I was diagnosed with primary breast cancer last week and later this week I am having to have a bone scan, liver scan and chest xray to ascertain whether or not the cancer has spread as my lymph node is also infected. I am trying to stay upbeat and positive. My 40th birthday is later this month and I have a three year old daughter. I am so scared that the cancer has spread to other parts of my body and that I will not be able to fight it. I so want to see my little girl grow up. I am tying not to feel sorry for myself as I know there are lots and lots of people in the same position and worse. As I am awaiting for the further scans every cough or ache or pain that I have makes my mind race that the cancer has definitely spread - I know that this is not logical at all but I cannot stop myself thinking it.
Hi Penny
The thoughts you are having are completely normal. When I was diagnosed in May, age 35, I suddenly felt ill and so tired. I suppose I am one of the lucky ones, and although my cancer had spread within my breast my node biopsy was negative. I will be finishing chemo in December and will then have a bilateral mastectomy but I can’t stop thinking that the cancer may now have spread to my nodes. It is quite irrational but we are entitled to think in that way. The only thing I can say is take each day as it comes and continue to stay positive. Try not to waste negative energy - easier said than done, I know. I appreciate that my post may not help but want you to know that I will be thinking of you.
I pray that your scans are clear and send you some of my positive vibes.
Carly x
Dear Carly
Thank you for your message of support, it has certainly lifted my spirits and has been of great help to me. I will try and keep my thoughts positive and thank you for the positive vibes. I hope and pray that your chemo has worked for you and that all will be well once this has finished and that it has not spread. My thoughts are with you on this one and I pray that all will be okay. When in December do you finish your chemo? Would you mind if I asked how you coped with the chemo and what effect it had on you?
Penny
xx
Hiya Penny
I was diagnosed with Grade 3 BC last December. Had lumpectomy in January and finished 6 months of chemo in August, followed by 3 weeks of rads. The waiting between diagnosis and treatment is the scariest and what you’re feeling is completely normal, I used to wander around the supermarket looking at people and thinking ‘they don’t know I have cancer’. My youngest son is 10 and I remember looking at him and thinking ‘I can’t not be here for him’, basically I was a wreck! Once I knew what I was facing treatment wise, I suddenly turned into the most upbeat, positive, strong person ever, where it came from I don’t know, but reading other posts, I’m not alone in this. Yes, you are very scared now and feel like you don’t know which way to turn, but I promise you sweetie, you WILL find that inner strength and will face everything head on. It might not be easy, but you can do it (I was absolutely dreading chemo, but it was fine, nowhere near as scary as I imagined). You’ll probably shed a few tears along the way, but you’ll also have a lot of laughs (especially with a 3 year old lol). The main thing is be kind to yourself, drink wine, eat chocolate, do whatever gets you through it - because you WILL get through it.
Big hugs darling
Julie xxx
Hi Julie
Many thanks for the wonderful words of support, I am trying to stay strong and upbeat but it is now just the waiting until Thursday when I have the other scans and then at least I know what I have to face in so far as whether or not the cancer has spread to other parts As you say it is the waiting. I also cannot wait (sounds very strange and daft) to get on with the treatment so that I know that something is happening and what battle I must face.
How are you doing with regard to your treatments? I hope that all is going well for you.
Thank you for being so kind
Penny
xxx
Hi Penny
Welcome to our forums, I am sure you will find them a great help and get lots of support here. I’m just posting now to let you know of a few things you might find helpful, here is a link to a booklet for anyone recently diagnosed, it will provide you with information about your diagnosis and treatments you may undergo: breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/bcu06_web_0.pdf You are also very welcome to contact our confidential helpline on 0808 800 6000 which is run by breast care nurses and people who have had personal experience of breast cancer and so will have an understanding of how you are feeling at the moment. The helpline opening times are Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.
Best wishes
Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Hi Penny
I was diagnosed in June (day before my sons 8th birthday !) grade 3 invasive cancer with lymph nodes involved, i had a body scan and the tests were clear, but i still worry it has spread !! we all get feelings of despair and worry but it is so true you will find the strength and you will get through the chemo us mums are made of strong stuff ! i have a little girl also she is 4 and just started school in september, she is very funny and very exhausting ! listen to your body and rest when you need to , its a bit of a journey but there are lots of lovely people here to hold your hand. Enjoy your 40th, treat yourself
big hugs
galenx
Hi Penny,
I am glad you found this site, but I am more sorry that there is a need to join us. As another lady once said, a club nobody wants to join. I started posting in September, I wish I had found the site two years previously when first diagnosed.
