Hi all
I was diagnosed with BC last tues. I had a mammogram, biopsy and ultra sound in the one stop shop. My surgeon was lovely and although I have to go back for the histology and treatment plan tomorrow, was very clear with me that it was cancer, altough at this stage the sliver lining , if there is one, is that it is small and the ultra sound didn’t pick up any lymph node involvement.
I’m 48yrs old with two boys 19 and 15 and a loving but at the moment shell shocked husband. To make matters worse I am a nurse in a hospice, so you can imagine how my mind is working. I came away from the appt scared but fairly confident that it would be sorted however, as the days have gone on I feel completely terrifed and keep having these totally random thoughts about my funeral!
I am so worried that tomorrow when I go back to clinic, the surgeon will tell me it is far worse then he predicted,I am in a panic!!
Jane
Hi Jane
You are bound to worry but ‘talking’ to people here really helps. You’ve had no time to process the news and it’s still uncertain at the mo. I think its normal to veer between best and worst case scenarios. Be gentle with yourself and accept support from family if it helps.
Sending you virtual hugs
Dawn
Hello janeruth
Welcome to the forums, you’ve come to the right place for support as the users of this site have a wealth of experience and knowledge between them.
Whilst waiting for replies you may find it useful to contact our free helpline on 0808 800 6000, opening hours are Monday to Friday 9.00 – 5.00 and Saturday 9.00 – 2.00.
with best wishes
June, moderator
Thank you to everyone who sent comforting messages. I just can’t get my head round the fact that when i went to hospital 17 months ago with a lump and they sent me home saying the mammogram was normal - nothing to worry about!! I am hoping that I will soon wake up and all this is a nightmare. I don’t feel I can cope at the mo. I have thrown loads of clothes away, I’ve emptied drawers and thrown away things ive had for years -sentimental stuff thats of no value to anyone but me. Is this normal x
hiya jane , i was diagnosed on friday , like you i am 48 and mom to 3 girls of 22, 17 and 14 , they have told me also cancer is small but havent mentioned lymph nodes , going wednesday to find out what type and how to treat , they were talking surgery and radio friday , i wasnt as calm as you , i think it was just the word cancer , both my parents had died from it and i am simply terrified , am trying so hard to be positive and just going through the motions min by min , ill be fine then it hits again and i have a bit of a wobbly , got doc tonight to see if he can give me anything to help me sleep as my mind is refusing to allow me, how are you sleeping and eating , my appetite gone but thats because of the anxiety , ive always been a nervous person so nothing new really x
Hi Jane,
Its terrible the first month of diagnosis you think all sorts id buried myself a fair few times before i began to live again. Things are looking very good for you. Once treatment starts im sure you will begin to feel different. Must be extra hard when you work in a hospice, im lucky to be self employed breeding dogs and horses so i can escape into my own little world. Hope all feels different soon.
Sallie
just read your latest comments and yes perfectly normal i gave away 3 horses wish i hadnt now. I cleared cupboards just the same. I think we all panic and just do what we do to get through. Try not to get rid of things you might regret later.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS LADIES. i’VE NEVER BEEN ONE TO SHARE MY FEELINGS BUT BEING PART OF THIS FORUM IS SOMEHOW COMFORTING.
TRISH OUR PATHS SEEM SIMILIAR AND i WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD, LET ME KNOW HOW YOU GET ON. AS FOR EATING AND SLEEPING, IT’S ALL ABIT ERRATIC AT THE MOMENT. I CAN’T FACE A MEAL BUT AM TURNING TO CAKES AND BISCUITS, COMFORT EATING I GUESS. AS FOR SLEEPING, I HAVE TO RE HASH EVERYTHING A FEW TIMES BUT THEN SLEEP OK. X
hi jane , how are you today ? doc gave me some sleeping tablets yesterday but i felt this terrible urge to get out last night , some me time with other half , consequently i had a few drinks so couldn`t take pills but will tonight , today is countdown to results and am praying the biopsy contained enough tissue to diagnose , he said because tumour small it may not and i may have to have another with wire ? its this awful waiting that drives me mad ,at least when diagnosis is in place we know what dealing with and can begin the fight , i really hope you are ok and you have now got your treatment plan in place x
Hi Trish and all, I think the appt with consultant today went ok. Yes I have a ductal cancer grade 3 but he is confident that there will be a positive outcome and that I will be ok which was reassuring. I have to have a lumpectomy and follow up, ? radiotherapy although he wont know until it’s out. The only problem is that I have to wait about 3 weeks for the op and I really don’t like the thought of it inside me for that long. The doc says that studies have shown it doesn’t make any difference to the outcome so I guess I just have to trust him.
