Just diagnosed and have young baby and toddler

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I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma on Tuesday with lymph node involvement and am so scared about the future. My primary tumour is just 1.8mm but is Grade 3 and has spread quickly they say. I had a CT scan today and due to have Bone Scan next week. Deciding between chemo first or surgery first and can’t make sense of it all at all.

I have a 7 week old baby and a 2 year old and can’t stop crying. I just want to be a mummy on maternity leave and do mummy things instead of chemo, surgery, rad etc. Its all so scary.

I’m an emotional person normally and especially now as just had a baby and been told all of this. Had to stop breastfeeding immediately and just feel so sad.

From reading your posts, I know this initial shock will end and I will accept my diagnosis but I just can’t imagine that being possible at moment at all.

Hannah

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Dear Haannah
I am sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis, welcome to our forums where I am sure you will receive lots of helpful advice and support from our users. Breast Cancer Care have published a Resources Pack specifically for anyone newly diagnosed with breast cancer which can be ordered on line, it is filled with information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. breastcancercare.org.uk//content.php?page_id=7514 You are also welcome to contact our freephone confidential helpline on 0808 800 6000 for further support, advice and information. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm. I do hope you find this information useful.
Kind Regards
Joe
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

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Hi Hannah

I’m so sorry to hear about your news and with such a small baby it is very very hard to take.

I was diagnosed in June with a 6cm invasive grade 3 lump. I am 34 with a 5yr old and a 1yr old. I know how you feel - it is very rough when you first find out - you imagine the worst case scenarios and imagine you won’t be around to see your kids grow up. But please believe you WILL - and I can tell you, having just started chemo, that it is not as bad as you fear it to be.
I am having the chemo first to shrink my lump, then a mastectomy and rads. It is very hard to get your head around in the early days, my panic at the moment is more about my hair than anything else!!!

I just want to say that I am thinking of you and you must come back and chat on here, let us know how you get on. We are all here for you.
Sending lots and love and hugs
Ali
x

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Dear Hannah
just to say you will find support here - there are people who understand the devastation you feel at points during treatment and clearly there are people who are dealing with this disease under many different circumstances. you have so much going on in your life at this point, it is inevitable that emotions are intense and you will feel very full of anxiety at times. try and find moments of peace - look at your little ones and enjoy the wonder of of it all. i’m really thinking of you and wishing you strength and all the best. let us know how you’re doing.
xxxx

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Dear Hannah

I am so sorry that you have had to join us on this site. I am older than you, with adult daughters, and I realise it must be such a difficult time for you with a new baby and a 2 year old.

My tumour was a similar size and also grade 3. I wasn’t given the option of chemo first so had a wide local excision and am now on chemo. I find that we are often expected to make decisions that are very difficult for us as we are not the experts. You could try phoning the helpline on this site for advice.

Do you know yet about whether you need hormone treatment or Herceptin? I need everything which in one way is reassuring as it gives me more treatment options, but it is also daunting as it seems to go on forever.

You will gets lots of support from this site so let us know how you are getting on.

All the very best

Anne

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Hi Hannah

I am sorry you have had to join us, but you will find lots of support and encouragement. It is tough enough with a 7 week old and a 2 year old - not alone with the added bc. We are all here to support you.
I was diagnosed monday but awaiting surgery to confirm diagnosis and treatment - not sure if lymph node involvement yet - but def invasive. I have a 3 and 5 year old. I keep looking at my two and thinking - I want to be here when they grow up - I am going to be here - be positive we all together will support each other through this.
Some words of encouragement - met someone yeasterday with your diagsosis in 1991 - she is enjoying life to the full - her children were also very young at the time - they are now at college. There is hope - and treatment is so much more advanced now.
Take care

