I’ve just been looking through the forum to look for any posts from gay/queer women but the only posts are all archived which is upsetting. Are there none of us here?
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Not me sorry @jumpymum but I’m replying to try and bump this post a little bit. I don’t know if that works here but its worth a try.
Big hugs 
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Thanks @foxgem it is appreciated. I’ve been through/am going through the system with my wife (who is BRCA2) at York and now for me at Leeds. It’s been very difficult to try and discuss some of the more intimate issues with nurses, oncology and plastic surgeons. Even where there is advice on things like sex and intimacy after surgery (my wife had elective double mastectomy) and someone tries to write it in a gender neutral way it really isn’t in the detail. There is lot of advice assuming husbands and male partners only. Obviously I am very happy to know there is support for everyone and I am not suggesting otherwise! I just wish there was more for queer folk.
Right now I’m finding a lonely time even more lonely because of not seeing anyone quite like me. Having to come out in so many conversations is pretty exhausting, as is sometimes having to educate the people I’m talking to in very intimate things.
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I’m so sorry to hear it’s been an added struggle on top of an already hard time.
I’m showing my age here but I wonder if reaching out on one of the cancer research or cancer charity facebook pages would help? Usually these pages have thousands of users.
If nothing else you might end up gathering a group of people in the comments who feel exactly as you do. You could start your own page for support for others in a similar situation
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Thank you! I spoke to my BC Nurse today and she was lovely (especially with me being a bit weepy and all over the place!). She sent me a link to a charity called OUTPatients which is for LGBTQ. I don’t want special treatment, but it can be very nerve wracking talking to so many new people and not knowing how they will react. My experience has been mostly positive in that sense (no one has looked horrified!!) but the advice and things they worry about for reconstruction going forward and on intimate issues is not always right.
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That’s great I’m so pleased
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Hello @jumpymum, I am also a lesbian going thru it all, so replying to wave hello 
. Sorry you are going through it as well as your wife has. We’re in London and I’ve not had any particular concerns as yet, but then so far my experience has been at the breast clinic who are all super lovely and female dominated. I’m starting chemo on tuesday at Barts which is a newish location for me, so that might be a slightly different experience. Hopefully not. For context, I have already had a masectomy and as I say, starting chemo on tuesday. Happy to natter anytime, I am pretty new to this forum so I am still finding my way around it.
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Hi there! I am so glad you are having a good experience! Every one has been very lovely, there was one who we did have a very excruciating conversation with tho. She was well meaning but obviously had not come across certain things before!!
Good luck with the chemo. Still waiting to hear if I have double mastectomy or RHS mastectomy and LHS conservation. Hopefully will know very soon.
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Hi. I thought I’d chime in just to say that there are more of us! I’m just beginning my journey on both counts (waiting list for BRCA testing + still in the closet after divorce from a man), so I’m expecting a roller-coaster of a year! Keeping my fingers crossed but so far every relative who has been tested has had a positive test and they’re all going for the mastectomy and/or oophorectomy. Really not looking forward to entering a new dating pool without any boobs!
Since writing this I’ve discovered Tig Notaro (gay american comedian who was in a recent star trek - very funny lady) had a double mastectomy and is very open about being flat Tig Notaro: ‘People were wanting to take care of me, just to look good’ | Tig Notaro | The Guardian She has an amazing new relationship since her double mastectomy and is very open about it all. So absolutely you can do it. Good luck with it all.
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dear jumpymum
I think lesbian and gay people should have their particular needs catered for. It may be cos people are afraid of coming out and the news spreading if they don’t keep it hidden. Britain is relatively tolerant as a nation but where you live may not be.
I have one ex colleague who lives in Hebden Bridge who has had breast cancer, (as far as I know she still lives with her gay partner there and their son (born by donor insemination).
Some workplaces are more tolerant than others so I can see it could be an issue. People were always asking me if I was gay but I didn’t see why I should tell them. My friends know me for who I am not who I sleep with.
best wishes Seagulls
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