Just been told I have mets in hip


firstly I feel a bit bad posting after reading posts from many of you who are so much younger than me and have much younger families.

im 54 (just) was originally diagnosed with stage 3 her2 ER +. In June 2017, later told I was BRCA2 had double mastectomy, ovaries removed and reconstruction… been having back hip pain for months, GP put it down to arthritis or bad posture due to working from home. Fast forward things got worse, had to go to my private health care provider for MRI scan which has shown metastatic area on my hip, had bone scan last Friday, blood tests Monday and CT scan yesterday. I’m working between NHS and private getting scans done wherever is quickest. I’m terrified, never been as scared in my life as I am now, can’t eat , can’t sleep. Trying to keep news from my 2 sons, aged 30 and 25 , youngest only engaged 2 weeks ago. I don’t want to break their hearts and ruin their Christmas. My husband is in total denial and angry (we have only been married 7!years) .  I’m a planner and control freak and just can’t cope. I coped do well last time, did all my treatments myself as I am fiercely independent but already I’m losing my independence, struggling to walk , shower, function with pain.  
Sib x 

Hi Sib, sorry you find yourself here but there is light at the end of the tunnel, really there is, and many people live pretty normal lives for years with bone mets.   You don’t have to suffer restricting pain, your GP should sort out pain meds for you.  Do you have a specialist nurse?   She/he can be a great source of support and advice and can refer you for counselling and to a pain specialist nurse if necessary.   I felt my life had been taken over by the endless hospital appointments when I was diagnosed but it does get better and now I go once a month which is very doable and carry on pretty much as before.   I am sure other people will come on to offer support and practical suggestions.   All the best


Hi Sib , I’ve been diagnosed lately also with mets to hip and spine… in the middle of the treatment for primary. I haven’t told my teenagers of the secondary development, they know I have breast cancer. The way I look at this, and as Catokitty says, folks are living for years nowadays with the treatments available, and I don’t want to break their hearts either, not until such time when I absolutely have to…at the moment I’m leading a normal life and returning to work after Christmas. Take care and hope you get the pain sorted out xx 


Hi Sib,

Im so sorry to hear this after everything you’ve been through. I’d be angry too and I am angry with my secondary first time diagnosis at 37. Anger is very normal- I went to the GP twice with breast pain and she dismissed it and made me wait, I feel it spread whilst I was waiting so I’m pretty angry and have put a formal complaint into GP- I needed to do it for me- I waited a year but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I have pain in pelvis and spine and I am on Naproxen, same amount as you and I take Longtec and have shortec to top up if I need it but I try not to take it. I was given morphine at the start too and took it once which knocked me out, then on tablets, then on way too much codine! I’m not sure if GP’s totally understand- they hear secondary cancer and go straight for the ‘good’ stuff! Lol! The longtec is slow release so suited me better than taking pain killers all the time! I know it’s scary- I’m now a year into treatment. Not curable but treatable and as others have said, people are living longer and longer. I’ve had quite a bad few days emotion wise and I’m just coming out of it again. I don’t have children so can’t help there sorry but my family have been there for me. I swithered whether to tell my younger brother everything but decided to in the end so he was in the loop and had time to process. You know your kids and will know what you want to do. I think it’s important to process it a little yourself first before you have other people’s feelings and emotions to deal with as I found that exhausting on top of my own at the start but that’s just me! Everyone’s different! Hope scans go well! 
Jo xx

Hi Sib

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but don’t feel bat about posting on here, we all need support and understanding no matter what age we are.

Please don’t suffer from pain unnecessarily, you need your sleep and rest, you need be pain free for that. Morphine won’t make you addictive, same as Tramadol, which counts as addictive drug. However, not everyone can use all drugs just because we are all different. I can’t take coding, gives me very bad stomach pai; have heart palpitations,sleepiness and feel sick from tramadol, but oral morphine is very tolerable for me. Plus, when treatment will start, you most likely won’t need any painkillers.

Also, I know how hard it is to cope in your situation, as a mum you always think about your children first, always ready to shield them from everything. I have a son, and I try not to break his heart too, he is only 10 years old. I plan to explain to him may be next year, to give him time to adjust to the thought, because cancer is so unpredictable, I don’t want him to have a shock and not able to comfort him.

I live with metastatic cancer from November 2016. I have metastases in both hips, pelvis and spine. I hope you’ll get results back soon and will know what the situation is. Sending big hugs.

Olga xx