I was diagnosed when my daughter was 13 months. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be with a 7 week-old. One benefit, however, is that at this age kids have no concept of what is going on so you don’t have to explain anything to them.
If I was to give you any advice it would be to look after yourself over the next few months and rest as much as you can. You will feel guilty, as I did, because you feel you are not spending the time with your children that you would like to. But kids are resilient and bounce back. I finished my treatment 4 months ago and I can honestly say my daughter is neither up nor down because of it. I still have pictures of myself when I was bald and she just laughs and says, “Baldy mummy.”
I know it is hard to see it now but I feel my experience has made me a better mum because I appreciate her so much more.
Now I’m more likely to stuff the housework in favour of just playing with her.
Hope you are feeling OK today. I know how you feel with the despair and emotional side, having children in one way makes so hard, cos so scared not going to be around to see them, but on the other and more positive side, they keep you going, make you smile and laugh and want to enjoy them. Even though some days not got much energy, just seeing my 8 month old standing up with anything and everything, and my 3 year old trying to sing and dance makes me smile and know that I have got so much to fight for and want to fight for.
As Lola says, rest when your body tells you, that is what I am trying to do, hard some days, but trying to listen to my body. I have only just started chemo last week, so quite a way to go and have had a few bad days this week with emotions, but trying to pull myself together and be strong.
Glad you had a good time away, and hope you are OK today.
I’m glad to hear you managed to get away to Wales for a few days. I did the exact same thing after being first diagnosed and it was weird cause it all felt ‘normal’ but then not, if you know what I mean?
Anyway, I hope you are enjoying your weekend as best you can, as I’ve no doubt your forthcoming scan results are playing on your mind. I know what I’m like whilst waiting for various results and stuff, I’m not nice to be around I’m afraid but thankfully everyone is used to that now!!!
I wish you well for your results on tues. I shall certainly be thinking of you and keeping my fingers and toes crossed!
Dreamcatcher - the bone scan is really ok. You get injected with some sort of radioactive dye then have to go off for a couple of hours. During this time you should drink as much water/fluids as poss as this improves the quality of the scan. They strap you to a bed (not as scary as its sounds) and the bone scanner camera type thing goes over you, it gets v.close to your face but not for long and its fine if you keep your eyes shut. I then when into a little tube, more like a ct scanner and NOTHING like an MRI scanner. The whole scan took around 30 mins and I was asleep the whole time!! I just imagined I was on a sunbed and drifted off. My boyfriend was outside and reckons he heard me snoring, but I’m hoping he was just winding me up!!
Just wanted to say that I completely understand what you mean when you say you feel so sad but that, as everyone else here has said, it will get better and you will find great support from the people on this site.
I was diagnosed at the beginning of June and, like you, have a Grade 3 tumour (hormone and Herceptin positive). Thankfully no lymph nodes involved, just waiting on the results of a bone biopsy from a tumour they’ve found in my leg (keeping my fingers tightly crossed that this is benign). I had just found out I was pregnant when I was diagnosed but was unfortunately unable to keep the baby, which was really the worst part of all of this for me. I am, however, very lucky to already have a wonderful 18 month year old.
Most people I speak to ask whether I feel angry about getting BC but I’ve never felt angry about any of this, just very sad. I’d be lying if I said every day was a good one now but I’m certainly coping okay and that’s mainly thanks to my husband and little boy. At the moment I’m on crutches (from the bone biopsy) and still have a bad arm from surgery and it’s a bit tough watching other people look after my little boy when I want to be the one doing it but I’m finding that I’m able to do more than I thought and, importantly, I can still enjoy a good cuddle, book and playtime with my little boy, which does more for my self esteem than anything.
Ultimately, the way I’m trying to look at it is that, while hugely frustrating, this treatment won’t last forever and by going through it I will give myself the best chance of being able to enjoy many years ahead of watching my little boy grow up. You will get through this.
I was really glad to see from your last post that you’re feeling more positive. Best of luck with the CT and bone scan results – will keep my fingers crossed for you.
My bone scan was slightly different to Kelly’s. I had to lie on a table and this machine slowly worked its way from my head to my toes and then went underneath the table and back up from the toes to my head, but they were apparently getting a new machine the following week. Was not strapped on, just had to lie very still. Was OK and not scary. The injection did not hurt either, and as Kelly said, allowed to eat and drink as normal.
Hope your results are good on Tuesday and will be looking out for your post.
Hi
So sorry to read about your diagnosis. My family are a lot older than yours but the whole process since diagnosis has gone in a flash. I was diagnosed a year ago now and had 6 chemo then surgery then 20 radiotherapy and am now on Arimidex for the next five years. My family and friends have been amazing but they all keep telling me how wonderful I have been. Not easy sometimes but hopefully the worst is over now and I am due to go for first repeat mammogram at the beginning of September so just have to continue to remain positive. My hair is now coming back thick and fast and I even had it trimmed two weeks ago.
Please stay positive and try to take each treatment as it comes and then move on I think that is how I coped by having a plan and trying to stick to it
Speak again
Suzie B
Danni -the bone scan itself was fine, I just had to lie very still on a really narrow table and the machine just passed over -lasted about 20 minutes. The radioactive injection in the morning was horrible though -it didn’t really hurt, just the thought of it especially as I haven’t had any chemo or anything yet so it was the first ‘horrible chemicals’ being put into me that I didn’t like, felt like the start of it all really. When is your bone scan?
Also, me and my husband just felt very worried all day about it and terrified that the cancer could be somewhere else.
I get the results tomorrow so will let you all know.
I’m feeling so much more positive the last couple of days though and a fighting spirit is coming through!!! I had my hair cut really short today and I love it -really pleased I did it so it won’t be so much of a shock when it starts to come out and my little boy loves it -keeps feeling my hair and laughing.
I’m ready now to start it all -can’t believe its only 2 weeks since diagnosis and all the emotions we’ve been through and the steep learning curve!! Its like having to go on a crash course in something you have no interest in whatsoever!!
Anyway -here’s to the start of a year of fighting this thing.
I got my results yesterday and bone scan and ct scan were both clear so big relief for us all.
Saw my oncologist for the first time and now have a treatment plan -starting chemo tomorrow 4x AC and 4 x Taxol every two weeks. Scary stuff but can’t wait to get started now. Unbelievable that its only 2 weeks since diagnosis and I’ve gone from hating the idea of chemo to wanting to get started straightaway!!
I made her laugh by saying that its like taking a crash course in something you have absolutely no interest in at all! Wish I didn’t have to know all these new words etc … but there you go …
Fabulous news about your scans - that is wonderful. I am not on same treatment as you with regards to chemo as on 3 x FEC and 3 x taxotere every 3 weeks. I started last week and have to say was not as bad as I had feared and now I know that am fighting back it has made me more positive.