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Hi Hannah,

I’m recently diagnosed as well, and have been offered the same options as you have. Firstly, I have been amazed when I discuss breast cancer with people, that everybody knows somone who has been through it…and has come out the other side, so I’ve taken great strength from that. I’ve even heard of a lady who was in her late 60’s when diagnosed, and still around in her 80’s… We have youth on our side, and 20 years of medical advancement, so hard as it is, try to be positive.
I spent 24 hours doing frantic research on the chemo-first option, (neo-adjuvant) and have decided to go with that. I like the idea the chemo drugs will be in my system zapping the cancer cells 6 weeks earlier than if I go with the surgery-first option. I found it all very confusing too, but having made my decision yesterday, I’m feeling clearer about it today.
I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to go through this with young children, my heart goes out to you. I hope you can take some strength from hearing about the successes, the high level of medical treatments, and from the support you’ve had on this site.
Thinking of you
CD
x

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Hannah

My heart goes out to you having to deal with this with such young children.

The chemo I found was much better that what I’d ever imagined but one thing I would say is to take any help you can get from friends and family - its so easy to say I can manage when they offer help but grab it with 2 hands from the beginning just in case they don’t offer again. Get them to do the mundane things like ironing cleaning so that it leaves you quility time with your children

you are on the right site - you will get stacks of support and help from here and we’re always around if you want a moan

good luck

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Dear Hannah,

Firstly congratulations on the new baby. Believe me your children will keep you going. I have a 2 year old as well and she tells it how it is, she has such a beautiful, honest outlook on life that really helps me to be positive about everything. When I started chemo I was scared and apprehensive so I took photos of her with me and when I felt wobbly I looked at her to remind me of why I was going through all this. Diagnosis is a horrendous shock but I found that once a plan had been drawn up for my treatment and I was actually doing it, things became easier, you just get on with it, one stage at a time.

I’m also grade 3, 2/10 lymph nodes involved, hormone positive, HER+ (which means I’ll need Herceptin) and when I was told all that and that my treatment would last 2 1/2 years my heart sunk but now that I’ve had time to think about it all I feel incredibly fortunate that I am able to have comprehensive treatment to protect my body. I suppose what I’m trying to say in a very inarticulate way is that there are always positives, sometimes you really have to search for them but they are there.

You’ve come to the right place Hannah, everyone here understands and we’re all here to help.

Take care

Carole

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Hi Hannah, I just read your post and my heart went out to you. On a positive note, I must share with you what my oncologist said on wednesday. It has boosted my spirits no end. She is the best in her field and she said 85% of all breast cancer is now healed. The new drugs to fight the aggressive cancers have helped no end.
I was diagnosed with a 16mm ductal invasive (grade 2) 6 weeks ago. I’ve had surgery and am starting treatment. It gets easier honey believe me. In your bad moments send a posting and you will get loads of support.
I have children 13 and 12 and although they are older they are so scared.
All my love and prayers to you and your family,JulieXXX

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oh hannah and all you lovely folk, i,m sry your here, i pray you will recover from this blasted desease, you have some lovely children to keep going for hon, you will be a lovely mummy.
i,m still in the waiting process hon,
but i convey all my love to you all
love
cee

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Hi Hannah

Welcome to the site. So sorry you have had to join us, but this site is an absolute god-send - you will find so much support, advice, and encouragement from others who know exactly what you’re going through.

I was diagnosed on 4th April with a 5cm tumour (my lymph nodes were affected too). I’m married with two daughters who are older than your two (14 and 10) and we were all absolutely devastated when we got the news. The first couple of weeks were the worst, endless scans etc, and a sentinol node biopsy, so much information was thrown at us, we were all in a daze. Ladies on here told me that once I got my treatment plan, I would begin to feel a lot better - and they were right.

Today I have had my sixth chemo (two more to go), then I’m having a mastectomy followed by rads, followed by a year of Herceptin. My Chemo Nurse even said today how much more positive I am, and she’s right. I never ever thought I would come to terms with this, I even told my husband after my first chemo that I did’nt want to carry on anymore, and once my hair starting falling out, I was like the anti-christ !.

BUT, a few weeks down the line I can honestly say I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The chemo is working, my tumour has almost disappeared, and I’m used to having no hair - I just wear bandana’s and its fine. I honestly can’t remember the last time I cried !

