HI Girls Last Epi on WED Mar 5th before starting CMF . The last three were really rough times and although I know it’s nearly over …well as far as Epi is concerned , getting really scared again as each day gets nearer to WED, wish they would put you to sleep and wake you up five or six days later. C’mon girls give me some help and support as you have always done in the past . need a kick up the backside as well. Had to take a diazepam today but obviously do’nt want to take to many (addictive) Really like to save them to get me through the first two or three days post chemo. Also used to do lots of X Stitch, sewing and quilting cannot get stuck into anything like that at present do any of you find you are the same regarding your hobbies. ??? I am able to read a little the last couple of weeks could only flick through mags when it all started. Will I ever get my life back on as even a keel as possible ever again???
Hi Corsa
I found epi quite easy to get through but CMF a bit tough but i have found it odd as friends and people on here who found epi hard going found CMF easier.
You have done well to get through 3 lots of epi especially as you have felt so awful.
Have you asked the oncologist about you taking the diazepam after the chemo and if its ok?
I couldnt concentrate whilst having chemo i think its proven it does affect your concentration. I can now and have read a few books recently taken a while though.
You will be finished by July i guess, actually i had chemo 2006 but your on about the same schedule i was on as i satrted int he Jan finished in July.
I tried to think one more down and so many to go. You wil have finished epi how great!
Keep posting and hope your side affects are not as bad this time.
Rx
.
hi Corsa - we are on same chemo trail… I’d my third epi 10 days ago - and it was grim … veins blown - ended up having chemo in hand of arm with total lymph node removal as last resort, took reaction, hopsital over night , home and sick and dizzy - main finale was waking up on floor… so been lying flat and not eating easily …until today - I can feel myslef picking up again. I’m told it is not usual to have such a strong reaction… how did your sessions go? My first two werent so bad and like you I’m rather dreading the last incase its worse!! The 24hr chemo helpline told me that every session is different so my last may not be so bad…
I’m going to try and drink more water in the first few days… and just rest rest rest if I feel rough…I liked the idea of being put into snooze mode for the first few days hee hee that would be sooo much easier…
I’d planned to finish a lot of my UFO’s , including 4 quilts at various stages of completion…yes 4! However all Ive managed to sew is some drain bags and heat bags for the hospital…meanwhile my sewing machine stays on the kitchen table coz its too heavy when I’m poorly to lift easily…the cat finds it a grand seating post. WHat projects are you planning?
As for reading - its great when you cant sleep to read - but I cant bear anything too sad or scary… perfect for happy stories and paperbacks…
hope you feel easier soon, be good to hear how things are with you - good luck for wed 
suex
HI Sue Bright pair are’nt we. I had acute pancreatitis after my first EPI never known pain like it had to be hospitalised for a few days. I fear everyone but I am told CMF is easier. Just been to see ONC, who has told me I should be proud of myself for coping with the panc and the angst also panic attacks to boot. I have suffered for years from depression and anxiety through being addicted to tranquilizers I always tell myself if I can beat them, I can beat this!!! ONC told me it was more likely Steroids causing the panc so has allowed me to have a decreased dose since. Never mind kid one more EPI for each of us and we will be halfway there. I have to have five weeks radio at the end of chemo ,do you??? Love Bobbiexx
Hi Suebeth,
I know we are are all unique, but if it is any consolation( I had 4th Epi last cycle and about to have 1st CMF this Friday) I found the 3rd much worse than the others both physically and mentally. 4th was definately easier but no rhyme or reason why.
Good luck for the next session,
V
Hi Corsa, know how you feel. Had terrible weepy session 2 days before last epi. Just couldnt go on…well OH, friends, son (and website) alll talked me into it. It wasnt too bad, but glad its over. CMF now, different side -effects, yes some people find it easy but I think I’m just totally fed-up.Veins all a mess. I dont want ANY MORE chemo, but I know that I can bloody well make myself keep going if you can!
Big hug, Zoe x
To all of you; - little tiny fuzzy hairs on their way any day now - will make you feel like the end is in sight…I was blond but these are coming out black! Look like 5 o’clock shadow
Hi Zoe Yes I have a bit of downy fuzz on back of skull. Yes we will get through this POOHY time together . We are all united in sticking to the chemo no matter what we have to go through on the way. ITS NOT Forever , just seems like it at times. NEVER SAY DIE eh girls . BC Musketeers TOGETHER!!! WE’ll show them little basket cancer cells.!!!