The start of my journey sounds pretty much like yours. Its good to see you want to stay upbeat even under difficult situations.
I agree with the other ladies, the future although quite worrying and with treatment tiring, there is definitely a future. Many ladies and gents on this site have been posting for sometime, I am sure they will add to the support in this thread.
There is treatment out there, you will probably want to find out as much as you can about the future, I think you should be able to take control of the treatment available to you but can I offer a word of advice. Don’t read too much or too deep at this stage, I did and frightened myself silly.
I hope the scan is clear for you, the waiting is in my opinion far worse than the treatment so hang in there, keep in touch.
Kindest regards to you and the family
Carol
Hi Galen
Thank you for your message of support, everyone that has replied to me have been so encouraging and supportive and I am so glad that I have found this site. I am really pleased to hear your news that your body scan and tests were clear that is brilliant news. I must say my three year old is quite entertaining - I say 3 going on 33. Sometimes she seems so old fashioned it is quite amusing and like yours, no doubt, keeps us on our toes.
I would also wish to apologise for the delay in replying to your message but I am using the works computer as I do not have one at home and this is the first chance that I have had of replying to you.
Big hugs back.
Penny.
Hi Carol
Again, I would wish to apoloigse to you for taking so long to reply to your wonder message of support but I do not have computer at home and I have been using my work one and this is the first opportunity of today that I have had chance of thanking you.
The support and encouragement received from people responding to me including yourself has been tremendous and has certainly lifted my spirits and I am so glad that I found this site.
I must say that I agree with you about reading everything - I started to do that and again went off on a tangent and thought I was going to die within days - irrational stupid whatever else you can thing of to say, I would agree and that is why I have now to a degree stopped reading things.
As you say the waiting is awful - I just want to get on with everything so it seems like I am doing something. I apperciate that the time scale does not make any difference but sometimes you cannot help yourself thinking that it will make a big difference and that the treatment should begin immediately. Now I am counting down the days to Thursaday when I have the other scans and I am just hoping and praying that they are clear.
I note that you indicate that you were diagnosed two years ago - how are you are doing, have your finished your treatments?
Best wishes to you.
Penny
Hi Penny
Just wanted to say a big welcome to this site - but sorry you’ve had to join us. Since being diagnosed back in April, I’ve found it to be absolutely invaluable - the girls on here are fab and you really feel you’re amongst friends.
I was 41 when I was diagnosed (3 weeks before my birthday), and I’m married with two girls, aged 14 and 10. To say we were all devastated was an understatement ! The first couple of weeks were the worst, having scans, telling people, and waiting for results. Thankfully, all I had to deal with was the main tumour in my breast and infected lymph nodes.
I had 8 sessions of chemo (which worked fantastically and the tumour completely disappeared), followed by a mastectomy and lymph node removal on 3rd October. My radiotherapy starts on 26th November, and then I’ll have a year of herceptin. I’m not complaining though - they can throw anything they like at me as long as “IT’” has gone.
I think I exhausted the internet/books too at first, and convinced myself that I couldn’t possibly get through the next few months, but somehow I gained this inner strength and found myself becoming more positive each day. I have to say, keeping a sense of humour has certainly helped me - and my family.
Penny, I wish you all the very best - this is such a scary time for you, but remember we’re all here for you whenever you need us.
Take care, and keep posting so we know how you’re doing !
Love & hugs
Julie xxx
Hi Penny,
I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us but ‘welcome’ to this most awesome site. Rest assured you’re in good company here. I was diagnosed in March, age 34. I had a right mastectomy and total axillary clearance a week after diagnosis. My tumour was grade 3 and I had extnesive lymph node involvement. That said, I’ve had various tests and scans since and they have all shown no evidence of further spread. I know they are not always conclusive but that’ll do for me for now!!
I had chemo May - Oct and started rads and Tamoxifen last week. Next its a years worth of Herceptin for me! Phew!!! They’re throwing everything at this little bu**er and I’m not complaining!!
I wish you well as you start out on this journey. We all now how horrid it is waiting for tests and results so I can totally empathise with you there! I do hope all goes well with your forthcoming tests, be surr to let us know how how get on,
Take care.
Kelly
-x-
Hi Again Penny
You asked how I am now.
Well I am feeling really well and very positive. I don’t want to worry you, look on what I am saying as positive. I originally had a lumpectomy and 8 nodes cleared Jan 06, one was cancerous. I then went on to have chemo and radiotherapy. In December 06 I felt another lump in my armpit so in Jan 07 I was given a total lymph node clearance. Only the one node was cancerous. I had no follow up treatment because I do not have hormone related cancer. In August I felt another lump in my breast and so in September I had a mastectomy.
