Want to get this off my chest so to speak! Am I the only one that’s knackered and to be more specific, far too knackered to think of the opposite sex? Two years since I finished radiotherapy after lumpectomy,chemo, node removal and removal of kidney. Found a job cleaning 10 hrs a week two months after radiotherapy and 4 months after surgery and went back to afternoon job too.Presently have 5 different cleaning jobs totalling 22 hours a week so lucky enough to work part time seeing as how I’m on my own.I can do all this but often knackered quite honestly.Anyway, have one or two friends and acquaintances who can’t believe that as I’m single…have been 10 years…I’m not off dating men willy nilly, playing the field etc.Not only do I not feel the same about my body- how it now looks and behaves- fatter, crampier,achyer, DRYER? I’m too knackered just getting through the days with its flushes and other challenges to even think about relationships or sex! I had my moments before cancer but that seems to be way back in my mind now.I can’t explain to people that it has changed me and I’m not just "all better " now.I can’t be the only one surely?
Hi Treeze, you may want to join the private group to discuss sex. You may get more responses there: forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Sex-and-relationships-private/gp-p/Sexrelationship
Sweety
It’s okay to not want to date anybody, especially since it’s been a really tough time in your life and you might not feel mentally read or stable enough to get back into the whole dating arena, It took me a while to get into the whole dating game after my surgery too. I was scared and insecure and thought that it will be all wrong for me. You need time and you just have to build up your confidence. Start small and go from there, like a coffee with someone or just a lunch break. It will help. I also read a lot of self-help books and combed through the internet to see any advise. While at it I found this really good website that has a lot of into on the whole dating experience that helped me understand what I want from the whole thing in general and what I can contribute and where to look for perspective partners.
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You can check them here: idateadvice.com/chinas-mail-order-brides-work
It took me a long time (and a divorce) to really feel capable of getting involved with men again.
I still struggle with the fact that I have gone through massive alterations to my body and they aren’t the sort of thing that it is easy to explain to a new bloke in your life. You don’t want to seem presumptuous by mentioning it too early, just to be told that he didn’t have to know that as he wasn’t thinking about sleeping with you anyway but you don’t want to let things go on too long and let him have too many expectations when you know that the reality might not be so easy.
Also, when you are permanently exhausted your priorities are a little different. - really seductive thoughts are more likely to be about a comfy sofa or a really nice cup of tea!
It doesn’t mean that you are done for either emotionally or sexually. You can get back in the game whenever you feel ready. I did for a bit. Then I went back to being more concerned with getting from one end of the day to the other.
Now I’m getting through cancer number 2 and I will get back to thinking about men when I am good and ready and not a moment sooner!
x