Hannah, my heart goes out to you, you’re in an awful place at the moment, but I promise you, IT WILL GET BETTER. You will come to terms with this. Accept all the support you are given (you will certainly find out who your friends are now!), and we are all here for you too.

Sending you lots of love and a big hug -let us know how you are getting on.

Julie xx

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Dear Hannah
congratulations on your new baby, i am so sorry this has happened to you with such a young baby and toddler, i was diagnosed in june my children 3 & 7 it was the 1st day of our holiday in spain when i discovered my lump and had 2 weeks putiing on a brave face as my in laws were on holiday with us ! anyway cut a long story short! upon return we also discovered a large lump under my arm i was diagnosed with grade 3 invasive ductal cancer what a bolt out of the blue !! we honestly expected just a cyst anyway after that things happened so quickly i had to have chemo 1st as they suspect lymph note involvement, and they want to shrink the tumors 1st to make surgery easier after 8 chemos its surgery then rads, i can honestly say once all the wating is over and you start treatment it does go quite quickly i had my 3rd chemo yesterday and have amazed myself how well i am handling it, i did shed tears when my hair fell out but have bought some really trendy hats and bandanas and just keep telling myself it is making me better, please be as positive as you can
, my doctor told me there is so much money been invested into breast cancer treating drugs as it is such a massive money maker and they are discovering so many new treatments he cannot keep up !! tell yourself you are amazing and you will get through it.
take care good luck with everything ,
keep us posted love galen xxxxx

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Hi Hannah,

I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us but ‘welcome’. Congratulations on the birth of your new baby! I was diagnosed in March, age 34, and have found this site invaluable ever since! You are in good company here and we all totally understand what you are going through right now. I knew v.little about bc and its treatments prior to diagnosis and it has been a v.steep learning curve for me and those around me! It seemed all very surreal in the early stages and I must admit there are times when it still does now!!

I had my mastectomy first, the week after diagnosis, so not too much time to get my head round things!! Although I wasn’t actually given the choice, I think if I had of been I defo would have gone for the surgery option first. I just wanted rid of the little blighter to be honest, asap!!! (Obviously thats just my own personal preference though).

Well, I’m mid-way through my chemo now (I’m having E-CMF, which will not make too much sense to you right now but it will in time). After chemo I will be having rads, the hormones and then Herceptin (I’m HER 2+). They are throwing everything at this, and although I feel like poo at times I’m certainly NOT complaning!!!

I wish you well as you start this journey. Take care of yourself and let us know what you decide to do re: treatment. If you haven’t done so already then check out the ‘younger women’ pages of this forum too, its great!

Kelly
-x-

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Hi Hannah

I was diagnosed on 14th March with invasive lobular BC. My baby was 7 weeks old and my little boy nearly 3.

So like you not quite what I expected from my maternity leave and enjoyment of baby etc.

I had neo-adjuvant chemotherapy, mainly to stop any spread straight away, but it has also worked to reduce the tumour size which has been a huge boost to my moral.

Chemotherapy finished last Friday, it wasnt the best time of my life, but the rose tinted glasses are on already. The good times we had, babies christening, 3 yr olds party, week away on holiday…etc. now are lasting memories, the crap times almost forgotton.

I am now scheduled for mastectomy on 14th. When this stage is over i`ll be able to concentrate on getting better.

It has been hard to let other people care for the children whilst I wanted to be the mummy, but I have managed many many good days with them and found more time to play with the baby than anything else. By doing the chemotherapy first I had a good few months with the baby being able to care for her when well (most of time) and am now not so concerned abou her being cared for by others while I have the operation and for a few weeks after. She has been going to nursery 1 day a week to get used to them etc. We left 3 yr old boy in nursery for his 3 days a week and he is very happy - didnt know he was maybe gonna spend more time at home with me so hasnt missed it.

Although it has been hard to live with the tumour there - seeing it shrink and have time to build up to the mastectomy has been the upside. Whichever you choose I understand there is no difference in final prognosis.