Love to all of you Bobbie. FIght THE GOOD FIght will all thy might!!!
hi folks,
been feeling rough lately… and dreading the last epi so it was really comforting to read your post Violetta… good luck with the CMF - hope it went well - lets know how you are if you get the chance to post
Bobbie - how did your last epi go? You have been through the mill… … no wonder your ONC was impressed with your getting thro it all… you must be strong.
KNowles - know how you feel… and veins is just the part of it… I am sure that they all shrivel as soon as a nurse approaches me now…hee hee
well I head for the mainland tonight… get last epi on thursday and the ONC has booked me into hosp for the night… then hopefully home again on the friday night… its the unknown thats all it is… this time maywell be fine and I will look back at this post and laugh… i do hope so… and meanwhile as you say Bobbie - on with the good fight…
take care all,
Suex
Hi Sue Knowles ,LIver bird EVERYBODY !!! My Epi has unfortunately all followed the same pattern the last one being NO different ( only had pancreatititis with the 1st one though) main problem is panic attacks for nearly 4days one just seem to roll off into another so it feels one continous one, think I,m going insane when it’s all going on. Had to see my GP this am just sobbed my bl/dy heart out. WIll be two weeks on the CMF… IV … . pills …IV… pills… terrified that if I have the same side effects it will be for TWO WHOLE WEEKS, if that happens they might as well lock me up and throw away the key. BUT all you folks say it is easier SO I really must hang on to that. Anyone just had four cycles of EPI then gone straight on to RADIO, my friend tells me this is the scenario for her, I feel sure she has got it wrong, especially has her BC is gr 3 with several lymph nodes involved…mine was gr 2 with one lymph node out of seven showing cells. Wish I could go onto the radio after epi , I was told I will need 5 weeks radio after all the chemo. … Sue do you have to travel by boat to hospital??? Picture you somewhere in the hebrides on a storm tossed sea. MY imagination does run awy with me, expect its IOW to Southampton in truth . Lots of love to you all HOPE I have’nt deppressed any of you or alarmed anyone. Bobbiexxxxxxxx
Sue, horrible visions of you battling the high seas this week!! hope all is well up there…there is another thread going on about radio at same time as CMF. Wish I could do that and get better sooner, but I imagine you must get MEGA tired with both at the same time.
Love to all, Zoe
Hi Suebeth
I had 8 epi and then 6 CMF then 4 weeks of rads! If I remember rightly, the CMF was nothing like as bad as the epi, Im a few years down the line now that was in 2003! so memories seem to blur alot I do remember feeling faint for about a week after each iv - hubby wouldnt take me shopping incase I collapsed!!!
Hope its going well for you,
Sue
Hi All,
Hope i can join the thread. I’m due to have my 3rd epi tomorrow and in all fairness is hasn’t been too bad. Still shopping, doing yoga and picking kids etc up from school. I find if I don’t rest the first few days then i’ve over pushed myself. I think my hair is also coming back or i’ve got some sort of light covering - has anyone else experiencing this, oh and my eyebrows and eyelashes are still on my face.
I was dx with grade 1 stage 2 - 5/9 lymp nodes involved. I’m having 3 epi, 3 tax and 3cmf - NICE - (NOT). I’m dreading the tax purely because of all the bad thread on here about it but i have to have it as its suposed to be really effective.
It would be good to hear fromm others on a similar formula to me.
sukes
You are doing really well sukes, I only have my grandchildren a few days at a time and I’m on my knees! At least the epi is over, the rest will fly by hopefully. My friend who had exactly the same regime as you two years ago is absolutley fine now, she’s a solicitor (still has slightly fuzzy brain) but being around with a fuzzy brain is better than not being around!!
Going for third CMF on Thursday, the end is in sight! Hair coming back on top, and finally below…
Good luck, keep writing…love Zoe x
Hi Knowles Due to have my first CMF WED 26th Mar and I am getting the jitters all ready and have a week to go YET!!! As I have stated before the EPI was absolute hell for me . The thought of two IV’s in eight days and Two weeks of pills, scares me in case the hell lasts the whole two weeks .I had four or five days of hell with EPI. but two weeks !!! … don’t think I can do that. Finding it hard to concentrate at present, must try and divert my mind. You have only one more CMF to go if I’m right WELL DONE!!! Are you having radio after. Please get back to me asap Thinking of you tommorrow,
I bet its almost scary knowing you are nearly there!!! Love and hugs all round BobbieXXX
Oh, thanks for lovely words Bobbie!
