How does everyone cope??? It’s tearing my husband and I apart… we used to have quite an active sexlife…and now we’re (as in his words) like an OAP couple (I’m 31 and he’s 29!!!)
I don’t know how much more of this we can take
Any advice greatly appreciated!!
J xx
Hi poannie
It is not unusual for women to experience a lack of libido during treatment,
I am sure you will get lots of support and advice on the subject from other users but you might be interested in one of Breast Cancer Care’s publications.
Here’s the link and it covers the sensetive subject of sexuality and intimacy. This can be either downloaded or ordered via the site.
breastcancercare.org.uk/upload/pdf/sexuality___feb_08_0.pdf
I do hope you find this useful.
Kind regaqrds.
Louisse
Facilitator
Hey Poannie
I’m so sad for you about all this - bloody bc is the pits. I don’t kow how most people cope but I do know that I got a few suggestions when I started a similar thread some time back - can’t find it now.
Suggestions I remeber were; doing romantic things, reading romantic novels or watching films to encourage the feelings which can lead to affection which can in turn lead to sex. Most people seemed to think that that relaxing enough to get in the zone was a problem - some women suggested taking painkillers , having a drink or three and spending as long as possible in foreplay. I don’t know how successful any of these ideas are - I imagine foreplay when you are not in the mood is that easy!
Best of luck and hope you find something that helps
Much love
Jane x
No advice but we are the same- both 32.
X
My husband and I are both 38…I was diagnosed with primary and secondary cancer almost three years ago. Before diagnose we had a healthy sex life which we no longer have. We went through a stage where my husband didnt find me sexually attractive at all but more importantly as my secondary is in my hips he is and was very frightened of hurting me or causing me pain. Most nights I am in bed at least three hours before he is as I am so exhausted.
I wouldn’t say we have regained our sex life but we have learnt to appreciate each other, and quality rather than quantity is the order of the day. I find it very hard to get aroused…tamoxifen seems to leave me very dry in the ‘‘below stairs’’ area so we use a vaginal lubricant prescribed by the Doctor. We also use condoms which seem to help. We have had a lot of fun trying out different positions so my hip doesnt get too much weight upon it.
Sorry I cant help more…our sex life has lessened hugely but when it does happen…boy it is still as good!
Jools
Three years ago I found out that I had breast cancer. Before that I had just found out that I also had heamachromatosis (too much iron)
Had lumpectomy and radio therapy at the same time they took several pints of blood to lower the iron then tamoxifen. About 2 months after taking the tamoxifen I got terrible anxiety problems which was so unlike me. I was 40 then, the doctor gave me amtriptyline to help me sleep. I still get the mood swings but for the last year I have been getting very dry, it turned out to be thrush. Nothing seems to get rid of it. Has anyone else had these sort of problems with tamoxifen. I have also been feeling so tired and have lost my get up and go.GP sent me to gynocologist is seeing if I can have vagifem but oestrogen is showing 6000, I thought that tamoxifen lowered the oestrogen.Doesn’t do much for the confidence and libido.
Chloe.
Hi I am on hormone therapy, femara and zoladex injections which does have the effect of drying everything up so to speak. It is really difficult to maintain a normal sex life when through no fault of your own you just dont feel in the mood. I have tried Replens which didnt do much for me really. The best thing so far for getting me in the mood is sharing a bottle of champagne. I dont know whether its the bubbles and the romance or just the alcohol but it works for me. Bit expensive mind and probavly not what you are expected to spend your DLA on but lots of fun. I am not recommending this on a daily basis mind. Moderation in all things
Julie x
Hi Poannie, yes the complete and sudden destruction of our sex life wrought by tamoxifen was devastating for my husband and myself too. Not helped by the complete lack of support on all sides and being told by hospital doctor I had gone to for help that I was imagining it. Eventually after me being reduced to suicidal state we got help from Relate and did a six month course of counselling. This did help us to adjust to the new state. Our relationship is greatly improved now.
Make a fuss - do not let them give you an initial interview, make promises and then ‘park’ you for months on end like they did us while my mental state got ever worse.
good luck do not give up!
Ariadne xx
Can’t help with libedo (that is another issue entirely and I still struggle here) but I have had problems re dryness and thrush/infection problems. I take Vagifem, hormone preparation, twice or three times a week; Relactagel, used daily when I remember, this is to maintain the alkaline balance in the vagina and has stopped all those infections I was getting; we use Astroglide as a lubricant for intercourse and that works very well. Only the Relactagel is a pain to use - it is a gel inserted at night (so it doesn’t leak out) but it certainly doesn’t made you feel remotely interested in sex, not quite worked that one out yet! Hope some of that can help
blondie