Last chemo tomorrow - why am I down in the dumps?

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Hi All

Having my last TAX tomorrow (no 3 after 3 FEC) and I thought I would be skipping around and full of the joys but all I feel is down in the dumps.

Has anyone felt the same?

I have been to local hospital for bloods today and mentioned it to the nurse and she seemed to think that my mood was down to the fact that having chemo has covered ‘IT’ coming back and since I won’t be having anymore subconsciously I am frightened it will return.

Can anyone relate to this?

Awaiting your replies
Anita

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Hi Anita

I know from other posts that lots of people feel like you when treatment is coming to an end. There is a wonderful article by Dr Peter Harvey called ‘after treatment finishes’ which you can download at www.cancercounselling.org.uk/

I am sure you will find this useful.

Best wishes

Ann

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Ann

All I can say is that you are wonderful!

Dr Peter Harvey has managed to put everything that I am feeling down into words and reading it has made me realise that after my rads in august/sept I will have another journey to go through.

Journey 1:- diagnosis and surgery - DONE
Journey 2:- chemo - LAST ONE TOMORROW
Journey 3:- radiotherapy - AUGUST/SEPT

one I never thought of; journey 4:- RECOVERY - AS LONG AS IT TAKES!

Thanks once again

Anita

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Hi Anita, I have just had my last chemo and start rads v soon(August-Sept). It feels v strange not going to hospital for chemo all the time and scary as moving on to rads. Yes, I do feel a bit down about this too. i like the Peter Harvey list but cnever refer to bc as a journey myself.
Good luck
Rach xx

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Hi Anita and Rach,

I’m glad you’ve read that article by Dr Peter Harvey. I must read it again! I mean to print it out actually, to show my Onc and bc nurse, and family!

It is VERY helpful. No wonder we feel so emotional, it IS like a rollercoaster ride we never wanted to go on in the first place!!

I’ve just got one more Tax to do, ( I’ve had two delays due to throat infections, otherwise I’d be at same stage as you are ),so face the same thing shortly. I’ve even been thinking I don’t want to do the rads, after reading a book excerpt on amazon. I felt like that about the chemo, too. Worried about side effects.

Now I’ve read Peter Harvey’s article I feel I have “permission” from an expert to take as long as I need to recover from the stress of the diagnosis AND the stress of the treatment! It’s very liberating, isn’t it!! We need time to take stock and decide what things need to change, if any.

Best wishes,
Ann xx

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Hi Anita
We’ve chatted from time to time as we are on the same protocol same timescale. I had my last TAX today and can relate to your feelings. I have been receiving texts all day from friends family etc saying well done it’s over it’s behind you but like you I feel a bit lost. I am triple positive so I don’t have that feeling of it being over yet and still have to face attending the hospital 3 weekly until next June. At least I my hair gets to grow back although I only ditched the cold cap when I started Tax so it hasn’t stopped falling out yet!.
I suppose I do find some comfort in still receiving treatment but underneath the euphoria of only dealing with those blasted mouth ulcers for another week I am still terrified of this thing recurring and I know that it is a side of this I have yet to overcome.
I guess we can both give each other a pat on the back for coming this far. For me I found my mastecomy and recon a hideous experience even though the result is pretty good. The chemo was another challenge and I am now over that. I know I should feel positive that Herceptin is now standard treatment so I am sure I’ll get there in the end. Onwards and upwards from this point on.
Good luck for tomorrow and well done for getting through this far.
Best wishes
eal69eal xx