Just feeling like cr*p generally!

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I was diagnosed on 8th Dec with BC in left breast (aged 29), invasive grade 1 ductal (3 lumps all contained cancer). Have since had MRI and found that there are anywhere up to 8 lesions in left breast. I have decided to have bilateral mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction, get my surgery date at my appt on 4th jan.

It had been a bit of a whirlwind over the last few weeks, with it being the lead up to Xmas, 3 young children and a business to run, this all has not helped matters. The thing is I am so tired all the time, which is so unlike me! I just feel so knackered and ‘done in’ by lunchtime, have also been sleeping in until about 11am (hubby has let me bless him), but I never sleep in this long.

I have terrible headaches all the time and feel so thirsty its ridiculous. I also have a nagging pain around where my liver is, its like a burning, dull ache pain - I had obstetric cholestasis in all 3 pregnancies (itching liver disease thingy) so have a good idea where the liver is located from before.

Are all these aches and pains part and parcel of the emotional part of the long process or are they actual physical symptoms of bc? I just feel so useless and was so determined to not let this BC take over everything but when I am feeling so physically drained it makes it a little harder to put a brave face!!

Sorry for my little moan, there is not really anyone else that I can let off steam at =).

Paula xx

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Oh Paula, I’m sorry you’re feeling so crap, but I’m not really surprised, you have so much on your plate right now. The stress of all this is bound to make you feel worn out and can cause all sorts of symptoms (and of course if you haven’t had a range of scans to ensure alls well in other parts of your body, I’m sure they’ll follow soon).
It sounds to me as though you need to continue to listen to your body and take it easy on yourself.
I think you need to tell the doc and nurse about how you are feeling at your appointment on 4th - there are support mechanisms out there that you can get access to.
I’ll be thinking about you and I hope you’ll let us know how things are going.
This is the place to bring the feelings you can’t easily share with family and friends, everyone here has been where you are and understands the stuff you are going through
take care and be kind to yourself
love, monica xxx

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hi paula,

just read your post and the 1st thing i want to say is that everything you are feeling is normal, you are allowed not to be brave. i echo everything monica says, the drs will take care of the physiscal side, again it is normal to be aware of every ache and pain and imagine the worse, we have all felt this way and still do from time to time. sleep is good it is your minds way of coping with all this information etc not to mention your responsibilities… family, work, christmas etc.

be kind to yourself and try to build up strength for the treatment ahead. take everything one step at a time and try and find someone to talk to, who you can be yourself with, sharing your down times with the positive ones (yes there will be some!). accept offers of practical help don’t think you have to keep all the balls in the air by yourself. use this forum as you already have and you will be amazed by the support and wisdom of the ladies on here.

remember you are an amazing lady… it is the disease that is crap and you will manage to get thru’ this with a lot of love and support,

lots of love,

lenny
xxxx

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i think its very hard being a young mum with bc. I had it last year although not as young as you, i was 39 it was still hard not knowing anyone else in the same boat. juggling kids, work etc is very hard. I gave up work as i had chemo first then surgery then radio.

I think you should ask your dr for further scans, cat scan, bone scan etc to eliminate any worries that you have it elsewhere. the day i went for my bone scan i experienced the greatest battle against fear in my life, my legs were leaden, the ground seemed to drga me into it. but it all came back clear so at least i could focus on the bc treatment without extra worries.

telling your children is also very hard. i did it on my own, told them i would be well again but that things would be different for a while.

It is normal to be tired with bc and also to have flu like symptoms, you also will be tired from the effects of stress, it a complete mindf**k to deal with and being ‘upbeat’ with you kids is very tough.

personally i couldnt cope with this forum, i pretended it wasnt happening, instead i joined other fan groups online, music forums etc and engaged in idle chit chat with complete strangers. I made two very good supportive friends through prince.org

we had fun online which allowed me to while away the chemo days in a fantasy land. I had to give up work, but was freelance anyway and am only just rebuilding my work load. so its been very tough financially.

good luck. Positive mental attitude goes a long way to coping. You will come through it. my bc was also invasive grade 3 one node affected. Im now 41 and on nolvadex for 5 years.

get a group of friends to help if your kids are at school. i sent an email out to my kids friends parents crying for help. I told them I was ill and my son was bored. it did the trick, they did all the pick ups, took him to football etc so my kids had as normal a routine as possible. Accept help, ask for help, its one less thing to worry about and you can concentrate on you.

best wishes.

siobhain

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Thanks so much ladies…just having a naff couple of days. I always hate the in between Xmas and NY bit anyway without having this to dwell on.

Go my letters today from my consultant referring me to the London branch of Marsden rather than Sutton (which is only about 10 mins from me) due to past heart probs, so a bit gutted about that as it will make it harder for people to see me after the op. It was also not nice seeing the consultant confirm in writing that I have 8 cancers in one breast…I’ve only got small breasts…where are they hiding? lol.

Anyway, thanks again. I think I will feel a little better when I get a date for surgery on 4th.

Have a Happy New Year!!!

Paula xx