Trish, I saw that you couldn’t get a diagnosis today, so sorry, just hang on in there you will get the answers soon i’m sure. Hope you have a better night x
its the waiting that drives us mad , on the plus side (if there is one) you know know what you are dealing with so get them positive thought going , its treatable and you are in the best possible hands , i think keeping busy is the key but i haven`t got my head round that , seem to spend a lot of my time day dreaming lol xxx
Hi - mainly to Janeruth
I am I think your doppleganger (in some ways anyway). I am very anxious and nervous when it comes to anything medical. I am a police officer and I have seen some very gross things in my 24 years of service but a doctor tell me I am having a blood test and I am on the floor out cold! They have a special note on my file at my GP surgery that they will need at least three nurses. Oh and did I mention my veins disappear totally so actually it takes about an hour to get a drip out large enough to carry out a test. Can you imagine how I took the news that I would need some SURGERY!!! However I have got through it and I had to have a blood test. Mind you the anaethetist did give up on the drip thingy and gave me gas and air to send me off which was very nice of him. All I focused on before the surgery was the surgery. Then after that I started to think about the result although I pretty well knew what it was going to be because the specialist was very confident (and he turned out to be correct). Whilst waiting for the surgery I went to see my GP many times as I was obviously suffering from everything else under the sun too. However she was able to reassure me that this was not the case but it is very normal to think like this. As it so happens I have been going to my GP to find out about some lower back pain which has turned out to be nothing more than general unfitness and stress related. I had had some blood tests during this process which all showed nothing abnormal so deep down I knew I was being daft but I could not help it. I too also hated the fact that there was this monstrous thing stuck on my chest and I could not wait to be rid. All the time both my GP (who I found out started out as a breast care nurse and then retrained as a doctor with an interest in breast cancer so is very knowledgeable) and specialist had been saying that this is extremely treatable and that I will recover from this and go on to live a normal life. What I have decided is that I will go on to live a different life because I am determined this is not coming back so as per my previous posts I have started already and that in itself is making me feel better and more in control. What I won’t be changing though is my medicinal glass of red wine each night! Oh and its also normal to have nightmares that once they take it out it just goes and grows back again in an instant - but it hasn’t.
thanks for your words and encouragement, it is really good to hear of other people with the same story, hope you continue to improve, do you need any follow up treatment?
jane
Hi Jane- I was dignosed yesterday with lobular B/C, dont know the grading yet… I know how u are feeling. I sat today and wondered who would be at my funeral, tidied drawers out and put the insurances in the 1 folder. So we are going mad together.
I have to get chemo before a mastectomy but that is all i know at this point. I would never normally go on a forum but it is helping me as you can blab all this stuff that we cannot say to our family.x
Hi ladies,
Sorry to hear your recent news, but yes, it is perfectly normal to be ‘tidying things up’ and just generally trying to keep occupied whilst waiting on results or treatments. Hard to lose the odd morbid thoughts that creep in unexpectedly too. I also had lobular bc early this year and completed mx with reconstruction followed by tamoxifen.I busied myself knitting friend’s cardie and cooking and freezing meals for OH and son for when I was in hospital (bless, they kept setting off smoke alarm with their own efforts!)It is a bewildering and scary ‘journey’, but try not to worry too much. From dx to end of treatment you can find time goes in really quickly and your bc nurses will arrange most of your appointments and follow ups for you, which helps alleviate some of the stresses. Likewise, I had never used a forum before, but have benefited from the support on this site. I have also tried out some of the fab recipes on one of the threads, which has led to a new-found hobby too, as cooking was never one of my strengths.
hi Jane I too work in a hospice and until I went off sick on Friday I passed the sign daily “caring for the terminally ill” . I had a wle and sentinel node biopsy yesterday. home an sore but glad that is one step further in this journey which I know will be an 18 month one at least with chemo, radio and herceptin. one thing to remember is that we nurse only end of life not the thousands of women that get well. I have nurse friends with a n oncology background who are so much more confident in
my recovery than I am. I waited a
month for surgery due to bank holidays and it was a frantic month of worry no sleep and funeral planning. now things have started I feel much better. you will get thro
it but I honestly know your worries with regards to your job x
I was in your situation 5 weeks ago.
Wednesday the Biopsy, and Friday back to decide the careplan.
I am now 9 days after MX and returning for Sentinal Node results tomorrow.
Keep positive, thats what has kept me going, I AM POSITIVE I AM GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.
The surgeon offered me all 5 alternatives as mine was caught early. But I didnt want the bother of radio or chemo so decided on the works.
If you want any info about the surgery or recovery please get back in touch.
Also I am in the Durham Area, where are you?
went back to work yesterday and although it was hard to see everyone I think it was a good idea. It does fill up the time and there are actually short periods of the day when i’m not thinking about ‘it’ and then of course it all comes crashing back in on me. I’m trying to stay positive and I do believe this is beatable, it is just so overwhelmingly daunting at times. it is so good to read how everyone on the same journey as me is doing and how well everyone is coping.
Just thought I would say hello to you all, reading what you have written as really taken a hold on me, cos a few months ago i was doing the same. i am sorry that you have to be here but it is the best place to be now you are in this position as I have found out.There is always someone who has the same or similar physically and emotional things that u wana get off ur chest and is a totally different support that u get from family and friends, all just as important but we need different support and they all work together to complete the picture. Please also remember to phone the helpline they are a great team and I found them very comforting at the beginning before i got to grips with the forums. My love and positive thinking to all of you, please feel free to ask me anything at all at any time, keep smiling, stay positve but do be kind to yourself and have a good cry too, its not a bad thing to do it gets it all out of your system recharges your batteries - we all cope in different ways and thats the thing about this, no matter what we are still ourselves. Silvershar xxxx
Hi silvershar, where are you at along your journey, you sound experienced at this game x