Has anyone else found that they’ve never really got their confidence back after BC? I finished treatment in spring of 2005 but still feel really lacking in confidence and energy. I had a p/time job but left when they wanted me to become a manager, I couldn’t face that. Now during the week the only people I see are my husband and the postman when he has a parcel! I feel isolated on my own little island. My friends are scattered about the south and I am in the south midlands. I’ll see some this Xmas but otherwise hardly see anyone. I am only 53 and feel 20 years older. Sorry to sound so self pitying.
Hi SueBee
I am sorry you are feeling isolated and wondered if you have considered Breast Cancer Care’s peer support service, the telephone service aims to quickly put you in touch with one of our trained peer supporters, who has had a personal experience of breast cancer.
Our peer supporters are from diverse backgrounds and ages and have experienced different types of breast cancer and treatments. They are ready to listen, offer skilled emotional support and share their experiences and understanding. For more information about this service telephone 0808 800 6000 or email <script type=“text/javascript”>eval(unescape(‘%64%6f%63%75%6d%65%6e%74%2e%77%72%69%74%65%28%27%3c%61%20%68%72%65%66%3d%22%6d%61%69%6c%74%6f%3a%69%6e%66%6f%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%22%3e%69%6e%66%6f%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%3c%2f%61%3e%27%29%3b’))</script>.
Kind Regards
Katie
Moderator
Hi Sue
I hva ebeen off work since June while I had chemo which finished in Sept, & had a mastectomy on nov 3. me & hubby ( no kids) moved to our present home less that a year ago,leaving most friends and family over 200 miles away. One of the things that has kept me sane through these months is getting involved with local voluntary work - I am a driver for our local help centre, taking eldrlypeople to the shops ect, which I find quite enjoyable,( and they all comment on how young I am!, even tho I’m not really!) I have also got involved with other local community groups. I know voluntary work is not for everyone but there are loads of people out there who willbe so glad and grateful for an hour of your time, and who will be kind and supportive when they find out why you have time to spare. Maybe there is a local breast cancer support group that you could become involved in, giving advice and suport to women who are facing the same situation that you have been in, we have a group like that based at our hospital and I have found being able to talk to them really helpful.
Do hope that you find something out there to get you back out in the world and feeling confident again
Sending you a hug & best wishes.
Thank for your kind comments, sometimes, like today, I feel like I’m the only person left in the world! I live in a village and most people are at work during the day. it is misty and drizzly and the only action is the bin men! Maybe I’ll invite them in.
I have thought of voluntary work but, and this may sound pathetic, I am sometimes so tired that I feel I don’t want to be obligated to have to be somewhere at a certain time if I need to rest. Hope that’s understandable. Also, I find other people wear me out after a few hours and I just want to get away from them. This is one of the things that puts me off going back to work. I find conversation a strain. At least my husband doesn’t expect brilliant repartee - just as well! Sorry if all this makes me sound impossible to help - perhaps I am. I was poleaxed by the cancer and feel it’s changed me completely - for the worse.
I do admire MandH for driving old people to the shops, and having only just finished chemo too. Dahlia - I hope the joint pains improve soon. My tumour was hormone negative so I dont take any medication at all such as Tamoxifen.
Thanks again and hugs to you both.
Sue (stagnating in the Oxfordshire mud)
Hi Sue,
Is it possible you are depressed? Maybe you should go to your GP as it seems odd that you are so tired still.
As for voluntary work - it needn’t be much. You could try volunteering for just a couple of hours a week. There are lots of charities that would be very pleased with that. No matter how tired you are, I’m sure you could get through two hours. And maybe having something regular, with other people’s company, will give you something to look forward to.
Have you tried exercise? It doesn’t need to be anything strenuous. Just a walk in the countryside can be very uplifting.
Bast wishes
Hi Sue
I saw your post. I’m sorry that you feel so down… I wonder whether you have thought/heard about Odyssey? They are a charity specifically aimed at helping people who have been diagnosed with cancer to “rebuild confidence and regain their zest for life”. It’s a 4-day “adventure” and caters for all ages over 18 (no upper age limit). Don’t be put off by the word adventure – the adventure is that none of the participants know what to expect, it’s all a bit mysterious! - you don’t need to be very fit to take part, just need to be able to walk a mile. Courses currently run in Scotland, West Midlands and Kent – but they are planning to expand in the future. Maybe the West Midlands “adventure” wouldn’t be too far from you and this might be something that you feel might help? By the way, the course is free.
This was recommended to me by my chemo centre and I’m booked in for the one in Kent at end of June next year – I’ll have just finished my radiotherapy in April (having had a mastectomy and chemotherapy), so for me it will symbolize a “new start” and I hope it will help me put the past year of treatment behind me and help me look positively to the future.
Here is the link to the website, in case you’re interested:
Nicola x
Hello Sue
Is there a church in your village as they can often be a good source of comfort and friendship. I occassionally do voluntary work and it is on a when I feel like it/ can fit it in basis so I am not too obligated. At least it would be a start.
Take care
Hilary
Hi again Sue… I am only doing a tiny amount of stuff with my voluntary driving, sometimes its literally a 10 minute job to , for example, pick someone up and drop them to a friends.I am no more a superwoman than you are !!I
Also have you considered therapies such as reflexology or Reiki? I have found them very good for helping get emotional balance back…
I read a great article it is in the archives on this site & is an article by DR PaulHarvey, a clinical psychologist in Leeds & is called ‘After the treatment finishes… then what?’ I found it eally reassuring and have printed off and refer to it quite often!