I thought I would be weaker physically and mentally as I had just had the baby - lets face it 6 weeks post birth is when you just begin to feel human again. Nobody seemd to appreciate this until I started the chemotherapy and the nurse was so sympathetic (all men until then). But I have found I was strong enough and my body coped, my emotions are slowly following…

Sorry its taken a few days to spot your post - but we were visiting friends and putting BC to the back of our minds, which a few moths ago I never thought would be possible, as you probably feel now.

Please take care and dont despair

Jane

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Hello Hannah,

Sorry you have had to join us here… I know how you are feeling as do a lot of woman on here and I wanted to add my hugs and offers of support to those that you already have.

I am 38 and have a 1yr old and a 3yr old. When I was first told that I had cancer it was a huge shock and now I am waiting for round three of chemo, bald as a coot having loads of hot flushes BUT, my children and husband have been fantastic and although it is hard for all concerned we do what we can to make this journey a little easier. The children and I have painted my scalp with face paints, we have made scarves and walked around the street as pirates (the whole family) and many other things…
It is easy for me to say don’t be scared, I am scared as well but I try to look at life as a three year old looks at life…Today is the day that matters and the now is what matters more. Concentrate on taking one day at a time, relax when you can and enjoy those ‘good’ days with your family.

Thinking of you xxx

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Keeping focussed on your children and their future will help you. Take all the support offered, try social services for poss domestic help, don’t suffer alone. If your cleaning etc can be done for you, you can have quality time with your babes. I have a new grandson and another grandaughter due in 2 wks. Along with the 2 I already have. Knowing this kept me focussed on my future.

There will be times when you have to put yourself 1st, not so easy with such young children I know, that is why support from your family, friends and Soc services are essential over the next few months. You could also contact MacMillan and the Lavender trust. I think remaining positive really helps to ‘forget’ all be it for just parts of the day. I’m not telling you to be positive, thats the worst thing anyone can say, but you will find positive days more barable

Cry, it’s good therapy.

Good luck and keep in touch

Irene

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Jane - Glad you spotted this post, was going to point you to it as I know you have had a similar exprience and thought you could offer some great advice to Hannah - which you have. You have a great outlook on it all.

Hannah - I have two small children and have found that they have been the ones pulling me through this, along with hubby, because they are the reasons I want to stick around and they give me enormous strength.
It’s my son’s 2nd birthday this Friday & I will miss it because I have my next chemo session the same day. This time last year had someone told me I wouldn’t be able to spend his birthday with him I would have been devastated (well I still am, but have no choice), but this whole thing has forced me into situations that before were unthinkable. It’s what I have to do to get through this awful bl**dy thing. It robs us of so much - hair, breasts, energy!. but like Jane said, you will have good times and I’ll be damned if it’s going to rob me of all of them too.

Take care LOL

Alison
x

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****** THANK YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH ************

… for all your replies and comments, I have been checking every day and each and every one of you has helped me immensly but I have felt so sad every time that there are so many of us with this horrible horrible thing. I do feel its especially cruel when we all have such young kids and our time should be spent doing so many lovely things with them instead of horrible chemo, surgery etc.

But, I have come to realise that I can and will be spending fantastic times with my boys over the next year while I have my treatment and they will help me get through it as I won’t be able to ‘wallow’ in the misery and I will have to get on with it and be positive for them. They’ll get me through this, I know.

I’ve just got back from a few days in Wales staying with friends and it was really good for me to get away for a bit but bloody hard as it was all so ‘normal’ and I feel anything but normal at the moment. I had a particularly bad day while I was there and was convinced it was everywhere in my body and I was about to die -but I’ve come home tonight and feel so positive that I will beat this thing.

I’ve come back fighting!!

Results from CT scan and Bone scan on Tuesday -terrifying …

Hannah
xxx

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Hi Hannah

glad to see you are feeling ok. Can i ask what the bone scan was like cos I have to have one soon

Love Danni xxxxxxxx