Bad news today, (that will teach me to be so cocky) my white cell count is very low, too low for my chemo. Never thought I would be so upset to miss it!! I have an appointment to see radiologist next week to discuss starting rads. I just want to get it all over, and go back to work. Dont be put off the CMF though, I’ve really been much better than on EPI. I think it just happens that your WB cells just get lower and lower as chemo progresses.
Good luck, keep drinking lots (thats my worst habit, forgetting to drink) love Zoe xx
Thought I was going dottier than ever, there are so many threads, just realised we are communicating on two threads, ‘panic attacks’ and this one…my poor brain cells are on their last legs!
I went to the doctor after the comments from you and the others and got some propanolol for the middle-of-the-night panic attacks, but sleeping better just having them on the bedside table! Havent had one yet…Zoe x
HI Zoe AKA Know how you feel if I have some diazepamwith me just knowing i can take one when things get rough helps. I cannot take prop-ranol because I am asthmatic. I have always dreaded being told my blood cells are to low for chemo, so can really feel for you . I get very anxious at times and feel I ca’nt take anymore but like you and all the others on this site we keep going somehow. Just been speaking to Naomi who uses this site and we found we were having treatment at the same hospital and have the same Surgeon and ONC, so we phone each other also have met once at the hospital ,we only live a couple of miles from each other and its wonderful to talk to someone WHO UNDERSTANDS. I also have two close friends who have BC one was diagnosed the day after me and the other one the end of Jan. WE try to keep each other going . We are all being treated at Coventry UNI hospital and the consultants and staff are wonderful BUT it does’nt make you any less scared. Waiting to hear from SUEBETH and VIOLETTA hope they see this thread . Do keep in touch and let me know when you have your last CMF… Hope it wo’nt be to long the waiting must be agony for you. Not convinced these Panics are all in the mind , I’m sure the chemo upsets the fight and flight system and sends our adrenalin haywire!!! Lots of love Bobbie. xxxx PS I drink quite a lot of pineapple juice find it very refreshing .
Bobbie, it is wonderful to be able to speak to you too - thank you so much for phoning earlier - Stefan was really chuffed to have got the chance to have spoken to you properly too - I’m not sure if he said - and I know I didn’t when we spoke - but I was out at the time - at the hairdressers, getting my wigs trimmed. Its a family run business and they were all really lovely - they didn’t make me feel at all self-conscious. I’ve not lost my hair yet but it is beginning to shed itself. Perhaps if and when I see you on Wednesday I shall be sporting my new hairdo - I have several in different colours and one in a different style altogether - to match my ever changing moods!
My only concern is that my ‘hair’ has never looked so good so that when I put them on people I know but whom I haven’t told are bound to notice! Still, in the scheme of things…
Its 3 am Good Friday morning and I can’t sleep - I’m hoping to wear myself out through talking. Forgive me for intruding upon your conversation - but all the best to everyone.
Naz (Naomi)
Glad to hear you can actually talk to each other - very envious. There is a ‘self-help/support’ group in the next village, but they are really gloomy and downbeat. That’s the last thing we need! I feel like putting a clown outfit on and getting them going…or maybe order a male strippergram - anything… love to all of you, Zoe
hi folks,
missed so much - so hope all chemo is going well and all rads started and everyone is feeling things are doable…even if sh**ty at times… and blood counts are good enough…
i was kept in hosp overnight as heart played up then stayed an extra night before travelling home… yep it was bumpy…but not too bad and the great news is that although I felt grim for the first 7 days…today is day 8 and I do feel better… no fainting this time… but I sit to wash up and cook and move very genteely lol… wot a relief…but do you know the daft thing… i started crying when the nurse came with the last lot of epi… just the thought of going through all the bad times was so upsetting… couldnt believe it thta Id felt so bad… but the nurse was sooo lovely and held my hand and said things would be okay … and they have been …grim but okay…
im travelling again in a couple of weeks…cmf… so hope its easier than epi - my bloods are v low just now and im feeling a bit down with all the hassles… any tips on feeling better? shopping therapy doesnt really work here… our lovely village shop sells basics , and so far im too poorly to drive into town… so any fun things to try? sewing may do it… wish I could meet up with friends and eat a hearty meal and have a laugh and giggle… tried that laughter thing - you know where you just laugh out loud and soon you start to laugh… and hey ho it gliffed the cats but I did laugh…
Happy Easter and lots of chocolate to you all
suex