Finally have you talked about this with your breast care nurse? She might be ableto advise.
please don’t feel bad, you WILL get to where you want to be!
Look after yourself
Mand x
Hi Sue,
I have just read your post and can totally understand your lack of self confidence. Mine has come out in a completely different way. I have more confidence than before in approaching people and talking to them. However, and this is the most embarassing bit, I am filled with jealousy and anger whenever my husband looks at an attractive/beautiful woman. Either on TV or out and about. In fact it has got so bad that I cannot watch TV with him and we are not going out anywhere at the moment just in case. He is really supportive and I know that he would not do anything to upset what we have but this irrational jealousy is ruining my life. The hurt that I feel when I see him looking is immense and I get so angry and feel like telling him to ‘bog off’ with her as he obviously does not want me. There must be an underlying issue here somewhere as I was never never like this before BC. I had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiotherapy and ever since have turned into a bunny boiler! Any suggestions would be gratefully received.
I am also not working at the present time and can understand the isolation that you feel. The odyssey link above sounds like a good idea - I am going to give it a try myself.
Take care and look after yourself
jackie
Maybe you need a volunteer to come and talk to you rather than the other way round. Luckily I live in London and social isolation isn’t that much of a problem. Also I went back to work during treatment. It was a struggle the first time I went in to work as I felt like a leper and had no self confidence but people were so nice I felt much better. Having a structure and something outside of thinking of cancer helped me. what about taking a course by mail - e.g. the national extension college to get your mind going again? A lot of things are more scary in thought than in reality as well. There’s a book called feel the fear and do it anyway which I found helpful in the past
Mole
Jackie, I am like you in that I am not afraid with strangers, eg. if bad service in a shop I will speak up, very bolshy. It’s the idea of work as I can’t seem to handle stress. yes this isolation makes me very fed up. I can’t just invent friends!
Sorry your hubby has a wandering eye. As long as it’s only his eye I would not put too much importance on this. Pls make sure he knows how you feel.
Thanks for the advice and support Mole and Mand. I don’t think Odyssey is for me as a 4 day adventure is the last thing I need at the moment. I need safety.
Hi Sue,
You struck a chord with me when you said that you need safety. That is exactly how I feel and I have spoken to my husband and I have decided to do what I feel keeps me safe at the moment and that is staying close to home. When I get the odd moment of clarity I realise that I regard everything outside the home as a threat. That feeling must come from the BC and the terrifying thoughts that accompany it. So I am going to go at my own pace and not try so hard to get everything back to normal. Taking each day and enjoying the little things. Hopefully our confidence will slowly return and I am assured by a Macmillan nurse that we will emerge stronger than before. So the world had better watch out!!!
Look after yourself and I am sure that given time you will grow stronger and will then be able to work again.
Sue
I know exactly how you feel. I even had cognitive behavioural therapy arranged for me by Mc Millan nurse but I think it made me worse. He was v nice but male and kept suggesting I get a job. When I said that i didn’t have the energy and didn’t think I could cope, he seemed to think it was all in my mind. It might be but the fact remains that I too would love to work even voluntary work, but know that I couldn’t manage at this moment in time. I only see family and have no friends. It worries me that I am becoming isolated but I have always been a bit of a loner. I am doing alot of knitting to pass time until I get abit of confidence. Just wanted to say you are not alone. I am 45 and feel like life is passing me by but haven’t the energy to do anything about it.
Love
Debbie
Poor Debbie, I do understand. how long ago were you DX?
I really got into knitting again too during my treatment and have churned out quite a few things. Have a look at aranaddict on the Ravelry website if you are interested. I don’t think you have to be a member to look at others work but if not do register to join, it’s fascinating, even if most of the members are American! In fact I think knitting has kept me sane and is much underrated as therapy.
Good luck and don’t be pushed into anything. Nobody who hasn’t been thru this can know what it feels like and how it leaves you feeling.
Sue
Thanks Sue
Will look at site. Am currently knittting snowman mitts for my niece then am going to knit my husband some walking socks. It’s ages since I have knitted with 4 needles. Ohh and the dog has a request for a new winter coat. Lucky she is only a Yorkie
Debbie
My friend bought me wool and needles as a get well pressie after my op, she thought the gentle arm movement would help as an exercise in the first week or so, and it did work. I’m on my second scarf now!!! Not in your league Debbie & Sue, I’m getting in a tangle with 2 needles, let alone !!
X Mand
Hi Mand, well done for persevering. There’s something about the repetition of knitting that is very therapuetic. You can listen to TV or radio at the same time too. I took it up again when I went into hospital for my lumpectomy and have never looked back. It’s not as hard on the eyes as cross stitch and less demanding than sudoku (which I also love) or crosswords. All these sedentary activities when are meant to be out running half marathons for BC charidees! (Sorry, bit of irony there.) Good on those who have the energy to do that.
X
Sue
Keep at it Mandy. I have been knitting since I was 4 so that’s 41 years!!! Would love to be able to knit in manner of Kaffe Fassett though.
Love
Debbie
xxx