Hi everyone, I received confirmation of my diagnosis on Mon 21, am having all the scans to see if it has spread and am terrified in case it has.
The tumour is large - about 5cm, is in my lymph nodes and I am scheduled for an mx on Thurs 1. The thing that is upsetting me the most at the moment is the ‘what if’ endlessly going around my head - what if it has already spread? I am a single parent to a wonderful 14 year old daughter and that is the bit I can’t comprehend - the thought of not being around for her. I should get an indication at my consultation on Monday as to whether it has spread or not but I am driving myself mad in the meantime, I know it’s normal to feel like this but I so wish I didn’t.
Hi speedytomatoe
Firstly, welcome to the forums, I am sure you will find it a great source of information and support.
I’m sorry to read of your diagnosis, the first few days and weeks are always difficult when coming to terms with things and getting to grips with your treatment plans, etc.
As well as the support you are receiving on the forums you might find it helpful to order the BCC resources pack. It has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a copy just follow the link bellow:-
www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/pub … cer-bcc145
Also, do give the helpline a ring if you need any further support or information. They’re on 0808 800 6000. Open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 9-2 Saturday.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator
Hi speedytomatoe,
Just wanted to say sorry u’ve found urself on here but the support u’ll find on here is amazing. Whatever questions or worries u have this is the place to come. The start of the journey is the most overwhelming part, I can remember feeling permanently sick for the first month after diagnosis, with my head on a different planet. There were moments of blind panic when I felt I really couldn’t cope and moments of acceptance when I knew I had to. U are being seen quicklywhich is good, I was diagnosed on 8th Oct and had a mastectomy on the 8th Nov. I had 2 lumps and all my nodes removed. It’s not nice but it’s sore more than painful. I’m waiting to start chemo, then rads and Tamoxifen. I’m also waiting for bone and ct scans to check for preceding- the most worrying bit. But at least I’m not still walking around not knowing it’s there. I’m a single parent too with 3 kids and it’s hard but u will find the strength to cope. Try and focus on wat u know not on wat if’s and be kind to urself.
We are all here for u.
Herbi x
Hello Speedytomato,
Don’t worry - we all panic about that at the start. The fact is that only a tiny proportion of women have spread from the start (about 5% I think). And if you have multiple node involvement they will do scans to check for spread. I pushed for scans and felt reassured when they came back as negative - like I’d had an MOT - and ready to take on everything they could throw at me.
The initial bit is the worst - the waiting and worrying before being diagnosed and then the rollercoaster of fear and panic and appointments - but you will start to feel better once you know what you’re dealing with and have your treatment plan in place.
I was also freaked out as I had such a large lump and they always talk about pea-sized lumps in awareness campaigns - but there seem to be lots of us big lumpies on here!
Remember - the majority of breast cancers are curable. There’s an inspiring thread somewhere with ladies who had lots and lots of positive lymph nodes who were fine 5 years on.
Let us know how it all goes.
x
Welcome Speedytomato… LOVE the name!
As others have said, this part of your journey is, in many ways, the worst. I remember when I got my first lump (15 years or so ago). Whilst waiting for test results, someone asked me how i was coping. I replied “I’m CHOOSING to think positive, then every so often I wonder how the kids are going to manage without me”… and I was told I shouldn’t think like that! Well, it’s real… the anxiety is real… fear is real… and this is a place where we can be real and folk understand… so… welcome.
That lump was benign, and for what it’s worth, when a lump actually WAS cancerous this year, I tried hard to stay in “today”… the “what ifs” are natural, but if we can catch hold of our thoughts before they spiral out of control, and bring them back to the now… to your daughter today… to whatever is in front of you, it helps. Not always possible, but it does help when we can manage it…
God bless,
Jane
Hi there,
Just like the other ladies have said its the waiting which drives us completely mad.
I was recently diagnosed and have been told my nodes are infected.
Im waiting now the 2 week wait to have the CT scan and Bone scan, I have pushed though and will have the results within 5 days. I think its time for some good news this time 
Its difficult to always remain positive but that is the only way to get through this.
Wishing you lots of love and hugs.
Linda
x
Hi speedytomato sorry you had to join us but there are so many amazing women on here to help with every question you throw at them (AMAZING)
But would just like to say the scan bit of the waiting is the worst your mind goes into overdrive (SCARY) but my sister brought me a lovely card the other day wich read (FORGET ABOUT THE PAST YOU CANT CHANGE IT… FORGET ABOUT THE FUTURE YOU CANT PREDICT IT…) so please dont sending big hugs josie1xx
Hi Speedytomato
I also felt the same as you when I diagnosed in April of this year. I am also a single mother with a 13 year old son.
My tumour was 6cm and also spread to my lymph glands on the left hand side. I have now gone through two ops - a mascetomy and then the lymph glands removed and am now approaching my fith chemo session. I can’t say its been easy but I have been unexpectedly surprised that I haven’t been worse than I actually imagined I would be!
