Hello all, I’m Jac and I’m 44 and have just been diagnosed with TNBC. Needless to say I’m scared stiff. Like I’m trapped in a bad nightmare. Feel exhausted actually, does anybody know if that’s cos my body is busy fighting the little grade 3 cancer?! Or am I emotionally drained? Anyway, I just feel a bit overwhelmed. Getting a heart scan on Monday in preparation for chemo, MRI on Wednesday to check the breasts and start chemo 22nd, six rounds taking 4.5 months then surgery and radiotherapy. They took a wee lymph sample which looks clear but am paranoid it still spreads before chemo kicks in. Urgh. I’ve got three kids and am a single parent but I think their dad will do his bit, but still worried I’ll be laid up and unable to look after them. And how do I tell them? I don’t really want to cos I don’t want to scare them.
Hi Jac,
Sorry to hear you’very come here, but there is loads of support from others going through similar things at similar times, you are not alone.
I don’t have aTN diagnosis, but others will be along to offer their support.
Your feelings are quite normal at this stage, it is a shock, but thankfully it has been picked up & will now be dealt with. It is also usual to have physical symptoms as you’ve decscribed, but as you say, it’s normally emotionally related, as everything gets magnified at this stage. It’s good the node looks clear & don’t worry about spread, it’s not going to whizz around whilst you’re waiting for chemo.
Do look at other boards on the forum where there are others in your position going through this & do contact the helpline here or Macmillan for advice & support.
It’s tough with kids, but as long as they understand what’s happening in a way that doesn’t scare them, it will be ok. Hopefully, their dad will do his bit.
hugs
ann x
Hi Jac
welcome to the forum and I’m sorry you find yourself here. I have a TNBC diagnosis too and understand how frightening this is, especially in the early days when everything is so new and confusing. I had my chemo fist and found that once I got into treatment I felt better because I was doing something positive towards eradicating it. All the worries you describe are perfectly normal. As its a bit quiet on this thread these days and if you have access to face book, why not consider joining one of the Fb groups specifically aimed at TN women? There are 2 in the UK - TN warriors and TNBC support. Try looking them up and if you’re struggling let me know and I can put you in touch with the admin team. They are great sites with women who are in exactly the same situation as you
take care
chris xx
Hi Jac,
I was diagnosed with TNBC last September aged 38, I am also a mum. It sounds like I experienced the same sort of feelings and emotions as you. All of which I now accepted as being totally normal.
On the recommendations of my consultant I waited 3 weeks for BRAC gene test results to come back before operation and treatment was discussed further. I was just sitting around knowing that I had an aggressive cancer and a bone scan result that picked up an issue in my shoulder. It was the worst time ever. The breast cancer nurse told me that the waiting was worse than the treatment. I didn’t believe her and wanted to hit her. She was RIGHT.
I have my 5th chemo tomorrow, sometimes it’s not great but is doable. In actually fact I’ve been out all day shopping with my daughter. You will have good days and bad ones. I struggle with the emotional side of it all more than the phyiscal and swear that my tiredness is due more to the emotions.
I found telling and dealing with my daughter the hardest part. Obviously, it depends on your children’s ages but I would recommend being as honest as you can be with them. My breast cancer nurse recommended that I told her everything. Again she was RIGHT. I was recommended a book called Mummy’s lump. It was a good starting point.
breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/publication/mummys-lump-bcc164
Also, you may want to speak to their schools about the situations. My daughter’s school made some changes. They got a counsellor in for several weeks and it made a massive difference. They made other small changes like letting her choose her own reading books and read more with her in class so I don’t have so much to do at home.
With the hospitals permission I took her to the hospital to meet some of the staff. Again this seemed to help, as I think their minds run away with them and they imagine the worst.
I hope I haven’t gone on too much and you find some use in my reply.
Good luck for the 22nd x :smileyhappy:
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Hi jac , im also diagnosed with tnbc and after stupidly googling it seems like the worst thing .what ive learnt is it responds much better to chemo due to its nature of movement .I know the fear with it is regarding having no tablets to take for 5 years after treatment unlike positive ones, i also had the fear of what if it spreads in the weeks waiting for chemo even though it was only 2 weeks between clear bone/ct scans …i felt all the things you did specially regarding my sons as im also a single mum and my youngest lost his dad nearly 5 years ago to a heart attack , so felt his fears would be bigger .depending on the age of your kids will be the difference to what you say , my youngest is 12 and we have a very close open honest relationship and telling him and his brother literally broke me , but the 12 year old seems to be dealing with it ok now , worries about my temp going up and stuff but so do i .tbh my 26 year old is the one who took it worse but was also very lovely about it , checking im in best hospital ect .I had my first chemo last wednesday they say some sail through it some don’t…ive had to stop working which i was hoping i wouldnt as mine is every 14days and theres no way i can work …Try take any help offered to you hun , im quite independent and been hard for me to do but its becoming a must .there is a lovely group on fb called triple negative warriors uk , all the ladies on there have are or going through tnbc and have been a great help to me with advice xx maria
Hi Jac like you recently diagnosed & felt overwhelmed, scared, frightened. Had MRI, Heart scan & bloods &I start chemo 30th followed by surgery &a Radiotherapy - you will find the strength and no doubt it won’t be as bad as we expect &a build up in our heads!