Ladies,
I just hate all this!!! I am trying to look forward to Xmas but just cant get the thought out of my head that “what if it’s my last?” - just starting to realise that i have had a life threatening illness and this thing could kill me. shouldnt be thinking like this as I have no reason at the moment to be worried but i just cant shake it off - thiis bloody thing always has a hold over you doesnt it!!! sound so negative - sorry!!!
Vez
Hi Vez
It might help to talk to someone about how you are feeling. If you would like to talk in confidence the team on the helpline will be only too happy to talk to you and just be a listening ear. I am sure the feelings you are having are only natural but can understand your worries. BCC are here to support you so please use us if it will help. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturdays 9am to 2pm. The number is free phone 0808 800 6000.
Kind regards
Lucy
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Hello Vez,
I know what you mean. Even in the midst of chemo i have some days when I feel so well and get busy with stuff, and forget it for a time. Then it always comes back with a thud.
Even after treatment and with just a primary diagnosis, it must be always there. i’ve got a secondary but am reaching the end of treatment and expecting to get on with life for more than a few years hopefully. How can your head get round it sufficiently?
I think the thing to do is enjoy Christmas as if it was your last! Obviously not to the point of getting in debt (or worse debt than usual?!) but see the people you want to see, invite friends/family round, don’t waste time on what is a waste of time, etc.
I hope you’re feeling more positive about it soon, and can make some plans for things to look forward to. I can recommend Christmas Craft fairs (went to one yesterday) to get you in the mood. And shopping, for things for yourself of course!
Love and a hug
jacquie x
Hi Vez
I do know how you feel as the thought has crossed my mind too.
However i learn’t alot with my mum having cancer for 6 years. She had secondaries at DX and was told it was treatable but not curable.
Every christmas i thought will this be her last? So just as Jacksy had said we had some great times i always felt each christmas i had with her was a bonus.
Two people i know have been DX with bowel cancer which has unfortunately spread and they both died in 4 months. No one knows do they what lies ahead.
Recently i have been trying to enjoy the here and NOW.
I intend to spend quite a bit on my kids this christmas as i love seeing their faces when they get pressies.
Take Care R
I was in hospital over christmas after having breast cancer surgery the week before which resulted in an infection. I haven’t celebrated christmas since - that was 2003. I’ve saved myself a fortune and I don’t have to put up with terrible TV.
Mole
It does your head in…the bit that winds me up now…is just as i think right…lets get on with it…get my life all in ship shape and bristol fashion order…getting on with stuff i want to…the letters for check ups arrive and that puts you back to square one.
The horrible thoughts pop up from time to time, but yes christmas or birthdays make it harder with thinking the what ifs…
I can remember Christmas 2005, as I packed away the tree I wondered if I would get it out again.
I absolutly love decorating my tree- its the best part of Christmas and I know I will be here to put one up this year and by golly will I fight to put it up next year too!
Yes all this stuff is awful but we can not dwell on things for too long or else the time we do have be it months or years will be wasted on what ifs.
Try to take heart that there is a future.
Take care all
Carol