Do please contact Macmillian - they were a great help to me - taking me through benefits,and even gave me a grant. My other concern was my son and his emotions over my cancer and for him, not just for myself, I have tried very hard to stay positive. He has had added responsibility especailly helping me out through my bad days on housework, and even started cooking me some meals. He doesn’t like the added responsibility - part of being a teenager I think - but I did contact his school to ensure they knew of the diagnosis and the different emotions that he may have while at school and they were great ensuring that my son had someone to talk to if he needed to.
Please don’t worry too much just take each day as it come.
Hugs and support
Belinda
Hi Speedytomato - great name - just want to send u warm hugs and very postive thoughts, I know I echo what everyone else has said but the first part of the “journey” is the worst part as it waiting for the results, I am so sorry you find yourself on here but trust me as one that knows, its the best place to be for information, support or just having a good old rant, and remember that no question is ever a silly question so feel feel to ask whatever you like. The ladies on here will help and support and guide you plus please remember to make use of the helpline there are fabulous too!
I was diagnosed a year ago next month and it is scary I know, I had a lumpectomy in January this year followed by chemo and rads. I am now 3 months post treatment and had my first check up this week from my oncologist and have a routine yearly mamogram in a weeks time. You are very well looked after and I know its natural to think the worst, I had my lymph nodes removed also but i saw it as postive cos though 2 were infected, I thought, well they have done their job and stopped it from spreading.Keep posting on here, be kind to yourself, I know people will say you are brave, I used to reply that I didnt feel brave I was just getting on with it and that is all you can do, the waiting is the worst like I said but when you know whats what you feel better cos you know what you are facing and have a plan of action, and that is to kick its **** out of your body! lots of love, please pm me if you I can be of any help at all. Love Shar xxxxx
Hi Shar,
Did you notice Choccie posting on another thread. I saw you looking for her on dark woods the other day.
Hope you are well and well done on helping others who are just embarking on their journeys. How are you feeling? I am back at work and running around a lot pre-Christmas hence not on here much any more. Sounds like you are on the same sort of timings as I am, WLE and SNB in January, rads til end May and six month after scans/appointments in two weeks.
Speedytomato, its horrible when you are just diagnosed. I’m sure it is the worst part with the shock of finding out and being uncertain about treatment. Once you have a plan and are making steps along the way, it feels like you are doing something positive to zap, poison or dump in the bin any nasty cells, it is somehow easier to handle.
If we can help with anything at all just say, and if it helps, I was exactly where you are now in January and I am now back at work, somewhat battle scarred but otherwise getting on and enjoying life. It may not be the easiest few months of your life but being detected and treated is the first step to getting this behind you.
Love and hugs xx
Mary Grace, hi, lovely to hear from you, u are right life just kinda taken over after end of treatment, which is good but nice to be back in the woods and on these other threads, yes looked for Choccie hope to speak to her soon think same for her too! Its strange or surreal reading what these ladies are writing as when i first came on here there were people who had gone through it all and i wished is was one of them and now i am!!! lovely to hear from u it really is - i too am running round trying to get christmas organised,back at work but still get tired very quickly, how about you? lots of love to u all xxxx
Hi Shar, Yes I’ve been back at work since June, running “Mum’s taxi” service and panicking at not having done any Christmas shopping. Isn’t it nice to be panicking about those kinds of things not bc-related things.
If it helps anyone just starting out on their treatment, I’m like Shar in that I thought my world had ended when diagnosed and now I’m thinking “well 2011 was a sh*t year, bring on 2012” and I am looking to the future and feeling fine.
Lovely to see you are well Shar, how long is the hair now? I am a bit lacking in energy but then I didn’t have chemo in the end (grade 1, stage 1) just surgery (couple of goes to get clear margins) plus rads. I suspect we are all somewhat suffering from post-traumatic stress not to mention tamoxifen having messed up my thermostat so that I do a lot of duvet-on, duvet-off at night. Be kind to yourself and don’t push too hard, we’ve all had one h*ll of a year.
Love and light to all those in the scary early stages of treatment. I know not everyone is as lucky as I am, but just because not many people like me who were treated and have been declared NED (no evidence of disease)post on the forums, this is still the experience for a large number of us and we sincerely hope that you will all be joining us in the Land of NED once your treatment is done xx
Thank you so much everyone for your responses, it really does help to know there are other people going through the same thing. I am a bit up and down but trying to hold on to the advice you have all given me and to stay busy, I usually enjoy my own company but not so much at the moment - too much time to dwell on the negative with no distractions!
Helen x
Hi
What if…two biggest words that you can think of when you are first dx.
Words of comfort for you now, I was dx on 7th sep and had right Mx on 13th oct. to say I was terrified is an understatement but I had nothing to fear as I had no pain and was up and about the next day. The biggest plus for me was my tumour had gone.
You are bound to be in shock but as you carry on with this journey you will learn to cope. Once you get a plan for treatment you will feel a lot better.
Just keep posting and you will find comfort and wisdom, information and inspiration here, this site has kept me sane for the last 3 months, all the ladies understand so feel free to rant and let it all out if you feel like it.
sending you positive vibes and virtual hand holding. M