I have recovered quickly and well and expect to have chemo in a couple of week’s time. Please don’t think because my cancer returned yours will automatically follow suit. I would be lying if I said I haven’t planned my funeral, but those thoughts have been fleeting and usually when I am waiting for results. Honestly I have had far more positive days than negative, my life has only been disrupted during chemo and then only one week in three over six months. I have had very little time off work - but then I really love my job and look forward to returning on Monday.
As I said there is treatment, a future and lots and lots of support.
I have posted these quotes before but I will again for you:
Never miss a Rainbow or a sunset because you were looking down.
From ‘Share the Hope’
and
When you get into a tight place
and everything goes against you till it seems
as though you can not hold on a minute longer,
never give up then,
for that is just the place and time the tide will turn.
Harriet Beecher Stowe
I’ll be thinking of you on Thursday
Carol
Hi Penny,
Only just picked up on your thread, hope you’re feeling okay, hope the scans went well. I was diagnosed at beginning of Sept this year and have had mastectomy and complete node clearance and just had my second chemo, yesterday. I remember so vividly those first few weeks of hospital appointments, biopsies, scans, ultra-sounds etc and feeling so worried I couldn’t eat and completely out of control - but, once my treatment plan was sorted, once I knew how we were going to tackle this I did start to feel better.
When I felt really down I posted on this site and as you’ve already found there is so much support, common sense and love out there! and I also have found my breast care nurse to be fantastic - not just for practical advise, but just to listen to my worries on a bad day!
I’m sure once you know what you’re doing treatment wise you can start and feel stronger about it, if there is anything I can offer advise wise, let me know, otherwise, just sending you loads of cyber hugs!!!
Lots of love,
Louisa xx
ps am 44 (don’t often admit that!) with three children 16, 10, 9
Hi All
Thank you all for being so supportive and for getting me through the last week or so - the amount of comfort that I have obtained is wonderful. Again, though I must apologise for not responding to you sooner but as explained, I do not have a computer at home (I was banned as my husband accused me of being a workaholic and that I did enough hours at the office without being able to work at home as well) and I have been off for a couple of days from work. I had my liver scan, chest x-ray and bone scan last Thursday together with blood tests. Both the gentleman and lady who carried out my liver scan and bone scan told me there and then that it all seemed okay and nothing to worry about - I was so grateful for this. Yesterday, I had the hospital for the official results of my scan and to be given my treatment plan. I very very lucky to be able to report that all my scans and blood tests were okay. I start my chemo on December 3rd. Now knowing dates etc I seem to be in more of a positive frame of mind and can see forward.
I wanted to send everyone cyber hugs and love for being so supportive and taking the trouble and time to respond to me and for putting me at ease during their difficult times.
Lots of love
Penny
xx
ps. By the way Louisa, I am 40 on Saturday.
Hi everyone - sorry I have not been active for so long but the last few months have proved to be somewhat difficult. I started the fec chemo on Dec 3rd and was extremely lucky in so far as I did not suffer too many side effects and I was able to continue working full time during this period. Between my third and fourth chemo I had a further scan which showed that the cancer in my nodes had been reduced but the tumour itself had not shrunk (not grown either) and then they decided to change my chemo to I believe to be the Tax and I must say I have suffered every side effect of this chemo that you can. I have tried to stay as postive as possible but it has been difficult during this chemo. Especially as I thought I was on the penultimate chemo and then they told me they were changing me over for another four sessions. I appreciate that they are only doing what is best for me but it was hard and I have found it hard to keep going and to stay positive during this course of chemo. I have another session next Monday which again will be the penultimate if everything goes to plan. I lost all my hair at the end of December which I can honsetly say did not bother me but what I have found difficult to cope with is the weight gain. I have put on nearly two stone since I started the chemo. I know I should not complain but sometimes I cannot help but moan. I hope every one else is doing well.
Hi Penny,
Just noticed your thread,saw that you had all the normal fears that we all had.
Hope your coping well,difficult though is’nt it,i was diagnosed July last year and had the op on August 6th,i’m 50 with a little girl almost 4yrs old,single Dad aswell so i had the same thoughts as you about hoping to see her grow up,i still have the odd silly thought and feel i could kick myself for telling her off.
I’m on tamoxifen for five yrs and had to have rads for three wks,look on our threads for the men,we dont get many posts but all the ladies are very helpful and do care about us(lol).
I do hope Carol gets back to you she is wonderful and very supportive.
Anyway i do hope all goes well for you and your family
all the best and take care
Lance xx