just diagnosed

I recently had a lymph node removed from my left breast as it was showing to be abnormal. I attended the breast clinic yesterday (9.7.09)and was told the lymph node contained cancer cells. The consultant thinks the cancer is in the breast but the at the moment the mammograms have not shown anything definite. The plan is an MRI on Wednesday followed by a biopsy. I am scared, worried,and confused along with many other emotions alongside these. Has anybody else experienced anything like this? I am finding it hard to take in that I have cancer and all I can think about is what does the future now hold for me?

Hi wills1 sorry you have had to join this forum, and I am also sorry i can’t give you any answers. but i just wanted you to know that i too went through and am still going through all of the emotions you express. But i have found on this site there is a wealth of experience[unfortunatly] and good sound advice. I know the waiting and not knowing can be the worst as our imaginations run riot.Try and be positive[virtually impossibe i know] I do hope you get the answes you seek . take care love kitty x

Thank you Kitty. I am really trying hard to be positive but those horrible thoughts keep creeping in. I have a wonderful family to help me through this and I really want to be positive and brave for them. I have had a few operations with one thing and another and the older I get I think I am developing a phobia about them and I know the outcome is going to be surgery again. It is the not knowing which is the hardest, even the consultant said this was not straight forward and was very sorry that she couldnt give me the answers to all of my questions. Oh well they say patience is a virtue.

Hi wills1

It sounds like you’re having a really tough time at the moment. It may help to talk things through with one of our trained members of staff on the BCC helpline. Here you are able to share your fears and concerns with someone who will offer you a ‘listening ear’ as well as support and information if required.

The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturday 9am to 2pm.

I hope this is helpful.

Kind regards
Sam (BCC Facilitator)

Don’t forget whilst you are being positive you are allowed a good cry too, and some self pity. You are bound to be scared, worried and confused, no one expects a dx of cancer and it is very hard to ccome to terms with. It is definitely the waiting which drives you bonkers. No one knows what the future holds, but there are lots of us on here who are still going and probably thought at the time it was the end. You will find lots of support on here from the lovely ladies. Take care x

Wills1, welcome to the club no one wants to join. I had to have an MRI after dx too. Unfortunately it was around Christmas, so there was a bit of waiting involved! The MRI is noisy (like a 1950s sci-fi movie!) but otherwise no problem.

The waiting is definitely the worst time and when they’ve just been diagnosed everyone seems to have those awful thoughts. Especially at 3am! But you will get used to the idea and once you have a better idea of what you are dealing with and a treatment plan in place you will start to feel better.

In the meantime, feel free to come here and cry, rant, moan, whatever. We’ve all been where you are now and can understand how you feel.

Take care.
Sal x

Thank you so much for these posts. I keep thinking this cant be happening. I dont feel ill, I havent lost weight,so how can I have this life threatening disease? I have been coming to this site for the past 3 weeks and have been reading all the different posts and admiring how brave so many of you are never thinking that I would also be in the position that I now find myself in. I will try to remain positive but I think I am still in a state of shock at the moment. Thanks again for the positive posts.

Hi Wills - sorry you’ve had to join us, but you’re very welcome. We’ve all been through that initial state of shock and disbeleif - I felt a weird kind of dislocation for a while, like there were two of me, the Sue I’ve always been and this poor little lady with cancer, terrified she wasn’t going to last as long as the milk in the fridge.

One thing many of us have found is that once you know what you’re dealing with, and start your treatment programme, you start to get “yourself” back. It isn’t bravery - it’s just that you don’t have any choice, and from somewhere you find the dogged persistence just to get on with it.

I used to feel as if my alarm clock hadn’t gone off and I was continually trying to catch up. Gradually that feeling drifted away and I did return to normal.

Once I was diagnosed and knew what lay ahead (mastectomy), it was almost a relief and I felt as if I was being swept along - in a positive way.

I didn’t give into it, but I allowed myself to accept it - gradually. By the time of my op, I felt comfortable with myself and knew that I would get through it.

It’s a scary time - but it does get easier. Honest.

