat but after looking at the website concerning the product have decided against taking it.
If you ever want to talk, don’t hesitate etc…
Jane
for MollyG and janefrance Ladies, I know France is a BIG country, but you just might be within reach of Switzerland where I live. Based in Geneva is the English Speaking Cancer Association with a sub-group called Bosom Pals. I was diagnosed with DCIS last autumn and opted for a mastectomy. I heard about ESCA at the hospital in Geneva where I had the op, contacted them and they put me in touch with a woman who had had exactly the same op as I so she could answer all my “silly” questions. If either of you wants details of ESCA let me know. I’ve just been signed off after a last small op (the decorative bits). I didn’t have to have any other treatment. Physically I am feeling great (and apparently look it, too!), but mentally I have some problems like those being discussed in the DCIS forum right now. I get around France quite a lot so if you’d like to contact me, that would be great! Meantime, “bon courage”!
It gets better! Hi
I was diagnosed almost 4 years ago, been on tamoxifen 3 years and zoladex for 1 year. I recognise exactly the feelings that you describe and the frustration with other people’s attitudes that because you have finished chemo it’s all over and you can forget about cancer. Well it’s all over for them but for you the journey just got tougher. Now you have to face the fact that you had cancer without the comfort of frequent hospital visits to reassure you. It takes time but for those who have a positive end to this journey you will gradually reclaim your confidence, the fear will never go away completely but you will squash it back into it’s box. And you will have a perspective that those other people will never achieve, you know now how it feels to face the prospect of losing everything and now you know what (and who) really matters.
Good luck everyone
love J xx
Good & bad days… Hello Girls,
I take great comfort in reading your stories and am thankful im not going mad! I am now a year free from breast cancer. Which i must say has given me a spring in my step. I agree with that has been said on the outside we all may look great but on the inside feeling very scared and worried for what the future may hold. I guess one minute its like being om a rollar coaster! The day i finished my rads i felt so alone as it was like my safety net was now gone as i had to get on with my life.
I have to say life those get better and having been diagnosed with breast cancer has made me realise how precious life is. I know all my friends and family are fed up of me saying “life is for the living” . After finishing Chemo & Rads i confinced myself its over, little did i realise how tamoxifen and the zoledex would effect my life!
I have now started to accept that i was diagnosed with breast cancer and allow myself to have good times and deal with the bad days.
After all i am grateful that i found the lump and had the opportunity to have treatment.
Take Care
Therese xx
I have to admit my hubby is the best he has ever been. He was pretty horrid while I was going through chemo. Mostly because he had transport me to the treatments.
He refused to come into the chemo room or into the waiting area at rads, even though he knew I was afraid and upset.
However since then if I’m tired, he makes the tea or hoovers up - he has even came and collected the puppy and me when I could’nt walk home because of joint pain.
I wish he had been like this earlier in my treatments.
Gloxx
Hi all
I can only echo exactly what everyone else has said. It’s 18months on and no more treatments (triple negative, 2.7cm, aggressive Grade 3) but life is far from easy. My emotions and priorities are quite different from what they used to be, and I’m much more a risk taker and more focused (haven’t lost that feeling that time can suddenly be taken away from me).
Recently finished my relationship because my partner still doesn’t feel ready for kids (I’m 37, he’s 34). I have a ‘now or never’ attitude that I don’t know is good or bad, it’s just how I feel!
After the initial shock and then the busy-busy of chemo and rads, I wasn’t prepared for the emotional readjustment, and I’m only starting to come to terms with the immense feelings of loss and sadness that are just underneath.
My partner (we were dating long-distance at the time) refused to move 30 miles nearer to me during chemo (not the ‘right’ time for his career) and I don’t think I ever quite forgave him for that. All those nights alone not being able to sleep because of hot flushes/side-effects were really tough, and you don’t ever forget that someone refused to be there for you at a time when half your medical team didn’t think you’d make it!
What I found was how uncompromising cancer is, and how little ‘plans’ mean when you are fighting to live at all.
I think it does get easier, but I think it takes a lot of work. I found joining a gym has helped, and being more sociable than I was before.
best wishes
Tina xx
Me too! Hi Tina
Just wanted to say I’m pleased I’m not alone in this. I’m also triple neg, aggressive 2.9mm grade 3 with no node involvement. Diagnosed April 2005, lumpectomy in June, 6 mths chemo followed and finished rad Jan 06. Obviously no hormone treatment for me either. My first thoughts were “where’s my safety net” ?? After much research on internet about triple neg cancers I gave up looking on the advice of my Onc! Why do I always feel the need to look for answers?
They keep saying I’m doing really well. I had my mammogram in June (all OK) and have had 2 x 3 monthly check ups at clinic, the last one in Sept and I was told then that they were so pleased they didnt want to see me for 12 months!
