I’ve been given the diagnosis last Tuesday. It was horrible and at the same time almost a deliverance, after so much doubt. This time I didn’t freak out – I went for a walk and then I went to work.
I felt vastly better until I realised that I know actually still very little. Yes, I know that it’s a grade 2 ductal cancer, that it’s about 2 x 1 cm, hormone-positive and HER-2 negative. The plan is to have surely a lumpectomy, then possibly radio or even just tamoxifen.
I asked if I need an MRI scan and they said no – but I will have to have a chest x-ray before surgery. Call me silly but this was enough to trigger the panic attacks tunnel all over again. Because I have shortness of breath on occasion, I am now persuaded that I am metastatic and I will be refused surgery and I will die.
I know well that after one month of daily panic attacks, shortness of breath and feeling generally crap is only to be expected. It’s just I can’t shake this sense of doom. My body has betrayed me, when will it stop?
Sigh. The first days after diagnosis I was actually fine. Now there we go again. I am so tired of that panic sensation that I know only too well (it’s a very specific painful, tingling tenseness in my back, like an electric current that gets applied each time I am having a dark thought, plus all the other textbook symptoms of panic).
When this on Earth is going to end?
Hi, your diagnosis is very similar to mine. I wouldn’t worry too much about the chest x-Ray - I had one before my surgery as part of my pre-op assessment. I think it’s routine! I did have to have an MRI but I think they just wanted to check for any spread as my cancer was picked up from my first ever mammogram. I know it’s really difficult to try and keep calm, the waiting between tests is horrendous. I had a lumpectomy last Monday and a sentinel node biopsy and got the all clear this week - it was such a relief! I am having radiotherapy and tamoxifen too. Wishing you well and I’m sure your pains are just anxiety. Take care xxx
Things just gradually get better, there is no text book to this it just happens as time goes along, I was right where you are a few months ago and never thought I’d ever feel normal again, I was in such despair, but the more you learn and the more news you get you just start to process it and deal with it, I couldn’t get out of bed for days and shook from head to foot continually but gradually I was able to function again and even managed a few days in work to try and take my mind off things, in can’t really explian it but you just start to accept what’s happening , I think most of the symptoms like shortness of breath are just a symptom of the sheer panic and fear, I had never felt so ill in my life but all I had was 4 mm of grade 1 cells and clear nodes, I’ve had a lumoectomy and am now going through rads which are fine, I’m back at work and coping fine , you will get there you just have to go through the process, it’s horrendous at the time but things do get better , my best wishes to you you , love Jo xx
Hi Mael,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so dreadful, I have same diagnosis as you and I am waiting for lumpectomy and then radiotherapy. My pre-assessment date is 5th June and op on 11th June.
The week between biopsy and results was awful and I too had constant feeling of panic and anxiety. Having suffered with severe anxiety about 12 years ago when I had a miscarriage and divorce I was dreading the continuation of these awful symptoms. However, I came across a book by a Dr Claire Weekes about coping with Nervous illness and anxiety and it really helped!! Available on Amazon. Guided relaxation and meditations on utube are also good, I listen to one at night with my headphones on and they really help me unwind.
I have found it helps to keep busy, take walks outside in the sunshine and remember all those women that I know have been through bc and are now well. Everyone seems to know someone who has had bc. You are not alone, 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with bc. I also find it better to think about one step at a time and not to let myself dwell on the unknown.
Hope i have helped alittle.
Sandra
Yes Mael it’s perfectly normal to feel ill with shock and fear , I felt like I couldn’t breath at times and my heart raced so much I felt like I would pass out but it’s all down to anxiety and fear and I can honestly say the day I received my results I felt it all drain out of me as I knew what I had was treatable and I knew the plan forward,I still have an odd wobble but on the whole I’m fine and back to enjoying life ! 
Xxx