Hi Wills 1
So sorry to hear your news but hope all goes well with your tests.
All thr feeling you have are quite normal and you just cannot explain to anyone that has not been through this how it really effects you.
Cry if you want to, it will release some of the tension and after all why shouldn’t you. There are lots of ladies here who will be able to answer all kinds of questions you may have as you walk this road to treatment recovery. It will get easier.
Take care xx

Thank you again for the positive posts.Feeling down again today. Sometimes I forget then all of a sudden BAM I remember and all those horrible thoughts enter my head. I am normally such a positive person and Im the one who says it will be ok dont worry etc etc. Early days I suppose, I have to get my head round it before I can move on and focus on the positive. Is it normal to ramble on going over the same thing over and over again? hope you all have a good weekend. Typical weekend weather - rain, rain and more rain.

Wills, ANYTHING is normal! We all get down days, we all get paranoid over the teeniest little twinge - this is the place to come and rant, some of us are up when others are down, and then it all reverses, so we can help each other.

Hi Rain?
We have had sunshine all day. I must admit it the weather man GOT IT WRONG. Maybe we are going to have a summer after all.

No got up this morning and its raining…looks like it made its way up north.

Went for my MRI scan yesterday. Didnt realise they took that long to do. Found lying on my front a bit uncomfortable but thats one thing out of the way. Im having my guided biopsy on Tuesday 21st then I see the consultant on Thursday 23rd so at least I havent got much longer to wait now. Hopefully he will be able to tell me at what stage I am and what the next step is. This waiting really plays with your head and even though I am trying to be positive I am finding those negative thoughts are creeping in more often than not. I find reading the different posts help as it tends to put things into perspective a bit especially when Im going overboard on all the negatives!
Best wishes to all.

when my husband went for a MRI scan he feel asleep…yes i know he can sleep anywhere.
Good luck for the 23rd and my thoughts will be with you and plaese let us know who you get on.
Loads of Hugs XXXX

Hello Wills1

I’m newly diagnosed too (22nd June) I’ve already had a lumpectomy and lymph nodes removal but sadly still need to go in next week for a mastectomy. I’m terrified, restless, anxious and stunned beyond belief that this is actually happening to me, however each day I feel a little more assured (with the help of this website and support from the hospital and family/friends) but realise to beat this I need to go through all of these emotions and travel down this path. Hair has been cut short in preparation of the Chemo (although having cold cap when it starts and keeping everything crossed that I may keep my hair) I guess I’m trying to take each day/step as it comes, so I’m going to enjoy this weekend by hopefully drinking copious amounts of alcohol and then will focus on getting through next week the best I can.

Stay strong

Poppet x

Thank you poppet and lupin
It really helps knowing that there are other people out there who are going through or have have been through the same as you.
Poppet I hope all goes well next week. What day are you going into hospital? Have they given you any information about your cancer? I just want to get the biopsy over with and then find out what the next step is going to be. The consultant told me the last time I went that the outcome would most probably be surgery and complete removal of my lymph nodes. Make sure poppet that the alcohol flows all weekend and you have a really good time.
Im sure lupin if my husband had to have an MRI he too would fall asleep. Unfortunatly Im not able to sleep as easy as that, especially at the moment. Thank you for your best wishes. Will let you know the outcome. Have a good weekend. Karen

Hi Wills and Poppet

It’s a strange journey you’ve just started, but it’s one you can do. I’m just coming up to the end of chemo after a stunner of a diagnosis in December past. You’ll go up and down over the months ahead, but breathe, relax, and be determined to beat this. The people you’ll meet on the forum are amazing, and anything at all you need to ask, say, express, rant about, just get on with it. We’ve all been there or somewhere similar, we’ve all thought we were going completely round the bend, and yet there are laughs along the way.

You’ve got it in you to weather this storm. :slight_smile:

Hi CaroleD
I am still in a state of shock and just keep saying why, how and how is this going to end. Today has been a bad day. cried, cried then cried again. I feel that I have become another person. The person that walked into the consultants room was not the person that walked out. All I think about is cancer. I try not to keep talking about it (even though my family have been great)because I dont want to upset everyone.All I want is the old Karen back not this person who keeps crying and thinking negative thoughts. I think once I see the consultant again on Thursday and he tells me what the next step is maybe I will feel different. I certainly hope so anyway! Sorry for the miserable posting.