I was initially elated with this but it doesnt stop me from thinking each time I get an aching back or legs, “is this it again?”
I suffer from time to time with joint pain, and can’t walk long distances as I once could - has anyone else experienced this? Sometimes I feel 79 not 49!
It is a very emotional journey but do you wonder when the worrying will all stop?
I am back in work full time which helps but I still get sleepless nights worrying, together with waking with hot flushes night after night. I fall asleep every night watching TV around 8pm, wake after about half an hour, then fall asleep again! This can happen 2 or 3 times before I eventually go to bed at 10!
I suppose it’ll take time and the recovery period is still ongoing but I hope all goes well for you too - there’s another new year on the horizon so we must keep optimistic.
Best wishes
Love
Bev xx
Me too.I was dx with 2.4 triple neg, grade 3 with one node involved Jan '04.Must admit I felt very much ‘out on my own’ when treatment finished.I was the only one I knew not on hormone treatment etc.Then fate took over- one family disaster after another. You name it I’ve gone through it over the past couple of years!Then I came to a quiet patch this Summer and was able to sit down and take stock!Suddenly I’d time to worry about my prognosis have a panic attack and go through all the emotions that should have hit me sooner …and do you know I found it all a waste of time. I wont let having breast cancer take over my life. I do my bit by eating healthily.I enjoy walking miles and keeping myself fit.I usually end up working like a navie in my large garden , or helping the men in the family -I’ve helped wire many a house(two while on chemo)By the way I, too had aches and pains all over the place after chemo. They gradually subsided but it took about 12 mths!My feet are still bad though as my toes are quite numb and sore.they’re getting slowly better but taking their time!..Here’s to life after chemo!
what happens now MY MUM HAS HAD SURGERY, CHEMO AND RADS LAST TREATMENT 6 WEEKS AGO. WE ARE GOING FOR HER FOLLOW UP APPOINTMENT ON WEDNESDAY.
I JUST WONDERED WHAT HAPPENS NOW. SHE IS FEELING MUCH BETTER AND LOOKING FANTASTIC!
SHE HAD A BONE AND LIVER SCAN DURING HER CHEMO WHICH WERE BOTH CLEAR. I AM FEELING VERY GENTLY OPTIMISTIC AND WANT TO CONTINUE TO BE THE BEST SUPPORT I CAN BE TO MY MUM.
ANY ADVICE?
What now? Hi Vanessa!
I don’t know how old you are but you are obviously very concerned about your mum and well done for being so supportive.
What happens now is…mum will feel better and stronger as each month goes by. You say she looks fantastic and feels well - I’m feeling the same 10 months on. I finished my chemo and radiotherapy in Jan this year and also had a liver and bone scan 3 months later as I had been complaining of a persistent cough. The scan was all clear and the cough disappeared a week or two later!
Everyone says how well I look, I’m constantly getting compliments and I feel well too. You must remain optimistic and supportive for mum as she may suddenly feel very tired for months to come as a result of all her treatment. I still get tired some days and very often go to bed at 8.30 pm! Other days I could climb mountains.
She just has to listen to her body and if she feels tired, then she must rest.
She’ll probably get 3 monthly check ups at clinic for a while, then 6 monthly and gradually annually. She will also have annual mammograms too. She will be well looked after, believe me!
I’ve only had 3 x 3 monthly check ups and they told me at my last one that they don’t want to see me for a year! That was great news.
Remember Mum probably had nearly a year of treatment so it will probably take another year of recovery after such a trauma.
My daughter is 15 and has been a great help to me too.
I really wish your mum well and I’m sure with such a loving, supportive daughter she’ll do absolutely fine.
Just always be there for her.
Love
Bev x
It’s a relief to find this thread.
mollyg, I’m also running B&B in France. Was diagnosed in 2004 just over a year after we came here. We’d just finished first season, money was tight. Couldn’t have come at a worse time. Over the next nine months I underwent treatment for DVT (side effect of bc combined with uterine fibroids), chemo, radical hysterectomy, mastectomy and rads.
We got through it all - somehow, and hubby now wants to put it all behind him and get on with life.
I can’t.
It’s exactly two years since the diagnosis, and just over one since I finished treatment. Everyone keeps telling me how well I look. I feel like s***. Every little thing reduces me to tears, and I’m depressed most of the time.
I’ve found that the French health service is great on the technical stuff but follow up and support are abysmal.
Tonight we’re cooking dinner for a lovely American couple who came twice during our first season and are back here for a week. They know about the breast cancer and of course they’re going to ask the inevitable questions. I just hope I don’t burst into tears all over the dinner table.
I hope to hell it gets better eventually.
MM